Our Journey Into an Flr

I have alluded to earlier that there seems to be a standard repertoire of turn-ons for men who want an FLR, or at the very least domestic discipline. One of them is chastity, i.e. having his dick locked up in a little cage that keeps from getting erections, having orgasms and from being able to pleasure himself. This is essentially the idea of getting denied orgasm, and giving up control of the most private aspect to your partner. It is also intimately linked to the idea of tease and denial. Tease and denial is about getting "teased", i.e. turned on and excited and then being denied orgasm. Anyway, this particular interest is something that my husband also had.

Now there are three aspects to this: teasing him, denying him and actually locking him up. On the first part I simply asked him what got him going. And seriously, even if you are not doing FLR, this is something that all couples really should talk about. As with most men, it's pretty simple stuff. I learned what to wear to get him hot which was largely normal clothing, but mixing it up just a little bit. A bit of nudity without being naked really puts him (and most men) into overdrive. The second thing was dirty talk, just saying dirty things to him, in particular if they are a little humiliating. The third part is probably the most obvious one, stimulation.

Now, this can be anything from sex to blowjob to handjob to anal stimulation. And, for most men of this bend, giving oral. We'll get more into this but I can tell that the main teasing he gets is giving me oral. It gets him really turned on (teasing, check), he cannot orgasm from it (denial, check), he feels submissive (leadership, check) and I get to orgasm. So we started doing this a lot. I knew how much it did for him in terms of our FLR, and honestly, who can complain about receiving some oral without having to do anything? Most days that's the first thing he does when he comes home from work. He also does it in the mornings when we are not in a rush. I just tell him "time for breakfast" and he of course knows what that means. But I also like to spice it up a bit. I'll have him go down on me when I'm watching TV or reading a book. One of his favorite scenes is when I am acting disinterested or am otherwise occupied. So for example, when I'm getting ready doing my makeup he will be on his knees pleasuring me with his mouth. It took me a while to get there, but just having him give me oral at anytime of the day has really cemented the FLR for him and like I said, can I really complain about it?

The second most common teasing is me playing with his ass. If we are in bed I usually finger him, but there are many other ways to do it. Pulling him in close for a hot kiss and sticking my hands down the back of his pants and fingering him while we french kiss is something I can really recommend. If he's been really good I will go down on him, but not for a blowjob, but to lick his ass.

I very, very rarely give him blowjobs. Is not that I don't enjoy it, but that it shifts the balance of power too much (his words). So I keep it as rare rewards and the odd teasing. Making him think that he is about to get a blowjob and an orgasm and then stopping drives him insane. But like I said, it's a submissive act so not too often.

Regular sex is, I think, an underrated way of teasing. Telling him that he is not allowed to come yet, and then stopping once you have an orgasm is a great way of teasing him.

So that's covering the teasing but what about denial. This was actually quite hard for me to wrap my head around. I mean, I could understand the denying in the moment, but for long periods of time? Reading online gave me all sorts of pretty crazy levels. Couples where the man only came once per year, or only through ruined orgasms. Now a ruined orgasm is where you get him to cum but the second it starts you stop everything, so he gets to come but never really orgasm. I do that very rarely. The only times I do it is when he has been denied for too long but has done something that means he still doesn't deserve an orgasm.

Anyway, I thought originally that denying him maybe every other time or third time would make sense, but after reading about it seemed that the whole point was an essentially constant state of denial. We talked about it and settled on once per week, which seems pretty common. I guess it's mostly because we organize our lives around the weekly schedule. I will sometimes allow him to come twice in a week, but then it is almost invariably on the same day, but it's pretty rare. If he misbehaves, he loses his orgasm for the week, and trust me, that is a pretty effective punishment.

It took a couple weeks for me to really see the effect of the teasing and the denial, and much longer before I fully realized the impact. But to summarize the effect it had on us, the denial kept him fully focused on me. His attention was on me, rather than sports and video games, and I felt like he actually saw me, pursued me. Honestly, I hadn't felt so desired since we started dating. And that was one of the biggest realizations I had, when we were dating I was effectively denying him. Not on purpose, but I was as most women a bit cautious so he had to jump through hoops, go through a lot of french kissing and dating to finally get to do the deed. But then you move in together and sex, and most importantly orgasms, become habitual. And so his drive and desire decreases since he no longer has to fight for it.

Denying him all week long meant that by the weekend I had a courting lover again, who would be all over me. And that felt good. But after a while I got sloppy and the teasing was put on the backburner. Suddenly his desire waned and we were turning into a couple with a waning sex life. It actually got kind of bad at one point but luckily we kept good communication throughout and after that rough patch I put in more effort into teasing him again. It really doesn't take much either and after a while it started to become habitual. A little touching here, a few dirty words there. Dressing in things that I knew turned him on and, of course, the traditional womanly wiles. Exaggerated swaying of my hips when walking, bending over to pick something up and really arching my back. The little things that most women know, and some women do. The kind of stuff that if you do too much in public gets the cattiness out of other women. But in my own home I can do as I want.

