Olympus Has Fallen

"Closed! What the fuck...!" Aphrodite screamed as she stood in front of the small shabby restaurant across the way from Washington Square Park. Squinting her eyes, she felt her stomach drop as this final discovery was revealed to be another enormous disappointment, the latest of many she had had that day. The sign on the building was clear, Temple of Aphrodite, Open for dinner at 5:00 PM, Wednesday Night 2 for 1 Calamari special; but a rough once over of the building revealed that this was unlike any temple she had ever seen before. The huge, grand, decorative arch in the middle of the park had hinted at something so much better than this low squalid storefront with the blue and white Greek Flag flying outside.

"Well, this must be the place, but great Gods of Chaos, what has happened to my temple?" she cried aloud as she glared in disbelief at her so-called holy shrine. Peering through the dirty front window, she saw several tables inside. All had chairs turned over on their tops and various objects that seemed familiar to her, but on inspection, appeared very low rent were scattered about the room. Her initial impression was that this place was hardly ornate enough to be a true a sanctuary to the Goddess of Love. There in the corner of the darkened room she spied a plastic statue of Zeus, throwing one of his famous thunderbolts at some unseen invader. Looking closer she noticed his bolt was festooned with a beer menu hanging from the tip. To the left, she saw a statue of Hercules fighting off the Hydra with another handwritten sign announcing that "Personal Checks are not accepted" dangling out of one of the jaws of one of Hydra's multiple heads. Worst of all though was the sight of a large garish statue of herself in the center of the room, showing her emerging from an open oyster shell. To her great horror, this homage to her was holding a sign between her breasts announcing, "Enjoy Seafood Sundays, Children under 12 eat at half price!"

Walking back into the park, now severely depressed, Aphrodite sat down on a bench and put her head in her hands. Glancing at the many strangers busily moving around her, all with ear buds attached to their heads, and seemingly unaware of her divine presence, she felt tears start to well up in her eyes. This "temple" had seemed to be her best, and only shot at returning home, and like everything else that day now was revealed to be a total clusterfuck. Pondering her new fate here in this strange new world, she felt her stomach drop as she realized that she was now trapped in this bizarre Godless future with her powers greatly diminished and no foreseeable way to get home. Seeing nothing but disaster and catastrophe in her future, a black pall of dread draped over her mood and she began to choke back sobs. Looking down at Constantine's iPhone in her hand, she wiped her tears away and sneered.

"This is just a worthless piece of Junk!"

All morning long she had tried desperately to call one of her friends; Persephone, Amphrite, and even Hera. She had hoped that this strange but familiar looking device would work the same here in New York as her phone had worked back on Olympus. To her great chagrin, she quickly discovered that human technology was no match for Olympian magic, and either Constantine's phone did not work, or, she feared, all of her old friends had evaporated into nothingness from lack of worship by the humans of this age. Was this to be her fate too? Would she, like them, fade away into nothingness by a lack of having her mana replenished by a host of devoted followers? Could this truly be the end of the age of the Gods and the final victory of human domination over the earth? Thinking back on the tacky, garish resin statue of herself advertising fish specials back in that run-down restaurant, she choked back a fresh sob that percolated in her throat as the answer seemed clear. The age of the divine was over.

Wiping these new tears out of her eyes, she abruptly sat up straight on the park bench, shook her long luxurious hair loose and began to scowl. This bout of sadness quickly gave way to fury as a slow burning rage began creeping up her body from her feet.

"This is all that fucking cab driver's fault! He must have taken me to the wrong place. I simply cannot accept that this is to be the fate of the Goddess of Love! It cannot be that this rat infested dive is my temple. There must be another one someplace else!"

As she stood shouting to herself in the park, several passers-by turned to stare. Raving psychotics are hardly a rare phenomenon in Greenwich Village, but as several male bicyclists who plowed into each other all could attest, there had never been a more attractive ranting nut job before that afternoon. Glaring down at her phone, she screamed, "Fuck you cab driver! You need to come back here and help me! You need to get me out of this mess you put me in!" Continuing to shriek out loud she said, "What was his name again, Omar something; Suro, Sara, Siri!"

Suddenly, she jumped back when her phone began to speak in her hand.

"This is Siri, may I help you?"

"Siri?

"Yes, this is Siri, may I help you?" the robotic voice continued.

