I never really learned how to talk to people. I was friendly enough, I thought, and they seemed friendly with me. I could hold my end of a pleasant conversation. But how do you go beyond that?
So at 25 I'd had one previous boyfriend. I still don't really know how it started, but it lasted a few months and then we split it off with no hard feelings when we both realized there were no other feelings, either. We agreed to stay friends, and kept in touch on and off for about half a year, but then our conversations slowly died off. That was almost a year ago.
So now I lived in a house by myself in a small town, where I knew all my neighbors but didn't really know any of them. Which was mostly fine. I still got invited to barbecues and street parties. Maybe part of why I never learned to talk to people was that I never really felt the need. I had friends through some online communities - much easier - and that was enough for me. Mostly.
I do have a sex drive. I'm not sure it's a very strong one, but it's there, and sometimes I wished I had someone to satisfy it. I'd sometimes wished that even when I'd been with Harold, and I guess that was part of the problem. He didn't satisfy my itch. I still don't know if he would have done, if I'd spoken to him about it. How do you have that conversation?
This was one of those times, and it was a lazy Saturday with nothing else to do, so I was indulging myself. I had a collection of toys that I'd slowly accumulated over the years, getting delivered in discrete cardboard boxes that I hoped no one ever saw. I picked some of them out, and I laid them on my bed.
Then I looked at the window and jumped in surprise. Stupid! I'd left my blinds open. Burning red I hurried to close them, then peeked through to check if anyone might have seen. The houses across the street all had three stories, and there were three of them where I thought someone looking at my window might have seen my bed. Those windows were all dark - could someone have been standing in them?
I comforted myself that it had only been a few minutes, there was no reason for anyone to be looking into my window, and anyway I wasn't doing anything wrong. Part of me wanted to stop, but another part of me reasoned that then if someone had been looking, they'd still assume I'd done what I'd been planning to anyway, so the damage was done.
And maybe another part of me hoped someone had been looking? Someone who wouldn't judge me. Maybe someone who could help.
Anyway, while I was deciding how I felt, I was still getting undressed. I tend to do that, act on autopilot while my brain is elsewhere. And once I was naked, I gave my trimmed pussy a rub like I normally did, and that sort of distracted me from worrying about whether I'd been seen.
So then I started to get dressed again. I had a few different outfits I normally wore for these sessions. This one was a set of black lacy lingerie - stockings, garter belt, panties, bra, and high heels. I put them on, running my hands over each item in turn, even this small act of eroticism sending a thrill through me. Then I put on a collar, a wide black leather one with a D-ring at the back of my neck. I looked at myself in the mirror - the word "slut" came to mind, which made heat rise in my face again, but also in my pussy. I'd seen videos of people dressed like me, getting tied up, thrown around, spanked, fucked... all the sorts of things that I wanted for myself, but had never found anyone to do for me. To me.
I'd put a leather paddle on the bed. I got on all fours facing away from the mirror, then turned my neck to watch as I gave myself ten spanks on one ass cheek. I'm never able to hit myself as hard as I think I'd like, but by the end there was a faint red glow. I did the same to the other cheek, imagining with every blow that it was someone else delivering them, spanking me mercilessly while he fucked me, pulling on my hair to help him thrust deep into my cunt.
After my ass, I turned to sit facing the mirror, with my legs spread wide. I pulled my panties to the side and delivered a blow to my clit. This hurt a lot more, and I yelped with pain before shamefully whispering "one - thank you Sir," wishing I had a Sir to thank. By the time I reached ten my pussy was definitely red, and I could see a faint glisten of wetness from my arousal.
Having warmed up, I continued to prepare myself. I attached a set of restraints to the back of my collar, dangling loose for now. I put a black rubber ball gag in my mouth and fastened it behind my head. I put a blindfold on my forehead but didn't pull it down, and noise cancelling headphones over that. A magic wand in a harness nestled snugly over my clit, not yet turned on or even attached to a power source. I climbed on to the bed and plugged it in to a box in front of me. A wire coming from my restraints plugged into it as well.
