Pillar

Author's note:

This is my first completed novel. While the plot isn't too complex, the goings on in the story are tricky, and with the help and dedication of a friend who reviewed the whole thing, I tweaked the crucial parts of the story to be better.

I wrote this story to explore the main themes that are included in it. I won't spoil anything by going into what the second theme besides BDSM is, but it's always been my intention to write something enjoyable that hopefully makes my reader think about what he or she read afterwards. (While also being nice and hot.)

So please, leave a comment that tells about your thoughts and opinions. I you have some relevant experience that the story reminds you of, by all means, share it with the rest of us.

Voting I leave to your discretion, but I do want to remind you that if you enjoyed the story, giving it a good score will make it more likely that others will find it and enjoy it as well.

CHAPTER FIVE

1

The doorbell rang at precisely 11 AM. Ruth met Tom's eyes with her lips pressed together in a tight line and said, "I don't like it, Tom."

"We've been over this, Ruth. She still can't stop thinking that she's dirty and that she should be ashamed of herself. I plan to treat her as what she thinks she is and show her how wrong she is to see herself that way. Play your part, don't hesitate."

Tom opened the door for Alex. Her hands twiddled the tag of her suitcase. She looked like an innocent little girl, excited about the coming trip, but also frightened she might get homesick and scared. He ran his fingers along her cheekbone and she relaxed. He stopped at the leather collar around her neck and locked his eyes with hers as he wrapped his fist around it. A wordless command spoke from the force he used to pull her down on her knees.

Alex stared up into his brown eyes, unable to look away. It hurt her when he pulled out his stiff cock and laid it out against her face before he even said a word. Tears welled up. What was going on? Tom pushed his cock into her mouth there on his doorstep, and he pushed her body between his legs so he could align her throat with his shaft. She couldn't even do anything, he used her. This was not what she'd imagined this would be like, but she resigned herself to it.

Tom pulled out at the verge of coming and shot his come in her face. Four, five and even a sixth rope of come landed on her face. He cleaned his cock with her hair and tucked it away. Alex moved to clean her face, but he stopped her. "You're not allowed to clean up. Leave it like that, it suits you."

Alex lowered her head as his words sank in. They hurt so much worse coming from him. She smiled as she went inside when she saw Ruth, but Ruth greeted her with a stone faced expression. She didn't smile and certainly didn't hug Alex. "Come slut, I'll show you to your room."

What? Alex stumbled. Ruth would never call her a slut, not even as a joke. They must be acting. They had to be. These two people were her rocks, she trusted them. She had to.

They left her to her own thoughts for half an hour before calling her back out. Tom looked at her with a faint hint of distaste, and he spoke to her with none of his usual kindness. "Undress, slut. I'll need easy access to you. I'll fuck you silly and then cream all over your face, just like you want me to."

Alex obeyed without question, disappointed that her brand new outfit hadn't even been noticed. He tossed her clothes to the side and pointed towards the rug in the center of the room, where the coffee table used to be. "You'll be fucking and sleeping on that rug. I want you naked at all times when you're inside. Your room is just for storage, you won't need anything you've brought. Now get on your hands and knees."

She sat waiting for him to fuck her and her eyes widened when she felt his feet on her back. "What are you doing?"

"I had to move my coffee table for you, you annoying little bitch. And I like something to put my feet on, so you'll have to do for now. Any complaints and you can walk out the door you just came through. I bet you'll be rubbing yourself on the first guy you meet and throwing out some freebies because you couldn't get your rocks off here. Now shut your stupid mouth so I can watch some television."

Alex wanted to curl up into a little ball and hide away. She didn't want to know they saw what everybody else saw. Tears fell down into the tassels, but she fought to keep her shoulders from shaking. He'd never know how much he was hurting her.

Tom got tired of watching television and went to the kitchen to cook lunch. Alex relaxed her shoulders until she felt two tiny feet on her back. She hung her head, struggling not to sob out loud. Ruth as well? She and Tom talked like nothing was out of ordinary and ignored Alex.

"Lunch is ready, Ruth."

"I'll be over in a second."

She swung her feet from Alex's back and said, "Oh that reminds me, what's our bouncy coffee table eating?"