Grinning now, her mood instantly was lifted by this unexpected and almost magical help coming from the disembodied voice in her palm. "Wonderful, finally, someone is going to help me. Do you know who I am?"

"You are my master."

Holding the phone close to her chest, she sighed deeply in relief. "Thank the great Lords of Chaos. Finally someone in this wretched place gets it." Shaking her fist defiantly in the air she shouted, "See Ishtar, you bitch, the great Goddess Aphrodite will not go quietly into oblivion!"

"Goddess Aphrodite?"

Blushing, she answered "Yes?"

"How might I help you today, Goddess Aphrodite."

"Perfect..., can you tell me where the nearest Temple of Aphrodite is?"

"The nearest location matching that name is located at 112 West fourth street, approximately twenty-two yards from your current GPS location. Would you like me to call for reservations, or would you like to hear the latest reviews on Yelp?"

"Reviews?"

"Finding reviews for Temple of Aphrodite." Siri began in its robotic cadence. "May third, JT from Pittsburgh writes 'Worst restaurant experience ever. The Calamari tasted like someone roasted a Nike and the waiters were surly and all smelled like cheap cologne'. April tenth, SD from Miami wrote 'Rats! Rats! Rats!'...."

"No, no..., I am not interested in a restaurant. I am looking for the closest Temple to Aphrodite in this city."

Pausing for a few seconds, Siri then said, "I am sorry. There are no other locations nearby that match that description. Is there something else I can help you with?"

Gritting her teeth, Aphrodite began scowling again. This magical helper in her hand was definitely a welcome surprise from her otherwise shitty morning, but hearing that there were no temples nearby instantly started the waterworks to begin to fire up in her eyes. "Damn it! Surely there must be some Greeks around here that would know...."

"Greeks?" Siri answered. "Would you like to know where the nearest Greek organizations are?"

"Yes!" she cried, her hopes once again soaring. "That would be very helpful."

"The nearest Greek Organization is Alpha Sigma Mu which is located very close to your current location. They are located at 549 East Third Street." Pausing, Aphrodite's phone went blank before a map showed on the tiny screen. "Now showing the Alpha Sigma Mu fraternity house on the map. Please find highlighted the route..."

"Siri I love you!"

"Ah!" Siri answered in its robotic tone. "You say the sweetest things. Now, directing you to Alpha Sigma Mu..."

Walking along the busy street as she stared down at her phone, she was absorbed into the crowds as the sidewalk was filled to capacity with dazed NYU students. Aphrodite, as she had all morning, remained blissfully unaware of the sheer havoc her presence was causing, especially among members of the male sex. Men continuously fell to the ground drooling at just one glance at her perfect female form, somehow made even sexier by the dark blue security guard uniform she was wearing. As she walked she created a trail of throbbing desperate men littering the sidewalk in her wake. After a short walk around the corner from the park, she stopped and glanced up at a run-down brownstone with the Greek letters Alpha Sigma Mu emblazoned on the roof of its dilapitdated porch. When Siri announced that she had arrived at her destination, Aphrodite grinned.

Looking closer at the building, her heart sank as it felt that familiar sense of dread when she saw the terrible state of its condition. Empty kegs lay out on the sidewalk beside dozens of empty vodka bottles littering the concrete steps leading up to the front door. Rolling her eyes as she thought for sure this was yet another wild goose chase, when she noticed the young man sitting on the porch, her hopes rose. Dressed in what appeared to be a toga, and holding an enormous goblet in his hand, she cried out, "Finally! My people!"

Steve Wolinski, a senior student and vice president of the frat was already drunk and the full party had not yet even started. Rush week was always hectic, but now that it was over, the celebration Toga Party for the new pledges was just starting up. Taking a long gulp from his goblet, he smiled as he finished off the first keg of the evening. Glancing blearily down at the crowded sidewalk, his jaw dropped open and a flood of saliva poured down his chin as his eyes first laid upon Aphrodite.

When his mouth was finally able to operate, he gasped out "Holy Fuck!"

"Pardon me, young man," Aphrodite politely asked, her face beaming as she saw this toga clad boy as a huge forward step towards her return. "But is this Alpha Sigma Mu?"

