Ashley is trembling as I look upon her through the bars of the cell. The door to the death chamber opens. Through it, pushed by a guard, the stretcher bearing Regina Klein in a black body bag enters the corridor and zips past my wife's cell. Her jaw drops as she regards what she assumes are the remains of a woman with whom she had been conversing fifteen minutes ago.
"That's Regina?" Ashley inquires, her right hand over her mouth, her lacquered nails matching the burgundy lipstick that adorns her lips.
"I told you we could only do this on an evening my friend was working." I reply.
"I thought I'd come here, sit in the electric chair with the video camera turned on and let you strap me in, get a couple of jolts of the juice, and that would be it. Then someday you could watch me getting electrocuted while I'm sucking your dick in that chalet in Aspen you promised me I could have if I did this. You never said anything about me talking to some dead person while I was in here."
"Obviously she wasn't dead when you were talking to her. Everyone has their time. Her time just came a little sooner because she decided her husband's continued presence on the planet interfered with her plans to spend the ten million dollars of insurance money that was to be hers when he kicked the bucket."
"But she was nice! We could have been friends."
"Then a good reason for you two to have met under these circumstances, perhaps."
"I'm not after your goddamn money! I have three million bucks you can't touch invested in T-bills from that television series I costarred in. And I'm still getting royalties from reruns."
"Just three million bucks? Try buying a place in Aspen with that. Maybe you better get your agent to get you another television gig."
"The place in Aspen would be for the both of us. All you'd have to do to buy it is sell some stock or something and it would be ours, free and clear."
"You mean mine, unless you want to throw some of that three million bucks of yours at it."
"I worked hard for that money! And all the shit I put up with from the producer. 'Lose some weight.' 'We're going to shoot this over because the star doesn't like the way your character made his character look like an ass.' 'Look like you're in love with him.' He had the chutzpah to say that last thing after he made me get an abortion because the timing was wrong for my character to be pregnant on the show.
"So no, I ain't letting no man touch that three million bucks. If it's still there when I pass, it's gonna be split between whatever kids I have or going to PETA.
"If I stayed lucky I could have made another few million from my tits and ass. But I gave it up because I loved you. That's why I signed your goddamn prenuptial agreement without even having a lawyer read it. I want to have your kids and I don't want you or anyone else thinking I'm a gold digger. I can live off that three million for the rest of my life if you fall for some other hottie. So no one's touching my stash. Please don't ever bring that up again."
"So you don't think I worked hard for my money?"
"No doubt you did when you started out, but now you can choose from all the projects that come your way. Your money goes to the good ones and when they're hits you just make more and more."
Riled, she is standing barefoot on the concrete floor in the middle of the cell, clad only in a black brassiere and g-string. The top barely contains her breasts and the imprints of her nipples on the fabric remind me what is underneath, but now standing with her arms folded across her chest, angry that I have demeaned the small fortune she has earned as an actress, I regret having caused her to spoil my view of her luscious bosom.
There is fire in her brown eyes and I hope I have not gotten her so pissed that she will call off the scene. Although never a diva as an actress, admission to the ranks of the super wealthy is known to have that effect.
Dark blue eye shadow adorns her eyelids. Her Sephora powder has given her face the precise tone needed to fully bring out her beauty and the hint of blush on her cheeks enlivens her face, increasing the pathos of the story of a vibrant young woman waiting to have her life extinguished in the electric chair for a crime she didn't commit.
Her dark brown hair hangs only to the nape of her neck. It will be tragic to spoil her hairdo by shaving a bit off the top to apply the scalp electrode. But she has decided that acting in this little scene that will bring to life one of my adolescent fantasies is a price worth paying to become an occupant of the chalet in Aspen with which she has fallen in love.
My friend Ross emerges from the death chamber and walks up to Ashley's cell. We have been buddies since the First Gulf War during which we served in the Medical Corps.
I went to film school, began making movies, and ended up a Hollywood mogul. Ross studied electrical engineering, couldn't find a job in the field, and became a prison guard when a new lock-up was built near where he was living. His electrical engineering degree allowed him to become a savant on the effects of electricity on the human body as well as the means to deliver a lethal jolt. Given the rarity of electrocutions, he is now the only man in the country qualified to operate the electric chair, and he travels from state to state for the purpose of meting out this uniquely American form of justice.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Ross inquires, having heard a bit of the end of our tiff.
"Oh no, we're fine," Ashley assures him.
"My wife's spunk is what attracted me to her. The rule is that arguments will have no ill effect on our marriage as long as she wins."
"He doesn't want to buy us a chalet in Aspen."
"Chalets in Aspen are a little out of Ross's pay grade, I'm afraid."
"Little lady, if I were married to a woman as good looking as you, I'd buy you two chalets in Aspen even if I had to rob every bank in America a half dozen times to get the dough."
"Well, every problem has a solution. My wife lets me make a movie of her getting a fraction of the juice the other woman just got, and after she gets out of jail tomorrow, we fly out to Aspen and sign the papers to buy the house. Right, Ashley?"
"That's the deal."
"How many people have you done in the electric chair?" I ask.
"Six here, two in Alabama, three in Ohio, five in Virginia, two in Georgia, three in South Carolina, one in Nebraska, and four in Tennessee. I think that makes twenty-six."
"That woman I was talking to in that cell across from me, Regina, she's dead now, isn't she?"
"I did my job. It went without a hitch."
"So she didn't suffer?" Ashley asks.
"No one really knows; certainly not for more than a fraction of a second."
"Did they cut off all her hair?" my wife inquires, fretting about losing her own mane.
"Yeah, she cried a little when they were shaving her head. I guess that's when it hit her that this was the end, that she was really gonna get buzzed tonight. But she got over it and when they brought the witnesses in she told her victim's brother's and sisters how sorry she was; gave a real nice apology in her final statement..