The Beginning

I sat at home stewing over the day's events. I should push it aside but, I mean who does that! Yes I realized that this initially is my fault. It still didn't help. My brain was still latched onto the aspects of the taboo and voyeurism experience that it had turned into. It hadn't been enough anyways to stop the feeling of need that still coursed through my body.

I stared at the screen on the TV flipping through the Netflix options that were "for me" as I slowly pet River's head. It was a mixture of horror, thriller and romance. In most instances I watched a lot of horror. I used to hate it as a child but then I just started to love it! Slasher films were okay but my favorite were the truly scary ones or horror/thriller variety. It wasn't helping.

I needed a fucking good release. One that made your vagina hum afterwards. You know that feeling I am talking about ladies. It can come after a really good fuck or a long masturbation in my point of reference. I decided to leave my couch and go to my bedroom to pull out my favorite toy for this one. The one that I only used in these instances so I wouldn't over abuse it. Use it to the point where it loses its power. Because that can happen. Abusing vibrators can lead to lack of sensitivity or a basic inability for general release in certain scenarios.

This particular one had length to insert with a strong vibration and at the end there was the part that should be put against the clit that had a strong place with suction for application. I stripped my pants but left my underwear on. I liked to tease through the cloth first. To reduce some of the feeling. Because I liked a soft tease. Where it could barely be felt but was just enough...

I closed my eyes and instantly his frame filled the edges. Standing there. I began to imagine the events that had occurred. I shouldn't be doing it. I ran the vibrator end against my labia lips. The cloth was already moist. I kept running it over and over. The memory of the flick of my eyes opening and seeing him there, as I ran around the most sensitive area repeatedly.

I then began to imagine what had occurred before. As if I was him. Walking to his car, hot and tired from work. Seeing a woman with her head tilted back, eyes closed and her right hand making an almost indiscernible movement.

I slipped my underwear down my thighs. I needed access. I needed more. I had not really ever fantasized about voyeurism but the turn on right now was full blown. I was so wet that the vibrator slipped in with no argument. It had no particular girth or length but it was enough to give the sweet feeling of fulfilment as the suction brought my body to total arousal.

I slowly worked myself up as I continued the fantasy. Except now I was acknowledging his attention. I was doing this for him. I felt the buildup to orgasm. My clit became more and more sensitive as I turned up the power just enough that it was almost painful. I stopped my stroking, the in and out not necessary at this point. I laid steady with a laser focus. My need to orgasm was so strong but I rode the line. I refused to give in so fast.

I was dripping now. The sound of it could be heard if I continued to thrust the warm silicone. I loved the feeling when the machine overheated and the warmth of it penetrated the false skin. I upped the vibration and hissed in a silent breath as my clit went almost to that point where it would go numb. I was there. I was just torturing myself by withholding for the best orgasm I might be able to get at this time.

I envisioned him walking towards me. To further acknowledge our encounter. What color were his eyes? What would he do? And then it came. It washed over me like a tidal wave. It was what I had been seeking earlier that day and hadn't received. I turned off the toy and let my body relax. And there it was. The thrumming. Small vibrations and tingling, repercussions of what appeared to be at least a 50 minute session as I peeked at the time on the clock next to my bed. I sighed and dejectedly withdrew the vibrator. There was a slight feeling as it almost refused to dislodge now that I was completely swollen.

I wanted to just go to sleep now, feeling a certain amount of shame coming on again. But tomorrow would be a new day and this would go away. Just a thing of the past. Not to consider again. It didn't feel very convincing. I could still feel it. Burrowing into the deep recess of the brain somewhere. Terrible. More shame washed over me. God dammit.

As soon as I opened the bedroom door River and Whiskey excitedly jumped up and down, eager to see me again. I went to the couch and sat down to watch something till I felt sleepy enough to start the day over again. I should feel good. The edge was gone. The loneliness wasn't.

***

I had been alone since childhood. My parents had never really allowed friends and put me on a relentless task of no meaning. The good old age one that some might know it's origin of was cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush. From top to bottom. I did not often speak of such things I had endured. I didn't like to linger on that past history. Not even with the guy to whom I had lost my virginity too.

It made some things easy. You never miss things you never had. Or so that is what they say. But that saying doesn't stick. That saying is something people came up with because they did.

