Fantasies, what are them? I looked over at Kate who, dreaming as much as I, sat on my right watching television. We would have fucked as we normally did every night but we didn't this night. Or last night. Or the night before. We were losing steam, we agreed. A long time ago.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked. I had to.
"Mm." she replied, non-committal as possible.
"Oh." That was all I could muster. I didn't want to press it on. I couldn't even tell if she was randy or not but sitting on this couch and getting fat, I felt even more effete than ever. Powerless to do anything.
"Let's go out," she piped up.
Out? Kate?
"It's 9 o'clock."
"You make it sound like we're supposed to go to bed this early," she rolled her eyes, resting her eyes on the roof and wagging her foot.
"Uh. . ." I trailed off and thought, ultimately resisting.
Before I knew it, we were in the shower together and washing each other off with the awkwardness one would expect from a couple taking the shower together for the first time, save for the wandering fingers They did not wander, oh no. What consumed me? What consumed her! I was out of the shower before her and I dawdled on that thought, wiping my feet with the towel.
The clothes remained a difficult find in the closet and the dressers. Wash was tomorrow. I scrounged up a decent shirt which remained in the dark shadows in the closet for too long. It really had been a long time since I had gone out. Pants were more a-plenty and socks had to be found in a hamper of fresh clothes not put away from last week.
Kate stepped out of the shower and started drying herself out. I stepped out of the room into the bathroom. Kate, towel around her head and towel around her torso, paid no heed to the crossing of paths, a million times it had happened before. I fished for the gel in the cabinet.
How long had it been? I stared at the bottle - a month, two, three?
I fumbled with it, long out of practice and squirted a puddle into my hand and lathered my hair with it. I reached around Kate, who stuck an arm back in, grabbing for the comb. Not a word. I worked the comb and said not a word. The toothbrush and toothpaste, not a word. Deodorant, cologne, sparkles. Ok, not sparkles but not a word.
I walked out and put on my shoes to wait. Not a word. Not a goddamn single word.
~
I knew the club we were going to. We went to this every week for the first and second month of our relationship. Kate was fond of it, I was alright with it. Now? The music was strange, as familiar as it had been. The music screeched on the PA system, with no mention from the other patrons if there was something wrong with it. People mostly lounged about, never taking to the dance floor.
Kate was busy, taking her stool near the bar. I stood beside her, heads even. The alcohol, pricier than I remembered, tasted no better than watered down horse-water in a bottle. Lights danced around to no rhythm the music played and I stood there waiting. Waiting for something to happen.
Her eyes wandered from each bench, stool, and booth. Kate's. What was she looking for?
"What do you think about - " Kate asked.
I cupped my ear closer to her.
"What do you think about doing something tonight?"
I blinked. I squinted. I admit, I was confused about what she was asking. She smiled. "Sure," I replied with a delay.
"Kay," she replied and tapped her lip.
To be honest, I was counting my lucky stars she was going to let herself climb down the stool and walk over to the two girls sitting in a quiet corner of the booth, both relatively attractive but the one facing away got to me more. Instead she sat in her chair and pointed me to a guy playing pool under a red lamp.
His cuffs flared open as he made a clinching shot on the eight ball, ending the game. A round of pulls on their beer rounded up the reveries of the win and handed his cue to the defeated.
"Ask him," Kate insisted.
"What?"
"Go!"
"What?"
"See if he wants one."
