Chapter I
The End Gives Way to a New Beginning
"Well, if you feel that way you should leave! Just fucking leave, than I won't have to constantly put up with this shit."
"I will then. Shit, like I wanna keep going through this. Time after time it's the same fucking thing, money! I told you I would do better and I'm trying... but shit don't change overnight. Damn! So I spend a little money on weed, so what, it ain't like the bills don't get paid."
No this motherfucker didn't just say 'so what'. Is he kidding me right now? I say to myself; as I stare at Jonathan my mouth agape. He is furious! His eyes are blazing and this time it's not because he's smoked out. His lips are tight and his shoulders squared into a position of stubborn defiance. I start to respond but all that comes out is "Ah..." and before I can complete the syllable I stop. I am sooo tired of this. It seems like every few months we find ourselves back here. Yelling at each other at the top of our lungs barely able to contain our anger, I'm not sure how much longer we can go on like this. Especially!!!...when he says things like the bills get paid...Hell yeah they get paid because I pay them! Jonathan slams the door to our master bathroom, where we've been held up "talking" (which as usual has turned into us being at each other's throats) in an effort to keep the kids from hearing us arguing...again. I am so angry right now I could spit! How can he think he's right? This is the third time in the past 10 months that I've checked our bank account to find that he has spent hundreds of dollars without consulting me and as usual I have to figure out how the monthly bills will get paid after he's went on this spending spree; and to add insult to injury this is after the umpteenth time he's promised he will stay out of the account! I walk out of the bathroom where I've been held up for the past several minutes trying to calm down and gather my thoughts. As I open the bathroom door I see Jonathan sitting on the bench at the bottom of our bed. His face is softer, the creases of his brow relaxed. As I enter the room he looks up at me, his big dark eyes peeking through his long curly eyelashes, so black that if it weren't for his doubtless heterosexuality one might think he was wearing mascara. His pout lips make him look like a mischievous five year old doing their best to look innocent in an effort to get out of yet another fix. I roll my eyes in anticipation of what I know is about to come.
"Baby I'm sorry. You're right I should have told you I was taking money out of the bank."
I fold my arms and twist my lips. How many times have I heard this before?
"Come on baby don't be like that", he says as he rises from his position and walks toward me.
We're separated by less than two paces and before he can finish his sentence he standing in front of me reaching for me. I swiftly pull away twisting my body in an effort to resist his embrace. But he continues to move in, pinning me to the wall as I take two steps back to escape him. It's no use though, he is embracing me in an almost bear hug, my folded arms pressing against his stomach, my turned head forced against his chest.
"You know I hate to see you upset." "Well you have a funny way of showing it." I grunt. "I know, I just didn't realize I had spent so much. You know going to the gas station, running to the grocery store and I guess I just lost track." I sigh, knowing he's just feeding me a line to appease me. "I love you and the boys so much I don't want to lose you." "Then stop doing the same stuff over and over." I say through clenched teeth. The anger in me slowly dissipating. What am I gonna do with this man? He can be so irresponsible sometimes. It's his mother's fault, she didn't teach him anything about money growing up and now I have to teach a grown man how to budget and save. It's not fair to any of us, me, him or the kids. I sigh and I feel Jonathan reaching at my chin pulling it up to meet his lips. I forcefully jerk loose but within seconds his hand is back on my chin, gripping tightly, forcing my head around to face him.
"Do you want me to leave, baby?"
"What I want is for you to keep your word and stay out of the account!"
"I said, do. You. Want. Me. To. Leave?" he says in a stern, low husky voice and my belly quivers as I feel the tears begin to well in my eyes. I slightly drop my head but he tightens his grip on my chin and pulls my head up so that our eyes meet. As the tears breaks away from my lower lids and trickle down my face, Jonathan repeats his question with increased intensity. His eyes dark and peering into mine he says again, "Do. You. Want. Me. To. Leave?" I slowly shake my head and drop my eyes, the tears increasing from a trickle to a steady stream. He jerks my chin up again. "Answer me!" he spits through clenched teeth.
"No", I whisper, my voice barely audible through my choked tears and the increasing lump in my throat. He kisses me hard pulling down on my chin to force my mouth open. His mouth engulfs mine as he pushes his tongue into my mouth.
"Kiss me back" he says into my mouth squeezing my chin to let me know this was not a request. I begin to sob a little. My breath is shallow and my head is beginning to ache from trying to contain my cry. I raise my eyes to his and feel a heaviness in my chest. My body begins to heat all over. I slowly return his kiss. My tongue entangling his, my lips parting with every turn of our heads. I am panting now, my mouth greedily at his, sucking, biting at his mouth in an effort to get more. I feel the warmth of my body concentrating between my legs and I can no longer control my breath. Jonathan slides his mouth away from mine trailing kisses down my cheek, over my chin where he still has a firm grip between his thumb and two fingers, down to my neck. My chest is heaving now from my passion his kisses are so warm and sensual. And now he's gently sucking at my skin, using his lips and tongue to bath my neck with his passion. My arms no longer folded have dropped to my sides like heavy logs, and although Jonathan still has a hold of my chin my head has slumped to one side in an effort to give him full access to my neck. He's at the base of my neck now and his warm breath is brushing my skin making it tingle in anticipation of his tongue. The moisture between my legs has begun to acts as a glue drawing my panties up between the lips of my vagina and sticking them to my clit. My body gives way to our passion, falling back into the crook of his arm, Jonathan suddenly, in one fell swoop, forcefully jerks my body forward while pushing me flush against the wall his body leaning forward into mine anchoring me there. He quickly raises his face to mine and with a voice that shakes my whole being he says "Don't ever tell me to leave again, do you understand?" I'm so shocked that all I can do is shake my head yes, as I stare dumbfounded into his eyes.