As a child I was a bookworm. It was an escape from my reality. I could devour books in days when I was allowed free time. Most were always in realms of fantasy and not of this world. As I got older I found romance books and "naughty" books. The first time I got caught with one my ass was torn to shreds. It got me put on yard detail which meant grounded. There wasn't much that could be taken away so instead work was given. It was running laps around the yard till my legs gave out and then digging trenches to nothing.

But he knew these things. He often consumed my thoughts. From that moment in the car it began. I was waiting for him to reach out. He was somewhere up north on the job. His appetite matched my own but I wouldn't know that till further in. And at times I could be insatiable, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

The recent orgasm I had had was not enough. I went to clean my mess. I went to the bedroom and pulled out the drawer to put away the tool of pleasure. As I did I saw the familiar vibrator that was from the beginning among the many others. I had since replaced its spot in my car but we had held onto it. I picked up the small purple instrument. It was almost no bigger than my pinky. But it still held the hue immortalized in my memory.

***

I arrived at my parking lot and found myself looking over to the adjacent lot as if I would see him. Why was I expecting to see his silhouette in the morning sun, I had no clue. I chided myself. Some of the shame was still there but the mixture of arousal was still growing. A seed that needed to be culled.

But there was no one there. The lot was mostly empty. The work trucks had all left for the day. A heavy piece of equipment sat in our lot that was parked impermanently for an upcoming job I was sure. As long as they used the back of the lot we never said anything.

I briskly walked inside feeling the slight dread for the day build up. The day before had been somewhat brutal but I was looking forward to some of the day's duty which included a lot of lifting that helped ease me. If only I could silently do that all day for today but I knew the upcoming duties required more from me. And I just wasn't feeling it.

The day progressed without note. I took lunch without a thought to repeat yesterday. I was able to push aside issues and just delve deep in. I almost forgot what had occurred. Almost.

I was wrapping up the day when I looked outside and saw someone out by the equipment that was parked. I thought they were there to move but as I glanced out again to ensure the lot was clear and realized it was one single person. Usually there was at least more than one. I focused on the figure. They were leaned up against machinery and as I continued to look it appeared as if they were just waiting.

My heart began to race.

No.

NO.

Was it him? I quickly stepped away from the windows and hurriedly finished the shift out. As I locked up I had my keys ready. I was going to be running. The seed that was there was dampened by the absurdity of it. Like the moment just after.

As I closed the doors I went at a fast pace trying to not glance at the figure seemingly to loom before me. But it was enough to see out of the corner of my eye that he stood up at my appearance.

I got into my car and should have sped off without a second glance. Instead I put my head to the wheel feeling a slight dizziness overcome me. It opened the floodgates. Shame, guilt and arousal. They swirled together making me feel confused. I glanced up. He was still watching me. I didn't know what to do. What was he expecting of me?

I couldn't handle it. It was obvious now that he definitely worked nearby and was probably on one of their crews. I decided to leave. I didn't know what else to do. I did not take the chance to look back to see a reaction. I stewed the whole drive home. What did he want? Did he really expect me to come to him? And say and do what? I got home and began to obsessively eat hot fries as I sat on the couch while River and Whiskey tried to get as close to my side as possible. They could feel the palpable anxiety emanating from me.

I didn't bother to flick on the TV. I was so deep in my mind now. It was something that wasn't on the list. I found my first what could be called kink in my own fantasy inspiration. It involved a strong man and a well placed hand upon the throat. A little bit of hair pulling and an ass hit or two. Pretty vanilla in terms. It would be further along that I would learn about dominants and submissive and things that went along with that lifestyle. Shibari being one of the more fascinating aspects.

I would have many fantasies about these things. But it didn't involve voyeurism. Here I was though at this time suddenly having a lingering feeling about a now personal experience. I found myself drawn to it. In part due to him. He had seen me and I just couldn't get it out of my head. I got up the need raw upon myself. I should have taken care of myself this morning but I had refused too, trying to tell myself it wasn't right. That might have been a mistake.

The dog's pattering feet followed me to my bedroom. As I went to close the door I ushered them out and ordered them to their beds in the living room. They left dejectedly but I had business to take care of. Here I was going to masturbate again to a man unknown who had noticed me at a time they shouldn't have.

It didn't take me long. I orgasmed quickly. This time only mild shame abounded. But the arousal remained. The seed was growing. And in it I found that small splice of courage from a few years ago. It had been awhile since the relationship that ended. I missed the physical touch of another person. A thing rarely experienced. Physical touch was rare growing up in a caring manner or in comfort. But I didn't know any difference when I was younger. When I got older is when I started to really desire it but also detest it. Not an easy battle to fight.