"Just throw her a bag of potato chips or something. I think there's an old one in the cupboard."

Ruth kneeled next to Alex and in a soft, cooing voice she told her, "See, aren't we nice people? I know it's not your favorite, but don't pout over it, okay?"

Lunch was bleak for Alex. The chips were soft, and they gave her a bowl of water to drink as an afterthought. It churned her insides to see them bantering and laughing just a few feet outside the boundaries of her rug. A whole world seemed to stretch out beyond it.

After they finished their meal, Ruth and Tom started kissing passionately, and they didn't pay attention to Alex while they tore off each other's clothes. Tom pulled back from a particularly intense kiss and glanced in Alex's direction as he caught his breath. "You know Ruth, I think we can use her. I know how you like something to support your back and look at her, she'd be the perfect height."

Alex hadn't moved from where she was balled up on the floor so Tom nudged her with his foot. "Slut, you're not stupid and deaf are you? You should be on your back with your legs spread wide by now. Come on, make those tits jiggle."

Ruth laid down on top of Alex, her smaller legs spread on top of Alex's full thighs. Tom fucked her hard, with no foreplay. Alex could hear her grunt as she took the pounding. Every meaty slap travelled through her body too, making it ache with lust. She wanted him to fuck her as well, but he didn't. When he was on the verge of coming, Tom pulled out, and Ruth rolled to the side so he could blast his full load all over Alex's face.

"I bet you're sorry you didn't get anything stuffed in your pussy. I won't go in there. Who knows what's been in there before you arrived here. No, if you want me to fuck you it'll have to be up your ass. I'm guessing it's a little cleaner than that thing you call your pussy."

This time Alex couldn't hold back her tears. She flashed back to the gang bang she'd done when she hit rock bottom the year before. The last bunch of guys didn't fuck her anymore, they just jacked off on her from a distance. They didn't want to touch her or come anywhere near her. That distinct flavor of despair and disgust filled her again. By the end of the gang bang she'd known, with absolute certainty, that no matter how filthy she was she'd do it again. She needed it. If any of them had still wanted to, she would've fucked them in any way they wanted to.

And she knew now that no matter what Tom did to her, she'd come back here to take what he gave her. She felt like a slug. Betrayed again because she was a failure as a human being. And she was horny. Shame tightly bound her chest when she imagined Tom lying on top of her. She wanted it to be her he was fucking. But he wouldn't, he thought she was filthy.

Her thoughts kept churning and spinning out the tale of her own depravity, making her spiral deeper into self-hatred and disgust. When Tom showed up again, Alex looked up at him like an abandoned puppy, hopefully wagging its tail, quietly begging for attention. He had to turn away from her, it broke his heart to see her like that. But he steeled himself and turned back around. The hurt look in her eyes almost pushed him over the edge of giving in, but he resisted.

"Come with me. I thought over what I said about your ass being good enough to use, and I'm not so sure anymore. You'll have to take an enema if you want me to fuck your loose ass."

Tears rolled down her cheeks and Alex tried to turn away from him, but he didn't let her. He took her head and rubbed her face against the crotch of his pants. "This is what you want, right? Some cock for the cock hungry slut. Answer me."

"Please, don't."

"It's not what you want? Is it not big enough for you? Is the slut suddenly a size queen? Or have you fucked so much that even your ass is too stretched for you to feel anything? Is your ass already middle aged at twenty one? Dear god, you're such a whore."

"Stop, please. Don't say that. I'm normal."

"You've got a very funny definition of normal there. Now shut your stupid mouth and go get your enema so I can fuck your only hole that maybe has some stretch left in it."

She hung her head and tried to shut down her thoughts as she mechanically did her business in the bathroom. But she couldn't keep away the shame when she felt her body respond to the tip of his cock pushing against her asshole. Her body jerked when he spanked her ass. "Come on, you do it. Fuck your slut ass on my cock. It's what you're good for."

Alex tried to think of nothing but the pleasure as she pushed herself on his cock, lodging it deep inside her ass. She started pumping and her body came alive. Her pent up energy was released, and she slammed herself on his cock. She wanted him to touch her clit, but she knew she couldn't possibly ask him so she reamed herself even harder, desperate to get off. But it wasn't meant to be, her wild ass fucking got Tom off before her, and he positioned himself in front of her face. "Here's your reward."

