This story is dedicated to my Master/husband. Part of it is the reality from the last time he came home and part of it is what I hope will happen this time. I hope you like it.
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I awoke that day much like any other, sighing as looked over and saw the empty side of the bed. I don't know why I keep looking over at his side of the bed, it had been empty for the last year, and yet I keep waking up hoping to see him there. This was not the first time I had had to endure a year long separation from my Master. He had been to Iraq before, but I just never seem to get use to the idea of him not being there when I wake up, staring down at me the way I sometimes found him, first thing in the morning, a playful and loving smile filling his green eyes.
I sighed again and turned over feeling the tears prick the back of my eyes. Then it hit me. Today was the day. I had received a phone call in the early morning hours, my mind still groggy from sleep. Ian is coming home today. My Master, my Husband, my Soldier, would be in my arms by night fall.
I threw back the covers and hurled myself out of bed. I had so much to do today, and yet it would not be enough to keep the clock from inching it's way to 7pm, the time when I was suppose to leave to get a seat in the packed gym, that the soldiers would be coming into. I went to the bathroom and dressed quickly, brushing my teeth and hair in a fury. With that done I ran downstairs and put the dog out and began cleaning the house. After all my Master had enough to punish me for over the last year, why add a messy house to it.
I turned on some music and set about doing my morning rituals of tea and vitamins, feeding the dog and unloading the dishwasher. Once that was done I did the rest of my chores, perhaps more quickly then I should have, seeing as I had to make them last through the day to make the time go faster. By noon the house was spotless, Gypsy, our dog had been washed, and everything was in order. All I needed to do was take a shower and pull out the outfit I had planned on wearing to the small ceremony.
I sat down on the couch and stared at the wall, thinking back on how Ian and I had met. I had still married to my first husband, and was miserable. My life had consisted of volatile beatings and brutal rapes by Marcius and his friends, and of course putting up with my best friend Cara sleeping with Marcius. That had been going on since my wedding night. But what else could I expect, not too many men found me very attractive. I was close to 6' tall and had a very German build, I had been overweight most of my life, my hair color varying from white blond (my natural color) and blood red. The only saving graces I had always had were my eyes which were a startlingly pale silver blue, my pale creamy skin, my full firm lips (lips made for sucking dick I have been told), my long well muscled legs, and my fairly large tits.
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But I digress, so how did I meet Ian and capture his heart? Well that is an interesting story in and of itself. Cara had been working at the local music/book story in our small town called Hastings. And Ian had just happened to come in to buy a role-playing book, something I was seriously into since my own life was a misery to live. She knew I was always looking for new players in our Dungeons and Dragons games, and thought he might make an interesting addition. So she sent him to my apartment. She called me 10 minutes before he got there to tell me she had sent him over, saying after talking to him she found out he had worked at wal-mart with my then husband, Marcius. I of course was furious with her as I hated people coming over without some kind of warning to allow me to straighten up my home. I spent the next 10 minutes rushing around cleaning and vacuuming my apartment, trying to make the shoddy surroundings look somewhat decent.
By the time he finally got there I was sitting outside on the steps with Marcius smoking a cigarette, trying to remind him of who Ian was. He pulled up and got out of the car and I was floored. It wasn't that he was every girls fantasy, far from it. He was a little nerdy looking, with black hair and glasses, but there was something about him. He had an air of not only innocence but there was also the quiet Dominance about him, the same kind my father had always had. He walked up with a smile on his face and greeted Marcius and I. He and Marcius talked for a few minutes about when he had worked at wal-mart and I could only stare at him.
My heart pounded in my chest and I found it hard to breath. His green eyes occasionally found their way over to me and I felt myself blush each time they did. I felt giddy as a school girl when he started talking to me, so giddy in fact that I couldn't keep myself from babbling. But he seemed to take it all in stride smiling and speaking in that deep quiet voice of his.
Marcius eventually went to bed (he worked the graveyard shift stocking shelves) and I was left alone with Ian. We sat and talked for a little while, planning when the best times for him to come over would be, then he looked at the clock and said he had to go get some sleep before work. He also worked a graveyard shift but at a hotel.
I said goodbye to him and was left standing on the porch staring after his car feeling my world crash down around me. I knew at that moment I was already falling in love with him.