I woke up earlier than my alarm. The first thought when I woke was of him. What did he look like? Why had he been waiting there? It felt obsessive at this point. I got ready for work and I felt like putting on some light makeup. Trying to tell myself just because, though I knew it was just in case.

I placed food in the dogs bowls in feeling slightly excited to head into work for the first time in a while. I left early just to get into work a few minutes sooner. I was hopeful that an appearance would be made. Sadly as I pulled into our parking lot and the machinery was gone. I looked at myself in the mirror and gave a huff. I went into work and began the day, the excitement I had felt dashed.

As lunch slowly approached I felt the slight anticipation build again. I walked out to my car and glanced around to find nothing out of the immediate order. Ugh. What is wrong with me? I looked around again and found I had lost interest in going to get food. Even the possibility of arousal had left. Disappointment was all that was left.

The day dragged on. I was ready for it to end and also not ready. I didn't feel much like I wanted to go home either. But it eventually did. A co-worker wrapped up about the same time I did. We chatted about the adventures to incur with our evenings. As I glanced at my car I saw something once again under my wiper. I exchanged goodbye to my co-worker and quickly walked to my car the rest of the way, lifting the wiper to slip the paper out. It was crisply folded paper with the same permanent maker and handwriting. All it said was "Again?"

***

I looked around hoping and hoping not to find his figure somewhere in the dusk. I wanted to see him. I waited but nothing. I went home and was sent in a spiral that no amount of masturbating would resolve because I couldn't climax. It was frustrating. I was in "blue ball mode". It actually started to come into anger. Anger at myself and him. What did I think was going to happen?

That anger put me to sleep eventually. In return I woke up still horny as hell. I didn't even bother to try to do a quickie. I did not have to make it to work today as I was off. So it was just lovely. I could just brew on the idea that haunted my dreams last night. "Again?". I mean that was about as clear as you could get, right? In meaning a repeat of a previous experience.

***

It took that day to talk myself into it. And by the end of the day I was about ready to burst. I wanted it so bad. I thought briefly about just taking the edge off but the more I fantasized about it as the day went by, the more I realized I was going to do it. A nervous apprehension mingled with my growing arousal.

Next day I went through it. I hadn't seen him in the morning but I knew the time of day he would make his appearance. It felt like it had been ages since this all began and I had been without for eons. As lunch rolled around I fluffed my hair and walked out to my car. I didn't dare look at the spot. I felt like the courage I had once found again would evaporate. I parked my car in the spot again while trying to avoid the view of what was displayed before me.

As I cut the engine I finally glanced at the object that was lingering there. There was a large black truck that looked like it was well maintained with a fresh wash. He was leaned up against it. Almost smugly if I looked too closely. I was afraid at this moment I would lose my nerve. He made no move though. I still couldn't see his eyes but could tell he had gotten a fresh cut. His arms and legs crossed but he stood tall.

I could leave. I could just turn around and go and maybe this would be done. A shuddered breath left me and I felt slightly sweaty palms. I took the decision to turn on my engine again. I needed the air conditioning but I saw him drop his arms, probably thinking that I was leaving. I lowered the back of my seat slightly instead and settled. I looked directly at him as I opened the compartment in the car that held "Buzz" and pulled it out. He crossed his arms again but there seemed to be no reaction in his facial expression.

I undid the button to my slacks and slid the zipper down. The undoing of the little teeth a little piece of encouragement to myself. I turned it on and trailed it upon my thighs making sure to keep contact. The arousal was intense. My insides yearning for something. A sigh escaped in anticipation of the touch. As I retained his gaze I touched the humming bullet to my clit directly through my underwear and a moan escaped. I closed my eyes knowing he was watching me as the pleasure expelled. I was going to cum fast. I couldn't stop it if I tried. I kept my hand steady trying to breathe to slow it down. My eyes fluttered to find him still there watching me.

I closed my eyes again struggling to maintain composure. I lightly rubbed my clit further for more sensation. I felt it there, the whisper of a strong orgasm. I was almost there. I opened my eyes again to find him leaning forward slightly as if he could see closer. My release came, hard. I felt it straight to my toes and the heady feeling suddenly rush through my breast.

I sat there with my hand still under my pants, slightly gasping and watching him. His hands had dropped again as he uncrossed his legs and stood for a few mere seconds. Then he walked around the engine and got in his truck. The engine roared to life and he drove off at a normal pace without seeming to take a glance at me again.