He blasted her hair and face with another load of come and wiped his cock clean with her hair. "I'd let you clean it with your tongue, but you'd just get off on it."

Tom left the room, and Alex collapsed on the floor. She sobbed into the rug as her hands found her clit and her asshole. Shocks went through her body when she found release. The emotional strain had exhausted her, and she drifted off to sleep.

When Alex woke up again, there was a mirror next to the rug. Tom was waiting for her to wake up and when she opened her eyes he motioned her to stand up straight in front of the mirror. She saw herself and cringed. Her face was covered in dry streaks of come and her hair was sticky with it. It had lost the shine and volume she'd worked so hard on in the morning. She recognized her true self in the mirror, a slut in every sense of the word.

Tom stood behind her and said, "When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?"

"A filthy slut covered in come."

"And what's under the come?"

"A filthy slut."

"When I look at the same reflection in the mirror, what do you think I see?"

The raw pain mixed with her rekindled self-hatred made it difficult for her to answer. With her nails buried in her hands she tried to fight her tears back. But she couldn't, sobbing, she answered. "A filthy slut covered in come."

"That's not what I see, try again."

"A dirty, come-soaked whore."

"Try again."

She squeezed her eyes shut to block out her own reflection in the mirror. Why was he doing this to her? "What do you want me to say? That I'm a filthy, disgusting pig? How many names do you want to give the same revolting slut? I am, and I know you think I am as well! And don't you deny it, I saw you pull back from me. You didn't want to touch me because I'm disgusting!"

She was shaking now, the foundation she was built upon laid bare. It was time for him to speak up. He took a deep breath and his roar stunned Alex into silence. "You're wrong! Remember why you're here!"

Tom loomed over her, and she shied away from the fire in his eyes, but he stunned her a second time. He took her into his arms and crushed her to his chest. She could scarcely breathe, but she knew in an instant that he meant his embrace.

He whispered into to her ear, "Yes, you don't have a pleasant past. That can't be denied. But you weren't in control. You started off as a girl who enjoyed sex, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if sex is the only way you can find any kind of affection, it becomes dangerous. You know this. You're never with people you want to be with so you never stay for long. You get desperate and do things you're ashamed of, and you've been following that pattern for so long now that the only thing you know about yourself is that you're ashamed."

He stopped for a second and relaxed his bear hug, stroking her hair. He kissed her locks and continued. "I put you through a lot today, and I'm sorry about that. Hopefully you'll forgive Ruth and me. I did my best to treat you as who you think you are. You should know that Ruth and I don't see you like that. It hurt to see you just take the abuse. I hated seeing you so sad, getting more crushed with everything I did. Somewhere you must've felt angry. I hope there's a place inside you that rejects what you just said about yourself, because by the end of the summer I want to see you walk out of here with your head held high."

He turned her around and looked her in the eye. "Do you want me to tell you what I see when I look in the mirror?"

"Yes."

"I see Alex. She's dirty and lost. So lost. She doesn't know what to do to stop feeling sad and lonely."

He gave her another bear hug. "You trusted me and now I've made you feel dirty as well. Do you know what I'd like to do for you now, Saschenka?"

She pushed her face into his shirt and shook her head. He could feel her tears soak into the fabric.

"I want to slide you into a hot bath and wash you. I'll scrub every inch of your body and wash your hair. As far as I'm concerned you'll be clean when I'm finished. Whatever punishment you think you deserve is done with now. You'll soak for a while and when you get out, you'll come with me to the bedroom. Ruth is waiting there. She's angry with me right now because she didn't want me to do this. But I did, and I hope it'll work. She and I will hold you between us, just hold you, and we'll sleep. Would you like that, Saschenka?"

Sapped of all her strength, Alex could only nod and cry. He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bathtub. Ruth stood beside the door, and he nodded, relief flooded her face. She stepped aside and helped him slide Alex into the water. He grabbed Ruth, locked her in an embrace and pulled her head against his shoulder. "Thanks for putting up with me, Ruth. You can go now."

