Chapter 16
"Rob?" Kim came back into the living room. She raised her voice. "Hey, Rob?"
The dining table was in the kitchen and had room for four, six with some crowding. The ladies had already conspired to seat Rob in the corner so he couldn't leave the table without their leave. Four places were set, four glasses of wine were filled, Marion was serving a lamb stew.
Helena looked to Kim when she returned to the kitchen. "Where's Rob?"
"I can't find him."
"Well, the dogs aren't here either, they must have needed walking. Come, let's not wait. He'll reappear soon enough and we can rib him all the more, a slave to those two bitches."
They began to eat. Five minutes later, Helena fell out of the quiet, inconsequential conversation. Five minutes later, she suddenly stood up and rushed to open and look out the front door.
"Helena, whatever is the matter?"Marion called, following.
Helena slowly returned to the table and sat. She tried to stay composed as she picked up her napkin, but burst into tears. "He's gone! His car is gone."
Marion strode quickly to the front door, then quickly came back. She looked around the kitchen. "You know, there are no water bowls here, the dog beds are gone. It's as though dogs don't live here."
They finished eating in silence. They piled the dishes in the sink, in no mood to do anything domestic.
They took their wineglasses and returned to the living room. Helena put her glass down and went to the whiskey bottle.
"What's this?" Kim picked up a DVD in a thin case, the words "for Helena to watch" written on it in Rob's hand.
Helena looked around. "Where's that telly and DVD player I paid for?"
Rob had added a DVD player under his old television, one with fewer features and a lower price. They figured out how to get it started and Rob had taken care to leave the television set up to display the DVD player.
The disk started. Rob sat before the camera in his kitchen. It looked like he was on a web-cam, Kim had an impulse to run into the kitchen and find Rob, but she knew it would be in vain. "Helena, this video is for you. It's up to you to decide if you want others to see it." He paused.
Kim indicated she would leave, but Helena waved. "No, we'll all see this together."
After the pause, Rob continued. "It's unfortunate we weren't able to compare travel schedules. As it turns out, I'll be away for a few weeks. I have a job interview in Ireland. When I return I expect to spend my time away from the Midlands. I may make a trip to Denmark. I shall be away for at least two weeks, perhaps three.
"Helena, I would like to give you my reaction to the video you sent. For your reference, your video is the next track on this DVD so you can review it in the light of my comments.
"It seems to me a good apology has some key elements. It's more effective delivered in person, eye to eye. You apologize by acknowledging what you've done and its impact on the person receiving your apology. You talk about making it right, about what you've learned, how you will be different in the future."
Rob sighed. "I found your attempt at apology disappointing. You talked far more about the impact on yourself. You barely acknowledged what you did to me, then you went on to talk about what I said, how I should apologize. Nothing was said about whether you learned anything. Nothing was said about what changes will be made. As far as I'm concerned, you haven't apologized yet. Marion must make her own apology, independent of you. After each of you have apologized properly, individually, we can begin to discuss the changes required, the commitments now necessary, the contract which will be written and signed, before I will consider living under your roof.
"Helena, even though I was estranged from you, you required me to be your servant. You called me, presuming I'd arrange your return home from Heathrow. I just called your company and had them arrange it, which is what you should have done. You presumed to come live in my flat. I'd be a poor host if I didn't welcome you and you are entirely welcome to stay. But I won't come back while any of you are in this house. You imagine I made a promise to your circle which could be expanded to include more women. I recall a phrase like 'these women now present' when you asked those questions. This is not the first time I've found out I've been promised to someone else without even consulting me. How many times have I protested I'm not just a sex toy to be passed around? I've lost count. You have no more rope on this one. The next time I found out I've been promised to still another woman, our relationship ends, full stop.
"This will be in the contract. The promise you imagine I made will be clarified and written in the contract. Many things we have discussed must now be written in the contract.
"What happened the night leading to my departure, happened because you failed completely at behaving like a proper mistress. You continued to dominate, but you stopped attending to the well-being of the person you were dominating. I see every reason to expect you to make a similar mistake again. Had you chained me, but recognized my state and done something to help me, I might not have even left your house. What angered me most was how clueless you were in the morning, failing to see how bad it had been for me.
"I've been reading while we've been apart. There's quite a common idea: after-care. You don't abuse someone then just set them loose, you care for them, bring them back to their real life from where you took them in your play. I've never experienced aftercare at all. If I were you, I'd be turning to Marion and asking why. Ah, but I didn't get aftercare from Marion either.