Seeing her uniform, he grinned knowingly and looked up to the sky. Closing his eyes and smiling, he said to himself "Jesus God in heaven, the guys on the rush committee sure out did themselves this year." Nodding yes, he waved her up the stairs as he yelled out to the others inside, "Hey guys! The stripper is here!"

Back on ancient Olympus, Hera and Ganymede were still flying high in the sky over Greece racing alone back to Hera's palace.

"So Ganymede," Hera asked as her eyes blazed in mischief. "I assume that you are glad to be released from your obligation to Euphrosyne? I know that you have the hots for her, but it must have been quite the ordeal to be naked and caged up for that long in the cave." Smirking she added "I bet you will be much more appreciative of having me as your boss now."

"Oh, Glorious and Beautiful Goddess of the Dawn, whose magnificence and radiance are unbounded by the constraints of time or space. My heart soars like the eagles that nest in the Titan mountains at the knowledge that I am returned to your benevolent and omniscient leadership. Your beauty rivals the...."

Winking, she reached over and pressed her hand against his mouth saying, "I will take that as a yes then. Now, the question I am the most curious about is, which of my Nymphs are you going to grant your carnal favors to first? I know that you must be extremely horny after those many centuries of denial, and no doubt, are anxious to empty your balls into some beautiful young thing as soon as possible. Since I sent them on ahead of us, I bet that now that they have returned to the palace they are fighting over who gets to bed you first."

Blushing, Ganymede for once, said nothing. Exiting a low hanging cloud as they descended, he pointed to their gigantic palace off in the distance. From this many miles away, a stream of smoke could be seen rising, but little else was clear.

"Look Ganymede!" Hera cried as she saw the smoke. "It appears that the Nymphs have already started the after party and are preparing for your big erotic payoff." Giggling as she looked down at his tight toga and noticing it start to twitch with his ever present erection, she added, "I think little Ganymede is definitely ready to go. So tell me, who is the lucky girl going to be?"

Smirking Ganymede still said nothing, but winked, indicating he already had a candidate in mind. As they grew closer, suddenly both he and Hera halted in the air. The smoke they had seen in the distance; which Hera had assumed was coming from a celebratory barbecue was now revealed for what it truly was. Seeing the horrific sight unfold before them as they approached, both Gods stared in terror and horror at the apocalyptic sight.

The palace was completely ablaze, raging fires sweeping through the hundreds of acres of marble and bejeweled hallways in a torrent of blazing orange and fiery reds. Outside, the once lush and stately gardens were wrecked beyond recognition. Trees that had stood for centuries now were uprooted and smoldering in a mass of charred burning wood. In the front of the palace, the sacred basin that had contained the flame of devotion to Hera and Zeus was now almost completely out. Its once roaring conflagration that usually reached hundreds of miles into the stratosphere was now reduced to a mere flicker of tiny flame in the broken shattered basin. Worst of all, however, was the carnage on the expansive front lawn of the estate. There, thousands lay dead or dying as a huge battle was still in progress. Lifeless Egyptians lay beside the bloody remains of hundreds of slaughtered Centaurs.

Shaking in an eternal rage, Hera turned completely red as she stretched out her arms wide and screamed "What is the meaning of this outrage!"

Her thundering frightening screech echoed across the peaks of Olympus and caused the battle to instantly pause. Every head on the battlefield; Egyptian and Centaur, now turned towards the booming sound of her voice.

"Hera! How good of you to join us!" Ammon Ra cackled as he gazed up from his chariot at the furious Goddess hovering in the sky. "How do you like the changes we made to your place while you were out." Pointing to the yard, he added "Personally, I think the whole fire and brimstone routine really opened up the gardens." As he spoke, another swarm of Fire Scorpions raced over his head to set fire to the few remaining parts of the grounds that were not already engulfed in the inferno.

Beside him, standing in the carriage of his own crocodile pulled chariot, Thoth saw the Goddess, and, wisely, gulped. Turning back to his father-in-law he whispered, "We really should be going now Ammon Ra. I think we have had our revenge to its fill, but let's not push our luck. Hera is not one to mess..."

"Shut up, pussy!" Ammon Ra snapped as he shouted back at Thoth. Snarling in contempt, he said "No wonder my daughter Sekhmet had to hook up with Zeus for her pleasure. I am sure she had grown quite tired of being married to a ball-less loser like you!"