***

Alex's mind drifted while the heat seeped into her body. Tom washed and scrubbed every inch of her body. He was quiet and focused, concentrated on making his touch soft and gentle. He washed and conditioned her hair and when she was completely clean he left her to soak.

Her mind cleared when she was alone, and she considered Tom's words. Him and Ruth had hurt themselves for her. She felt ashamed to admit it, but she was relieved. She'd always wanted them to prove she could trust them with herself. And she knew they'd have to do it again to keep her from pulling back.

Tom came in later and helped her out of the bath. He dried her body and handed her a boxer short and a white cotton top. "Put these on, they're your uniform from now on. You won't be naked."

When they entered the bedroom, Ruth was waiting for them, wearing the same outfit. She spread her arms in a silent question. Alex let herself be embraced and felt safe when Tom joined in the embrace. She was nestled in between two people who would hurt for her. Her emotions overwhelmed her, and Alex wept for her past as Tom stroked her hair. For the first time in years she felt cared for and accepted. And she was thankful. Below the grief a tight ball of love was claiming its place.

2

The next morning they were chatting and avoiding the topic on their collective mind. Tom put an end to that and said, "I have a little present for you, Alex."

"Oh?"

"You could be a little more interested."

"Not really in the mood, sorry."

"I'm giving you the rug. You can burn it or I can have it dry-cleaned for you."

"You want to give me my fuck rug? Why the hell would I even want it?"

"It's a link to your past. I'm giving you the choice to either destroy it or clean it. If you don't decide, then I'm tossing it out."

"I don't care about the rug."

"It's a little penance for what I put you through, I like that rug."

Her usual fire flared up, and she leaned back in her chair, considering. A small, unhappy smile crept over her face. "I want to light it with a bottle of your fancy scotch."

"I'll agree to that."

"And..."

He held up his hand to silence her. "No more. I hurt you, and I'm willing to make a gesture, but don't get greedy. It's childish. I'll give you back a lot more than what you've suffered."

That shut her up. They watched the rug burn together. The fire consumed the stains and turned them into ash. She vividly remembered everything that happened on that rug. Now she had the strength, she wanted to be angry. But she couldn't.

Alex wished she could burn her own memories as easily as the stained rug. But she'd have to live with her past. These two people would make that possible for her. She held out her hands to them, and they embraced her, cocooning her in warmth and companionable silence. It surprised her when she actually felt happy.

Tom scooped the ashes into a bag filled with fresh soil. He stirred it around, plunked in a seed, handed Alex the bag and said, "This seed will grow into a white orchid. In flower language orchids stand for delicate beauty. Those two words have many meanings, and I want you to consider all of them. There's an empty flower pot in your room. Apart from being a flower that represents you, it's also your responsibility. It's a delicate breed, and you'll have to be diligent in tending to it or it'll die. And that would be a shame."

Alex looked down at the bag of dirt in her hand. It wasn't very subtle, but it still warmed her inside. She smiled a genuine smile this time, cocked her hip to the side and bumped into him. "Delicate beauty? Are you afraid to snap me in half?"

"I can always try, but I don't think I've got it in me. You're pretty sturdy."

"There you go again, calling me fat!"

"Well, if you really are fat, then please stay that way. You're a joy to see wiggling and jiggling."

"Perv."

"Sexy lady."

"Amateur."

"The cut of your sharp wit almost hurts me more than the pain it brings me to turn my gaze away from your beauty for even a second. Every blink of my eyes causes me unspeakable grief, woe is me!"

Alex tried to come up with a clever retort, but failed, and she shook her head, smiling at his silliness. "Okay, you win this one. I can't top that."

"Welcome to my home, Alex. It's only for a little while, but I hope you'll feel at ease. Now go inside, we've got work to do."

Alex squeaked when he slapped her ass and made a break for the apartment complex. She jelled and set after him. Ruth followed them at her own pace, grinning as she shook her head. He'd done it again, somehow tears had turned into laughter.

***

Back in the kitchen all three of them sat around the table. Tom took the lead and said, "It's time to start your training, Alex. We can't dwell on yesterday for too long. Still, don't hesitate if you ever need to talk. It'll be hard and you'll need the support. Are you ready to hear what your summer will be like?"

"Yeah, sure. Hit me."