"To protect me from your mistakes in future, I am introducing a new safe-word: cruel. If you ever hear me use the word cruel, you will immediately stop what you are doing, find out what is wrong and make a correction in the instant. The consequence of a failure to respond and respond immediately, will be months of separation. You must consider the possibility, at the end of those months, I will choose to remain separated, permanently.
"Your mistake didn't just offend me, you threatened my health. I had no sleep, I was cold to the point of shivering nonstop. If you ever, ever do something bad for my health again, there can be no forgiveness. It will be over.
"Then, in your lovely video, you chose to call me out for what I said. You said a lot more about the apology I owed than your own apology. Let me assure you, I was too tired to say a fraction of what I'd thought during the night. You got off easy. You can expect no more apology than I just gave you today, in person. I said as much as I did only because I wanted you to see a proper apology demonstrated.
"I think you still haven't the faintest idea what happened to me, what I experienced, how I felt. I told Kate my version of events. Ask her to repeat what I told her. If I try to tell you I'll just end up reliving it, getting angry and shouting. So ask Kate to tell you.
"Helena, remember what I said about an effective apology. Review your video and decide for yourself see if you think it makes the grade.
"The next step is you and Marion each apologizing. After you are ready to apologize, I still must decide if I'm ready to hear it. Only then will I choose the time and setting for each of you, separately."
Rob's hand moved under the screen and the video ended. The ladies sat in shocked silence.
Marion reached for the DVD remote. "Let's watch Helena's again, I'm sure it was quite appropriate and he's exaggerating."
Helena sighed and waved her off. "No, he's right, I made my video feeling very sorry for myself, I'm sure that's how it looked to him. As I listened to his apology today, I thought how much better he was was at apologies than I was.
"I shall talk to Cathy," Marion proposed. "She might have some answers or suggestions for us going forward." They all agreed and what was supposed to be a pleasant evening ended with the three of them sleeping in three bedrooms, not knowing where Rob was sleeping.
Rob and the dogs spent the night in the cozy little flat above the carriage house behind a decent-sized house in a nice neighborhood in Birmingham. It was short distance from the University.
Rob reflected how lucky he'd been with the timing of the tenant in the carriage house unexpectedly canceling the rental. A place to go and hide, a place Helena didn't know about, had appeared at just the right time. He made a mental inventory of the other rentals his limited companies held, each near a university. It was possible he could disappear again if necessary.
Over breakfast the next morning, the ladies were morose. They quickly agreed to return to their homes and let the weeks of Rob's absence pass.
Over his breakfast, Rob was pensive, but he felt lightened as well. Helena surely had received a message from him this time. He was determined there would be no compromises on his hard limits. He loved Helena, no, he wanted to love Helena. But he was willing to walk away if she couldn't commit to changing her assumptions about him.
Helena went home and began the planning for a renovation of her house. Each bedroom would have its own, en-suite bath, which might bring the place down to only ten bedrooms. Other changes would be made as well. She was going to go ahead with the plans she had for Rob living with her. She had no choice but to look ahead.
She hesitated to make plans for the basement play room without Rob, but was unwilling to wait. Whether Rob came back to live with her or not, she would have a dungeon. She called it a fitness room and mapped out the basics so the walls, electrical and plumbing work, at least, could get underway.
Rob spent two weeks getting things done. He spent some of his time cleaning, fixing things in the carriage house that weren't right. By the time he moved out, it would be ready for the local estate agent to show to prospects. He spent some of this time working as well, his consultancy now had three clients on retainer. Occasionally, people were referred to him for single projects. He spent pleasant autumn days taking his dogs on long walks, in the city and out in the nearby countryside. Still under a year old, they seemed already full-sized dogs, smart, strong and attentive to him. They were still young but he couldn't call them puppies any more.
The time came for Rob to drive back to his flat. He packed up, loaded the dogs and went back to Oxford. No one else's car was there. On the top step he saw she had left a DVD, leaning against the door. He fed the dogs and watched it while his dinner was heating.
The video from Helena was short and simple. "Rob, dear Rob, I am a rich, spoiled brat. I am so accustomed to telling people to do things without a second thought. I constantly fail to remember you are not just an extension of my wishes.
"Kate told me quite a story. I now see how my being wrong started far before the morning.
"Rob, I am ready to apologize. Please tell me when we can talk."
Rob picked up the phone and called Helena immediately. They agreed he would come to her house the next morning. "And, Helena, we will talk alone, no one else will join us."
Chapter 17