Squawking out a guttural growl, Thoth screamed back, "I have had just about enough of your bullshit! Stay here if you want, but I am taking my men and returning to Egypt. Our divine powers are limited here, so there is no sense in turning this raid into a suicide mission."

"Go ahead Pussy! Run away. Run away like the pussy boy you are. Perhaps I will ask Sekhmet to lend you some of her panties to wear." Ammon Ra yelled as he watched Thoth turn his chariot around and begin racing away from the palace. Tauntingly he shouted "You are one worthless piece of shit Thoth, you know that! Cowardly motherfucker!"

"Ammon Ra!" Hera screamed as she glared down at the Egyptian Hawk Headed God through her icy hate filled eyes. Hearing her deafening voice, he quickly snapped his head around to look at her. "You have fucked with the wrong woman here. Before I blast you and the rest of your army to bits, tell me where my husband is?"

"Who knows Hera?" Ammon Ra answered through a forced courageous laugh. "Perhaps he is off fucking yet another Nymph since he is apparently tired of your old dried up pussy. Frankly, who can blame him? If I had to come home to...."

His ugly words were cut short in mid-sentence by the enormous fireball that shot out of Hera's mouth and slammed into his chest. Crashing into Ammon Ra, he was violently knocked out of his chariot by the blast. Continuing to furiously shriek, Hera now pointed to the sky as a large black cloud rapidly formed over the palace. Growing larger with each second, the mass swirled and boiled and looked like a dollop of tar dropped into an icy mountain lake. Soon, the purpose of this dark pulsing mass was made clear as a hail of fireballs began raining down on the remaining assembled Egyptian host.

Shaking his head to regain his senses from his fall, Ammon Ra looked back nervously as he watched Thoth's chariot disappear through the mountain pass and rush down the slopes of Olympus. His Son-in-law was in full flight on his relentless race back towards the sea, and one by one, his remaining soldiers started to join him. The frightened soldiers knew they were all in serious danger, all knowing that on her home turf, even the great Ammon-Ra was no match for the Goddess Hera's power. Feeling the heat of fireballs begin to scorch his skin as they exploded all around him, and smelling the scent of scorched feathers burning on his face, for the first time in the expedition, the Egyptian God began to think perhaps this might be an ill-conceived plan after all.

Now having landed and standing in front of her ruined palace, Hera's anger only increased exponentially as the full scope of the devastation was made clear. Seeing her glorious gowns and glittering jewels strewn over the remains of a broken statue of herself, a gift from Zeus in their younger days, she growled in pitiless wrath. These dreadful images sent her into a blind rage, but it was the sight of the dead Centaur Mimas that infuriated her the most. Seeing his lifeless body laying strewn in pieces at her feet, nothing but a mass of fur and blood on the ground, it was obvious that he had fought to the death to defend her home against these barbarian invaders. Suddenly silent, Hera felt a click snap in her mind as a new wellspring of hatred bubbled up from her soul. Glowering down at the routed Egyptians in full retreat, her mind instantly started planning for revenge on these murderers and vandals.

Dusting himself off as he got up from the ground, Ammon Ra felt sick as he watched his own crocodiles panic and begin to stampede away. With them they dragged away his chariot as they joined the rest of his terror-filled retreating mob racing towards the narrow mountain pass. Yelling with all of his might, he called out "Come back here, Motherfuckers! What are you guys so scared of? We are Egyptians! We do not retreat in the face of little Greek bastards!"

It was no use, the whole army was in full route now, wildly running off of the mountain as fast as their feet could take them. Now trotting after them, the Egyptian God kept yelling insults to get them to rally, but they would not relent in their quest to flee to safety. At the narrow pass leading through the peaks of Olympus, a huge bottleneck of soldiers had formed. Hundreds of men and animals were jammed into a tight formation, all desperately trying to escape Hera's vengeance.

As the stragglers fought amongst themselves to break through to safety, to their horror, all looked up and saw Ganymede now standing in the middle of the pass, blocking their way forward. With his bright eyes gleaming with hate, he smiled as he said, "Going so soon, boys?"

Puffing up his cheeks as he took a huge breath, he began to blow his breath hard as hundreds of men were immediately blasted to the ground by the hurricane force winds rushing out of his mouth. As they struggled to stand up in the tempest, they were stopped by thousands of vines that all burst out of the ground and quickly fastened their arms and legs tight to the earth.