Lying face down, I brought my legs up behind me and fastened my ankles to my collar, pulling my face up to look forwards. I was already drooling on to my bedsheets, but I was used to changing them after a session. I pressed a button on the box, then slipped the blindfold down over my eyes. I reached behind my back and fumbled around until I'd fastened my wrists.
I tugged on my restraints, feeling that I was trapped. The box was set to release me after a random amount of time between 90 and 150 minutes, and until then - I felt the wand against my clit start to buzz gently - there was no escape.
Not literally no escape. The box had a button I could press with my nose, if necessary. But I hadn't used it yet, and I enjoyed pretending it wasn't there.
The buzzing against my clit increased in intensity, and I moaned through my gag. I'd set it up to behave randomly. Sometimes it would tease me gently for a long time before giving me a few satisfying orgasms just before I was unlocked. Sometimes it would run on full power for almost the entire time, forcing me to cum over and over. Once it had never quite let me get there, but it had brought me tantalizingly close multiple times before the vibrations cut out entirely, leaving me to try to grind against the head of the wand with no success. After I'd been freed I started frantically fucking myself with my fingers, but when I brought myself to the edge something in me made me stop. I'd pulled out, placed my hand on my thighs, and taken several deep breaths before getting dressed. I went to bed frustrated that night and tried my luck again the next day. I was very pleased I'd waited.
The device had no way of knowing how close I was, so I don't know how it managed to edge me so effectively. I guess I just got lucky that the way it had been calibrated matched my particular level of sensitivity so well.
Today, the wand was building up slowly. I squirmed as it went from a pleasant distraction - or what would have been a pleasant distraction, if there'd been anything else to be distracted from - to a level that I couldn't possibly have ignored if I'd tried. It built me up, and I struggled against my bonds, and just when I thought it was going to let me cum the level dropped way back down and I struggled harder, whining through my gag. I think I might even have mumbled a "please Sir".
Then it built me up again, and this time as I thought I was about to cum it cut out entirely. I moaned in frustration and tried to grind myself to the finish, but just like last time I couldn't make it work. That didn't stop me from trying, but I just exhausted myself.
And the vibes didn't come back. At first I thought I was just being teased, but after a while of trying to cum - unsuccessfully - I started to get a bit worried. I took a few deep breaths, as far as I could through my gag, and tried to orient myself; and having oriented myself realized I wasn't really horny any more and I was a bit close to panicking. And that wouldn't be fun, so I wriggled an inch or so forwards until I found the box with my nose. I fumbled around a bit and pushed forwards, and felt the "cancel" button press.
Nothing happened.
So I pressed it again, and I felt around the rest of the face in case there were other buttons, which there weren't. So I kept pressing that one until the box disappeared from in front of me and I guessed it had fallen on the floor, and I was still trapped and the wand still wasn't doing anything. That's when I started trying to scream through my gag, make as much noise as I could so that someone would find me, I didn't want to think about what would happen then but I definitely didn't want to think about what would happen if no one found me. So I screamed and thrashed, and I told myself very forcefully that I wasn't panicking, just doing the obviously sensible thing that happened to look a lot like panicking.
I don't know how long I was doing that for, but the noises I was making changed a bit when the headphones I was wearing were pulled off. I went from a sort of "mmmm-mmmm-mmmm-mmmm" to a sort of "mmmh?!" And then I felt someone cupping my face in two hands and I heard him say, "hey. Hey. It's alright. You're safe."
I started struggling a bit harder then, because someone knew my secret and I wanted - I don't know what I wanted, but apparently it involved thrashing helplessly for a bit. But he kept holding my face, and he told me "calm down" in a voice that - well, it was deep, and it was calm itself, it felt safe, and I calmed down. A bit. I was still definitely scared, but I stopped thrashing.
"Well done," the voice said. "Look, I guess this is embarrassing for you. You probably don't want anyone knowing what you get up to. But I do know, and I'm not judging you. It's fine."
I think I made a kind of small pathetic "mm-hm?" noise in my throat.
"So I promise I'll free you soon. But first I think we should talk. I'm going to take your gag out now, okay?" I felt the hands reach behind my head and unfasten the gag, with much less fumbling than it took me. They pulled the large ball out of my mouth and I still couldn't really speak, not at first, because my jaw was stiff. So all I said was "...ah" like I was at the dentist.
