My Max

I'm waiting patiently in my bed for Max to return from the downstairs kitchen with my dinner. She had promised me that she would make me my favorite snack, simply because she wanted me to be happy.

It didn't matter that Max had just knocked me to the floor only moments ago.

It didn't matter that Max had bruised my face.

It didn't matter that Max had scared me.

It didn't matter that she said she likes to see me scared of her.

I know that she loves me, and she wants to take care of me.

As I watch the TV play an episode of my favorite series, I hear Max's footsteps approaching from outside of my room, and I get excited.

She enters the room with a dinner tray in her hands, and on the tray, my favorite snack sitting on a clean plate.

"You ready to eat?" Max asks happily.

"Wow, that looks so good, thank you!" I say as she approaches my bed with my dinner.

"Move over, honey." Max says calmly. I do as she says and make room for her in my bed.

She climbs into my bed and places my dinner tray away from me. Then, she turns toward me, her eyes making direct contact with mine.

I noticed that she hadn't put my dinner next to me. It was on the other side of her body. I look at her and ask, "Can I have my dinner, please?"

Max just stares into my eyes, ignoring my polite request completely. Her face is still, not a muscle is moving. It feels intimidating and dominant. Then, without looking away, her hand reaches for the dinner tray. She grabs my snack and holds it in front of her face, keeping her eyes locked onto mine.

Then, she takes a bite.

My heart sinks as I realize what is happening.

"You're right. It is so good." Max taunts. "I'm going to enjoy it."

My happiness slowly falls away, and the heartbreak that I feel is supposedly evident on my face,

because when Max sees my saddened expression, she smiles happily. And takes another bite of my favorite food.

She relaxes and turns toward my television, paying attention to my favorite series and continuing to eat my dinner.

Even though she was satisfied, I was hungry tonight, and I needed to eat. So, I decide to ask a very obvious question. "Max...did you make any of that for me?"

Max laughs slightly. "What do you think?"

My confidence is faltering. "Well...I'm just... hungry."

Max looks at me. "I know." She says, before biting again into my dinner.

"Well, I'll probably have to get something else from the kitch-"

"No." Max says.

I look at her, confused. "No? No, what?"

"You know what." Max simply says, before looking back at my TV. "Shut up and let me eat."

I don't know what to do, other than what she told me to do.

She looks at my TV with disgust. "Ugh! I can't believe that you were watching this. This show sucks."

And then she changes the channel.

I lay in my bed, hungry and nervous, while Max lay beside me, eating my dinner, while watching my TV.

For as long as it took her to eat and finish watching her show, this is how the time was spent. I was hoping that she would give me at least a little bit of my dinner, but she ended up eating all of it.

When she finishes, she puts her arm around my shoulder and gently pulls me toward me toward her.

I let her guide me. I'm pulled into her soft side, and she puts her other arm around me. She's holding me. She's embracing me. "I love you."

A tear comes out of my eye. "I love you too."

Max lowers her voice to a comforting quiet, "Are you okay?"

I don't know how to answer her. I'm not okay, but I don't know how to tell her this.

"It's okay." Max whispers, planting a small kiss on the side of my bruised cheek. "It's okay, honey."

I start to relax in her arms, and I look up at her. She looks at me with a pitiful expression. "Poor thing." She coos.

I don't deny her comment.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" Max asks me.

"Does what suck?" I ask back.

"Lacking power." Max says simply.

I want to rebuke that comment, but for some reason, I don't.

"You don't believe me?" Max responds to my silence.

As I start to give her an answer, Max cuts me off: "Do you remember when we first met?"

I nod my head.

"Use your words." Max commands.

"Yes. I remember when we first met." I answer.

"Tell me what you were doing." Max commands.

"I...I was sitting at my lunch table, alone, and then you showed up and asked if I wanted some company." I answer, smiling at the memory. "It was nice. No one ever sat next to me before that day."

Max nods. "And do you know why?"

"Why what?"

"Why no one ever sat with you. Or talked to you. Or paid any amount of attention to you. Do you know why?" Max asks.

I know that this is a rhetorical question, but I still want to answer it. "I didn't know anybody."

Max giggles. "Wrong answer, honey."

I look confused. "What's the right answer?"

"Nobody was there for you because you were a loser. You weren't interesting, attractive, or even usable, and pretty much everybody knew that." Max says. "It was pretty pathetic, seeing you show up to every lunch with no friends. Who would want to sit next to that?"

I look away from her in shame and close my eyes, fighting back the tears that were rising.

Max continues, "I know you had a hard time when you were younger. You still have a hard time. Your biggest problem is communicating. Talking about your thoughts, your feelings, your desires. You can't do it properly. It's part of what made you a loser then..."

I open my eyes as Max slowly moves her body on top of mine, laying over me and positioning her face in front of mine.

"...and it's part of what makes you a loser now."

I can feel her warm breath as she talks.

"Do you believe me now? I'm insulting you, and you don't have the power to fight back, or even tell my that I'm wrong." Max says quietly.

I nod under her glare and quickly wipe away the tears that have escaped from my eyes.

Max smiles when she sees my tears. "You need me, honey. I'm going to take care of you. I know I was rough on you tonight, but I swear that I'm gonna make you feel good tomorrow. We're gonna put some medicine on your cheek, and I'm going to bring you something to eat when I come home from work, okay?"

I smile back at her. "Okay."

Max leans in and gives me a quick, loving kiss. Then, she grabs my remote control and turns off my TV. "If I'm going to be at work on time, I need to go to sleep right now."

I nod. "Okay."

"Can you wait here, while I get my night clothes? I'm sleeping with you tonight." Max asks.

"Sure." I say.

Max leaves my room, leaving me along with my thoughts until her return.

I didn't realize that I was shaking. Now that I was alone, I let myself cry.

Max was abusing me. She had attacked me tonight, left me with no dinner, and insulted me in more ways than one. I was starting to feel less like a person, and more like...

But the thing is, she's right.

She's right about me being a loser.

She's right about me needing her.

She's right about me liking this.

I need her. My Max.

Thinking of her, I make a space in my bed for her to sleep in. I give her the majority of my pillows, and make sure that my comforter is big enough for her.

In quick time, she returns to my room with her night clothes on. When she sees the spot that I had made for her in my bed, she giggles. "What is this?"

"That's your side of the bed." I say to her.

"You think I'm sleeping next to you?" Max laughs.

"But, you said-"

"I know what I said, doofus. But I'm not sleeping next to you." Max says.

She climbs into my bed, and rather than laying down beside me, she lays on me.

"Let me fix this." She mumbles, moving my pillows. "Lift your head."

I lift my head, and she places the pillows under it. "Lay down."

I lay my head down on my pillows, and I immediately feel more comfortable. "Thank you." I say to her.

"You're welcome." Max smiles. She puts her hand in mine, and lays her head on my chest.

I reach for the bedside light and turn it off.

I shuffle under Max's weight, and she wraps my comforter around both of us, sealing us in tight. Her body is so warm.

My stomach rumbles. "Max-"

"You're not eating anything tonight. You're not getting up for anything at all before that sun comes up, you got that?" Max says.

My response is very quiet. "Okay."

"And don't you dare wake me up." She growls.