We had gotten in a good rhythm. I was no longer as uncomfortable with dishing out punishments and I had gotten a lot stricter. But there were still some challenges. I felt bad for hurting him and when I really put in the effort to be strict I felt like he spent more time over my knee than on the couch. First I would spank him for tone, and then for attitude, and then for not complying with my spanking to perfection. I was getting concerned, thinking, is this what it will be like now every day? Luckily, I did the smart thing and talked to him about it. Asked him why we still had a bad tone sometimes even though I was getting stricter and the answer turned out to be pretty simple, the spankings didn't stick. They simply weren't hard enough to be feared and remembered.
Here's the thing about men, particularly macho men, they respond to power and authority. They are also tough so a little bit of pain won't dissuade them. Michael is the kind of guy who could run a mile on a broken leg if you know what I mean. Basically, we needed to step things up. I did some research on different implements and their impact and we discussed the different options. Leather belts, paddles, bath brushes and canes tended to top the lists. Now bath brushes and leather belts are great because they don't look like BDSM kit, you can have them openly and they are easy enough to keep in sight. One issue though is that they are loud, in particular belts. Now we live in detached housing so it's a bit simpler, but at the time we were in a condo and the noise was a genuine concern, in particular at night.
After reviewing options together we ordered some new implements. When they arrived I read up on technique and even watched a video on how to give a caning, the internet really is a marvelous place. Then it was off for practice, one of my top recommendations for those exploring. First up, you need to figure out how stuff works and how it feels, and that requires communication. Second of all, practice makes perfect. So we tested out the implements and tried different positions and varying levels of force. I'm not going to give you all the details because I truly think you should explore this on your own, and have fun doing it! A fair word of warning though, it really does require some practice. In particular the cane.
The biggest realization was just how much harder I could go. Michael made me understand that there are basically three limits to how hard I can discipline him. The first one is what I think is the limit. That is well below the second one, which is what he thinks is the limit. And that is still well below the third one, which is the actual limit. This did require some resetting, but the main point is this, if the spankings aren't changing his behavior, they're not hard enough.
A reflection I have made when writing this is on the meaning of a female led relationship, in particular how it differs from femdom and domestic discipline. Supposedly, an FLR is a relationship where the woman leads. She takes on more of the traditional male role and acts as the leader. Femdom on the other hand is more about sexual domination from a female, think more of BDSM and porn. Domestic discipline is simply getting punished in an organized way. You are late for dinner, you get spanked. Sort of.
Where does our relationship fall into that? I have referred to it as an FLR, and still do, but mostly because femdom sounds to BDSM for my taste and domestic discipline is a bit too long, and sounds too harsh. Now although FLR swaps some of the traditional gender roles, it is NOT gender swapping. The man is still a man, and the woman is still a woman. However, a lot of what is written about FLR tends to go either in the direction of strong feminism or femdom. Ours is neither. My man is still very much a man (more so now than when we started) I am very much a woman (more so than when we started), so a lot of the FLR stuff doesn't seem to fit. In fact, if anything I would say that we appear like a very traditional couple, but a traditional couple with a strong woman. A 1950's housewife who spanks her husband in private. Not really of course, I have a job and we are not THAT traditional. But I think it is important to reflect on this, what kind of relationship do you want? What does your mental image look like? What does his mental image look like?
