My name is Michael - family and friends call me Mike. At that time I considered myself an unremarkable 23 year-old, English WASP with a degree in psychology and a post-graduate certificate in education.
I was working through my last summer before starting teaching in a secondary school near my old home town. I was brought up with the 'protestant work ethic' and had always had a job of some description as I went through my further and higher education. Quite simply it meant that while many of my friends and fellow students had a slightly easier life at Uni' they also had student loans they would be unlikely to see the back of until they reached their thirties. Mine was about the price of a new car and I reckoned with some careful saving I'd get shot of it pretty quick.
As a psych' grad I also actually enjoyed working with people. They are wonderful to watch and many of the jobs I'd done had made me invisible; bus boy, barman, sous chef to name but a few.
The last one I'd done had been in my distant University town and had been in the legal firm of 'Fox and Draper' as 'office support'.
The money was better than anything I'd done before and didn't involve me wearing a name badge. I wore a suit and tie, and ran around the place organising typing, copying, filing, ordered stationary, all of those boring office jobs that hardly get noticed but no office can run without. I was there three afternoons a week during term time, and five days a week during holidays. It was great for me AND my CV and the solicitors and legal exec's all seemed to like me, I loved it.
Except for Miss Connery; Sally Connery was office manager, technically my boss and a major BITCH. She was a complete pain in the arse that found joy in other people's mistakes and delight in pointing them out loudly and going over them and all manner of the most improbable knock-on effects they could have resulted in.
I had little to do with her in the early days fortunately. The brief I worked for discovered pretty quick that I had a brain in my head and gave more challenging work. He ribbed me about 'only being a teacher' and that with my brain I could have found a proper job!
But for all that, he kept me away from her as much as he could, until he took a 6 week job on in New York and I was thrown into the pool with all the other unfortunates. Sally realised that I had been saved almost two months of her attitude and opinion and went after me with both barrels. Don't get me wrong, the other office staff I dealt with were pretty good, but totally subjugated by this fucking harridan. I was no dummy but she talked at me and treated me like a fourteen year old straight from school, not a school teacher in waiting.
I pointed this out to her once β
"Oh," she screamed, "Oh, so you're so much cleverer than us mere mortals are you?" she snarled, "It's funny but I don't see Office manager written on your paycheck BOY!" As she shouted at me I saw the flexing of her muscles and her large boobs heaving, I dragged my eyes away from her big tits because I wanted to look this cow in the face; "And until I do, you'll do as you are bloody told, by ME!" she screamed at me, spittle flying from the edges of her mouth, "Me, the silly old Office Manager that ISN'T a school teacher but could think and work you under the bloody table BOY!" Her flushed face was inches from mine; I'd seen her reduce some of the office girls to gibbering crying wrecks in this way and there was no way I'd be giving her the satisfaction. I grinned.
This made her worse.
"That's it BOY," she shrilled, "You are OUT THE DOOR!" She was incandescent with rage.
"What?" I sneered, "based on what?"
"Based on the fact that I'm the bloody office manager, and I DECIDE ON THE IDIOTS I EMPLOY HERE AND NOT YOU!"
I thought she was going to have a heart attack.
"Can I have that in writing?" I asked, "Plus I want a month's wages in lieu of notice." I hadn't totally wasted my time in a law firm!
"GET OUT!" she screamed.
"No," I said quietly, "write me a letter and give me my cheque and you'll never hear from me," I paused and smiled, "or the employment tribunal again. After all, the rest of the staff now know that you think they're idiots. Perhaps they could have a go after me?"
"Emp..." she shook her head in self-righteous disbelief, "tribunal!" she growled.
"Tribunal, Miss Connery, I've handled two of them for Mr Croft," He was the barrister I had looked after, and he was good, "You are kicking me out because I'm not a mousy little spinster that will put up with your hormonal outbursts, so," I put on Mr Croft's best court voice, "Can I suggest that you go away," I waved my hand generally in the direction of her office, "you write me my cheque, cross it and I'll leave you to your... let me see, yes; your idiots." I straightened to my full six foot and looked down on her.
She stormed away from me and slammed the door to her small office growling and snarling all the way, demanding that one of the girls come with her. The poor unfortunate lady had the full blast of venom that should have been mine. I could hear muffled shouts and screams from her small box room of an office.
I put my head round the door of one of the legal exec's and told her what was going on.
"Oh fuck Sally Connery," she said, "the insane bitch thinks she runs the place, word is she used to get it from the old boss and hasn't been the same since he retired." One of the senior partners came in laughing that I'd really put the cat among the pigeons with 'that mad old bag'.
Ten minutes and one coffee later, she was demanding I go into her office. I did so.
"Here's your bloody cheque, get your things and get out of my offices!" she snarled looking at me like something trodden into the carpet.