So far though, I have only talked about denying him release from me, but what about him taking care of himself? You know, spanking the monkey. Well, that was something I had already read a lot about. Basically, the internet (at least this part) was rife with "all men masturbate all the time and to have a successful FLR it must stop entirely". Some women have a real issue with that but it never really bothered me very much if would occasionally take care of business himself. But if he wanted me to deny him that, I was also okay with it. I figured he didn't do it much anyways. But every page I read kept insisting that all men do it a lot more than women can imagine. So I set out to find out.

I got him all comfortable in bed and started teasing him. Fingering him to be precise. This was something that I had learned, that when in a state of heightened arousal you are much more likely to get the truth out of a man. So I told him what I had read about men masturbating so much and asked him how often he does it. He gave pretty vague answers so I kept telling him that I don't care, and I don't judge, I'm just interested. Eventually he conceded and although it wasn't every day, it was multiple times per week. I was a bit stunned, but kept my cool. I then asked about porn, and again, it was way more frequent than I had imagined. Mostly though, I was wondering when he would have time to do it and where he did it. It took quite a bit of prodding for this, but I was helped by the fact that I knew roughly how often, so there had to be enough times and places for the math to pan out. It was, no big surprise, mostly in the bathroom. At least when I was at home. When he was home alone though he could do it multiple times per day. I asked if he wished he did it less and he said "yes", another surprise.

At this point I decided that I had enough and so I put my face close to his, pushed my finger as far up him as I could, and said "well, that's all going to change, you will not touch yourself, orgasm or look at any porn without my explicit permission, ever." I waited for that to sink in and I could see him thinking, probably that I couldn't really stop him. But boy was he wrong about that.

So here's what I did, and where the chastity comes in. Again, if you go on the internet you can read about thousands of men who are locked up year around, so called permanent chastity. I did discuss this with him but it was a no go, for both of us. Instead I took a different approach. Basically, it's not like he would play with himself at any place in time, rather there are high risk situations. In reality this actually took me a long time to figure out how to enforce, but I will skip over that and cut to what we have been doing for the last few years and that actually works. The main thing though, is I made him swear a solemn vow to never lie to me about it. So if I asked him he would tell me honestly. For that to work though it also meant that I couldn't really punish him. At least not if I ask him "did you masturbate this week". Instead, I only punish him if I catch him doing it.

When he goes to the bathroom he has to leave his phone so he doesn't have the distraction readily available. This is actually a good thing in general, since it's better to have it as a phone free environment even when not doing dirty things. The "always on" issue. Thing is, he is still alone, naked and his imagination at hand. Now this may sound a bit crazy, but what I also ended up doing was to tell him that he is not allowed to lock the door. So a few times, mostly in the beginning, I would open the bathroom door to check on him. The first few times, lo and behold, he was jerking off. That led to a whole lot of embarrassment on his part, a really hard spanking, and no orgasm that week. I did this a few more times but after the first few he stopped. And that was that. I still occasionally find a reason to peek in, but very rarely.

The other high risk situation is of course being home alone, and this is where chastity comes in. There is so much information on chastity and chastity devices online so no need to delve into the details, but in short, if he's home alone he is also locked up. Pretty simple. He is locked, I take the key, and when I come back I unlock him. We also keep an emergency key of course that he has easy access to. We simply keep it in a little envelope that I have drawn on, so I would see if he had opened it and he cannot replace it since he cannot really copy the drawing perfectly. This doesn't stop him from perusing the dirty side of the web though, so for that we use parental controls on his phone and computer. It is a double-whammy because it not only keeps him from doing the wrong thing with his spare time, it is also quite humiliating.

So what's the upshot for me in this? It sounds like a lot of work when I read it but I honestly don't think about it. It's just a small part of the normal routine of life. The positive effects though have been huge. His attention, attraction and desire for me is higher than at any other point in our relationship. Whereas punishments have improved and removed bad behavior, this has created positive behavior of a kind that you cannot force, it has to come from him. But it won't come from him as long as he's looking at porn stars and getting release from somewhere else than you.

A final, but quite important point, is about the whole dominance aspect. I really enjoy the way our relationship has evolved, even though I was a bit scared in the beginning. But one of my biggest fears was not about the things that he asked for, but that it was a gateway drug to heavier things. Sure, I was okay spanking him and making him wear panties, but what if this would lead to him wanting to be whipped bloody and dressing like a girl full time? In retrospect, and after talking with Micahel about it, I don't think the risk was ever really that big, but the way that these kinks develop is that you are put into contact with them, through porn. So denying him porn has not only helped him, and made him a better and more attentive husband, it also brings me peace of mind that he's not getting into kinkier and kinkier stuff. Because his only pornographic material is seeing me sauntering around half naked in the kitchen.