I never really learned how to talk to people. I was friendly enough, I thought, and they seemed friendly with me. I could hold my end of a pleasant conversation. But how do you go beyond that?
So at 25 I'd had one previous boyfriend. I still don't really know how it started, but it lasted a few months and then we split it off with no hard feelings when we both realized there were no other feelings, either. We agreed to stay friends, and kept in touch on and off for about half a year, but then our conversations slowly died off. That was almost a year ago.
So now I lived in a house by myself in a small town, where I knew all my neighbors but didn't really know any of them. Which was mostly fine. I still got invited to barbecues and street parties. Maybe part of why I never learned to talk to people was that I never really felt the need. I had friends through some online communities - much easier - and that was enough for me. Mostly.
I do have a sex drive. I'm not sure it's a very strong one, but it's there, and sometimes I wished I had someone to satisfy it. I'd sometimes wished that even when I'd been with Harold, and I guess that was part of the problem. He didn't satisfy my itch. I still don't know if he would have done, if I'd spoken to him about it. How do you have that conversation?
This was one of those times, and it was a lazy Saturday with nothing else to do, so I was indulging myself. I had a collection of toys that I'd slowly accumulated over the years, getting delivered in discrete cardboard boxes that I hoped no one ever saw. I picked some of them out, and I laid them on my bed.
Then I looked at the window and jumped in surprise. Stupid! I'd left my blinds open. Burning red I hurried to close them, then peeked through to check if anyone might have seen. The houses across the street all had three stories, and there were three of them where I thought someone looking at my window might have seen my bed. Those windows were all dark - could someone have been standing in them?
I comforted myself that it had only been a few minutes, there was no reason for anyone to be looking into my window, and anyway I wasn't doing anything wrong. Part of me wanted to stop, but another part of me reasoned that then if someone had been looking, they'd still assume I'd done what I'd been planning to anyway, so the damage was done.
And maybe another part of me hoped someone had been looking? Someone who wouldn't judge me. Maybe someone who could help.
Anyway, while I was deciding how I felt, I was still getting undressed. I tend to do that, act on autopilot while my brain is elsewhere. And once I was naked, I gave my trimmed pussy a rub like I normally did, and that sort of distracted me from worrying about whether I'd been seen.
So then I started to get dressed again. I had a few different outfits I normally wore for these sessions. This one was a set of black lacy lingerie - stockings, garter belt, panties, bra, and high heels. I put them on, running my hands over each item in turn, even this small act of eroticism sending a thrill through me. Then I put on a collar, a wide black leather one with a D-ring at the back of my neck. I looked at myself in the mirror - the word "slut" came to mind, which made heat rise in my face again, but also in my pussy. I'd seen videos of people dressed like me, getting tied up, thrown around, spanked, fucked... all the sorts of things that I wanted for myself, but had never found anyone to do for me. To me.
I'd put a leather paddle on the bed. I got on all fours facing away from the mirror, then turned my neck to watch as I gave myself ten spanks on one ass cheek. I'm never able to hit myself as hard as I think I'd like, but by the end there was a faint red glow. I did the same to the other cheek, imagining with every blow that it was someone else delivering them, spanking me mercilessly while he fucked me, pulling on my hair to help him thrust deep into my cunt.
After my ass, I turned to sit facing the mirror, with my legs spread wide. I pulled my panties to the side and delivered a blow to my clit. This hurt a lot more, and I yelped with pain before shamefully whispering "one - thank you Sir," wishing I had a Sir to thank. By the time I reached ten my pussy was definitely red, and I could see a faint glisten of wetness from my arousal.
Having warmed up, I continued to prepare myself. I attached a set of restraints to the back of my collar, dangling loose for now. I put a black rubber ball gag in my mouth and fastened it behind my head. I put a blindfold on my forehead but didn't pull it down, and noise cancelling headphones over that. A magic wand in a harness nestled snugly over my clit, not yet turned on or even attached to a power source. I climbed on to the bed and plugged it in to a box in front of me. A wire coming from my restraints plugged into it as well.
Lying face down, I brought my legs up behind me and fastened my ankles to my collar, pulling my face up to look forwards. I was already drooling on to my bedsheets, but I was used to changing them after a session. I pressed a button on the box, then slipped the blindfold down over my eyes. I reached behind my back and fumbled around until I'd fastened my wrists.
I tugged on my restraints, feeling that I was trapped. The box was set to release me after a random amount of time between 90 and 150 minutes, and until then - I felt the wand against my clit start to buzz gently - there was no escape.
Not literally no escape. The box had a button I could press with my nose, if necessary. But I hadn't used it yet, and I enjoyed pretending it wasn't there.
The buzzing against my clit increased in intensity, and I moaned through my gag. I'd set it up to behave randomly. Sometimes it would tease me gently for a long time before giving me a few satisfying orgasms just before I was unlocked. Sometimes it would run on full power for almost the entire time, forcing me to cum over and over. Once it had never quite let me get there, but it had brought me tantalizingly close multiple times before the vibrations cut out entirely, leaving me to try to grind against the head of the wand with no success. After I'd been freed I started frantically fucking myself with my fingers, but when I brought myself to the edge something in me made me stop. I'd pulled out, placed my hand on my thighs, and taken several deep breaths before getting dressed. I went to bed frustrated that night and tried my luck again the next day. I was very pleased I'd waited.
The device had no way of knowing how close I was, so I don't know how it managed to edge me so effectively. I guess I just got lucky that the way it had been calibrated matched my particular level of sensitivity so well.