Chapter 36
The modifications to Helena's house began to make progress. Marion, Cathy and Kim were frequent visitors calling on Rob and Helena in Oxford. Rob was often in Stoke Goldington to work with the builders. Helena was beginning to feel more comfortable in her relationship with Rob, thinking things were getting back to normal, the upsets fading into the distance.
Some days Rob was away from Oxford for the day was to see a client of his little consultancy. He was finding it easy to sign more projects and work as much as he wished. Helena took little interest in what he was doing unless he planned to go overnight.
One Tuesday morning Marion took Rob aside. "Rob, I spoke with Bridget a few weeks ago, she has a St. Andrew's cross ready for us to pick up and take to Helena's. She'd like us to collect it today, can you help?
"Well, is it all in one piece? That would require me to rent a large van, larger than any car we have."
"No, it comes in segments. I can tell you how to assemble it, it's easy."
"Then we can use my old car."
"Yes, that should be enough. Let's go now, I'll ride along."
Soon Rob and Marion were on their way to Bridget's shop in Northampton. They had nearly an hour in the car, giving them time for light conversation and some silences. Marion decided to take advantage of the opportunity to speak with Rob in private.
"Have you really forgiven me, Rob? For both incidents?"
Eyes still on the road, Rob was silent long enough for Marion to begin to worry how he would answer. Finally, he sighed. "Marion, I must tell you honestly, my earliest experience with you has kept me a little wary of you. I have forgiven you, yes, but I have not forgotten what happened."
"Ah, but don't you see, Rob, if you're watching for transgressions you're bound to find them? That's why I tell you to let go, let it happen, live in just the sensations of the moment."
Rob was again silent before speaking. "I have the impression you influence Helena. She seems to take things farther when you're there with her. It's as though you goad her on. Maybe the two of you feed on each other.
"That night I was chained to the heat pipe, the cuff for my wrist came into your hand entirely too easily. It makes me wonder what really happened."
Rob took her hand and lifted to his lips for a kiss. "I am glad you're to live with us. Outside of the dungeon I'm happy to have you with us."
"Rob, I intend to have your trust again one day."
"Well, I can't tell you how to get my trust, but the fastest way to lose it is to be part of something unpleasant again. Your record is none too good on this point. I can't tell if you're a contributor to my troubles or just unlucky to be there when it happens. Ah! Here's a way to gain my trust: if you see someone else has me in trouble I don't want, speak up in my defense, make it stop."
"Thank you, Rob, for the advice. I'll follow it."
"You've heard the result of Cathy's evaluation, haven't you? That I'm not all that submissive?"
"Yes, Helena told me."
Some time passed before they spoke again.
"Hmm," Rob was really just thinking, he made the noise unintentionally.
"What?"
"Ah, well..." He wasn't sure he wanted to continue. "Talking about whether I was really submissive made me think about the question I asked you earlier: how I am like John and how am I different?"
"Well, as I said, you remind me of him very much."
"But you said he was submissive. Was he truly submissive?"
"Well, it wasn't a lifestyle thing. But come a Friday evening after a difficult week, he would take my hand over dinner and tell me he could really use a good spanking to set his mind right for the weekend."
"Did he crossdress?"
"Well, of course he did, I made him dress quite a bit. It was a regular part of our play."
"Did he prefer to dress, did he come to bed in a nightgown of his own accord?"
"No, it was forced feminization, part of our play."
After further thought, Rob said, "Marion, I don't wish to offend you, but a man who seeks out spankings and has to be forced to crossdress sounds very much the opposite of me, not like me at all.
"This is going to sound quite harsh, dear, but I feel it must be said. When we first met, I was amazed with how quickly you said you were in love with me. I wondered then, I am still wondering, how you came to feel love for me so quickly, at a time you we really didn't know each other and your knew I was still married. I am wondering if it was really me you fell in love with."
"What? How does that work, if not you?"
"Perhaps you were in love with the fantasy me - your fantasy - the one who would be just like John. But I wasn't that person. I wonder if you deal with the real me in real life, but in the dungeon you change to addressing the fantasy me, the one far more submissive, far better experienced and far better prepared to bear your dominant activities than I."
Marion was silent. Part of her wanted to hit him for his impertinence. Part of her was reeling, thinking he was taking away her connection with him. It seemed to her Rob had just pushed her further out of his life.
Rob pulled off the road at a layby. He turned to her, putting his arm around her. "Dear, I love you, I want you to be happy. I say these difficult things to you because a relationship that isn't based on truly seeing the person is doomed to fail. You must understand, you must take to heart, I don't submit because I have some great inner need to submit. I submit because it gets the woman and I horny. We play in a session to build the excitement, so we can have the best sex after. We cannot have sessions based on a misunderstanding."
Marion cried on his shoulder for a few minutes. She searched in her purse, digging out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. "God, this is so hard!"
"It is hard. I'm trying to make sure we don't make it even worse.
"Cathy taught me the value of open communications. I see I must do just that with you. You see, one of the reasons I'm wary with you is I'm never sure if I'm Rob in the session with you, or if I'm John's replacement. This last time at Cathy's you behaved very differently. You were dealing with me and the session went well."
He switched topics. "Did you ever chain John overnight?"
She answered slowly. "Yes, three or four times."
"I had been wondering if it was Rob or John you chained to the heat pipe. How did it end when John was chained?"
"He begged me for release within a half hour. Made all kinds of promises, how he would do something for me, how he would allow me to go past an agreed limit in a session as soon as he was released. By the time he'd been chained for two hours I had a shopping list of things he would agree to do, hanging out laundry wearing only lingerie or taking my golden gift in his mouth. I would extract a promise then release him. For a few days I would remind him of his promise before making him keep it. The tension during the build up was just wonderful."
Rob saw her eyes had brightened, her face much closer to smiling, as she recalled her experiences. He knew he hand to be gentle, but he still had to take her to the next step. "What did you do when your chained submissive angrily demanded release instead?"
Marion's face fell. She look down at her hands. "Rob, it was me. I chained you, I talked Helena out of releasing you. I told her we just had to wait until you were a blubbering wreck and we'd extract promises from you." She shook her head sadly. "I'm so sorry, Rob!"
He patted her knee. "I ask only you learn from your experience."
Marion nodded, wiping her nose again. Rob pulled the car back onto the road. Not long after their stop they reached Bridget's shop. They pulled into the alley behind the shop, arriving to find Bridget in the wide, double door, used for deliveries. The parts from the cross were already wrapped as a few bundles, easily loaded into Rob's car.
As they were getting ready to leave, Bridget grabbed Rob's elbow. "Rob, come to see me Monday next. I want to show you something, but it's to be a surprise for your friends." She gave Marion a mischievous wink. "So please come alone."
Rob pulled his elbow back out of her firm grip. "Can you be trusted?"
"Never!" Bridget's eyes had an impish gleam.
"I'm not at all sure I'll come alone." He doubted time alone with Bridget would be just business. She'd expressed an interest in a session with him the first time they met. Still, he was curious what Bridget had for him to see. He would talk with Helena first, he decided. "I'll let you know before the end of Thursday."
At the breakfast table Wednesday morning Rob told Helena about Bridget's invitation. "Frankly, Bridget's look was predatory. Something is going on, she makes me uncomfortable."
Marion poured a cup of coffee and sat to join joined them. "Bridget is a friend. She's naturally curious about a man who managed to gather four women around him."
"I didn't gather any women, Helena did."
"Oh no." Helena shook her head. "If it weren't for you, I'm absolutely certain Cathy wouldn't be planning to live with us. And I'm pretty sure about Marion, too!"