"Answer me, Tanya!" He almost screams.
"Ye..yes" I say my mind and body confused by this sudden change from passion to fear, my panties inexplicably drenched by his intensity.
"Good" he says, as he pushes down the straps of my nightgown. "You belong to me and I will never leave you." He murmurs against my lips. Engulfing my mouth again with his, he slowly pulls his weight from my chest and my nightgown falls to the floor. He lifts me forward, his mouth still firmly attached to mine, his tongue darting deeper into my mouth, and turns me around away from the wall. Before I know it he has lifted me off my feet and is walking me toward our bed. He stops at the bottom edge of the bed, breaks away from our kiss and steps backward. I am standing at the edge of the bed naked except for my sticky panties. My chest is heaving so fast and hard that my small breast are rising and falling at a record pace. Jonathan continues to step back until his back is against the same wall he'd pinned me to moments before. He leans his body back against the wall and crosses his arms, a mischievous half smile slightly curl the ends of his mouth, his eyes still cold and piercing.
"Take off your panties and lay back on the bed. I want your ass right at the edge, your legs spread wide."
I pause for a second, trying to gather my thoughts and process the steps of his command, when I hear him snap "Now!"
I quickly pull at the waistband of my thongs trying to unglue the crotch from my lips and push them down to the floor. I then bend my knees slightly and lean backward onto the bed. The cool Egyptian cotton sheets attempting to cool my skin. I scoot my bottom to the edge of the bed. I look up to see that Jonathan's eyes have never left my body and as I spread my legs I feel his dark piercing eyes burning into my vagina. My legs are shaking as I struggle to balance myself on the edge of the bed. I feel my overflowing juices begin to drip down between the crack of my behind, warming my bottom. Jonathan has not moved from his position against the wall. He's just standing there, watching me, naked and spread eagle, I am completely under his control. The look in his eyes sends a shiver through my entire body and all of a sudden I feel cold. My body is shaking uncontrollably and my teeth begin to chatter.
"Cold baby?" he says
I begin to shake my head but decide I'd better voice my answer. "Yes" I mutter.
"Do you need me to warm you up?" Jonathan asks slyly.
"Yes" I say in the same low voice.
"I like you like this", he says, "agreeable and demure". "I'm going to spend the rest of the night teaching you how to act, as it seems you've forgotten"
My bodies shivers again and I'm shaking so hard I'm not sure I can keep my balance on the bed, and just as I think I might roll over to the floor....I feel Jonathan lifting my legs up by my ankles. He's on his knees between my legs and as he pins my ankles back against my buttocks he dives in between my legs. I feel his warm breath warming my body bringing the heat of my passion back to the forefront of my body calming my shivers. Until that is, I feel his tongue parting my lips at the top of my anus, slowly moving up to my clit, then pull away. My body convulses from his tongue.
"You like that, huh?"
I breathe in sharply then sigh," yesss" and before I can exhale he is at my lips again parting them with his tongue, licking upward until he reaches my clit. Then slowly sucking and nuzzling it until my hips buck forward.
"Oh, no, no, no bad girls need to lay still and take their punishment"
I moan and raise my hips higher but Jonathan stops me. He removes his lips from my clit and using his chin he pushes against my pubic bone forcing my hips back down onto the bed. I moan louder wanting him to continue.
"Stay. Still" he says.
I quickly comply doing my best to plant my hips into the mattress. Over and over again he continues his berate on my sex. Licking me from bottom to top like my vagina was a delicious scoop of chocolate ice cream he is determined to lick every drop of. I struggled to keep my hips down holding my breath with every rotation of his tongue. I can feel the wetness of the sheets drenched below my bottom from my juices and his saliva. Oh, God what am I gonna do with this man! My head is swimming and pounding at the same time. I thrash my head back and forth feeling his tongue delve deeper and deeper into me. "Oh, baby it feels so good" I moan.
"Shut up" he hisses in a firm but slightly playful tone. You wanted me to leave remember? Now you can't get enough of me. Lay still and be quiet!"
I am so over whelmed and confused by his tenderness and simultaneous cruelty I almost cry, But I do as I'm told and steady myself for his tongue, biting my lip to keep from making a sound as I feel his tongue against my clit. He uses his thumb to pull back the hood of my clit and gently, teasingly begins to circle the nub of flesh with the tip of his tongue. I bite down harder on my lip almost breaking the skin. Although my eyes are clinched tight I can feel them begin to roll back into my head and against my best efforts I let out a deep throaty groan. My hips have risen from their position on the bed and I am twirling and grinding them in rhythm with his licks. I feel it deep in my loins; the emptiness. I squeeze my vagina in an attempt to capture a phantom penis to fill my longing.
"Umm", I groan, as I feel my orgasm rising from the depths of my body and just when I am about to explode he suddenly stops leaving me empty and deflated.