Ian came over pretty much every day after that, my feelings for him growing more and more everyday. I knew he only saw me as a friend, but I couldn't help but be in love with him. We spent many an afternoon gaming, or watching movies (my head resting in his lap), or just walking on the trails up to the radio tower behind my apartment. Finally one day I decided I had to take action. He had been laying on the couch, not feeling well for some reason, and I had just gotten finished spoon feeding him the tomato soup I had made him. I knelt next to the couch stroking his hair and looking into his eyes.
"Ian?" I asked my voice barely more then a whisper.
"Yes?" he asked looking up at me.
"What would you do if one of your female friends ever kissed you?" I nearly choked on the words trying to get them out.
"I don't know. It has never happened, so I couldn't say." he said with a smile as he closed his eyes.
I decided to take the chance. He opened his eyes as I started to lean down. We locked eyes and I pressed my lips gently into his. We held that innocent gentle pressing of the lips for maybe 3 or 4 seconds, although at the time it had felt like an eternity. Finally he pushed me back. All I could do was touch my lips feeling the fading fire that had begun racing through my body from that one brief, innocent kiss. He looked at me for a moment then suggested a walk.
We walked silently on the path through the cedar trees and up the hill, stopping shortly half way to the top just before the hair pin turn that would lead us up to the very top. He had held my hand the whole way, but when we got to the that spot that over looked most of our small town he let go of my hand and pulled me over in front of him. He pulled me back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. We stayed like that for a few minutes in silence before he finally spoke.
"You know I can't do anything with you. You're married, to someone I consider a friend." he murmured.
"I know." I whispered feeling the tears prick the backs of my eyes.
Neither of us said anything after that. We simply walked back to the apartment in silence, holding hands once more. I felt like I was dieing inside. I had to tell him how I felt, I had to let him know somehow this was not me trying to play around on Marcius, but rather me being in love with him. When we got back to the apartment he pulled me down onto the couch and held the upper half of my body, my cheek rested against his chest, the rest of me stretched out across the couch. After a few minutes of breathing in his scent and gathering my courage I finally spoke.
"Ian I have to tell you something." I looked up at him, "And I don't want you to say anything until I am done. Please. I love you. No I don't expect you to say the same thing to me, but I have to say it. I don't just love you, I am in love with you. I have been since the moment I first saw you. You entered my life and my heart was yours from that moment on. I know how you feel about a woman being faithful to her husband, but I have not loved Marcius in a long time. There are things." my voice broke at this point and the tears started pouring freely down my cheeks, after a moment I managed to swallow and speak again. "There are things you just don't know about that he does to me, lets his friends do to me. This marriage was over before it started. The only reason I married him was for my mother's sake. She was terrified that when she finally lost the fight with cancer that I would have no one to take care of me and begged me to marry him so I was secure. So for her I agreed. And ever since the day I married him I have hated myself, and lived in fear."
I fell silent for a moment trying to regain some composure. I looked back up at him and I could see the softness in his eyes, that small show that he did care for me, and that he didn't like what he was hearing.
"Then you came along. And from the first time I saw you I was in love. Not just in love but madly passionately, trashy romance novel in love. The kind of in love my sister told me didn't exist. And yet here it is. But more then that, I feel safe with you. Like nothing bad can happen to me when you hold me, even when you just hold my hand. I love you Ian. I don't think I know what else to say. I'm sorry but I do." I finally fell into sobs clinging to his chest and he just held me.
When he did speak again, my heart broke. I will not relay what he said here because to this day it still has the capacity to make me fall apart. But it boiled down to he cared for me but he was in love with someone else. I didn't know it at the time but he had told me that so that he wouldn't be the cause of my marriage ending.
Eventually things progressed between us, from holding hand to heavy petting, to sleeping (and yes I mean actually honest to God sleeping) with each other. Those were my favorite nights, the nights he would hold me as I slept. Because the nightmares that usually came, had come since I was a child, did not come when he held me as I slept. Finally he had to go away, to his nephew's christening in Iowa, for a week. I was completely depressed when he left but I did as he asked and tried to put my marriage back together. After 15 minutes of talking to Marcius I knew it was over. I couldn't take his temper anymore. So after several tears (on his part) as well as much begging (also on his part), he finally realized it was over. He promptly went next door to Cara's apartment and asked her on a date. And I sat alone wishing Ian was there to talk to.
Ian called me later that night and I told him Marcius and I were getting a divorce. He begged me not to. He didn't want to be the cause of our marriage ending. I assured him he wasn't, that it was entirely because of Marcius' temper and violent nature towards me, a nature which in the past few weeks Ian had seen. So much so in fact that he had pulled a knife on Marcius and told him not to touch me again.
