My Husband the Pun

I know you heard me come home just now, so where is my glass of wine?

You know how I like my relaxation after a long night out on the town; I have made that quite clear.

When I told you to leave the Saddle Ranch Saloon, you didn't leave immediately did you? No, you just had to stay and watch me ride that bull, showing of my long legs under that denim miniskirt that you pulled over my hips and naked ass before we left. Remember when I had you make sure that my ass was clean but not tasting like soap? Yeah, you remember.

Well I have to say, my ass felt good on that leather saddle. Did you see that tall guy help me back on that bull over and over again? You know he was sliding his hands over my legs every time. That left me so horny, I am sure he could smell my pussy juice. As a matter of fact, I know he did. He told me that later. A strong bull between my thighs and a half drunken crowd to cheer me on, what more can a girl ask for? Well, I can think of a few things, but I am getting ahead of myself.

So you did not leave, when I told you to. I wonder why? Was it because you wanted to see what they would do to me, which you know you cannot? You really should have left. Now everyone knows that you are not enough man for me; that I ask for sex from total strangers. Asking them to take me in bathrooms, preferably with some friends...

You did see the bachelor party, didn't you? The guys in the back shooting pool, you saw them. You saw me walk up to them after riding that bull, with a tray full of shots of tequila which I charged to your card? You know, if it wasn't for your being incapable of satisfying me, none of this would have happened. I would have never had to show off my body on that bull. I would have never had to let them grope me while shooting pool. I would have never had to wear a see-through shirt without wearing a bra. But you like it, don't you? Did you hear me tell them that my husband would get hot if he were to see me with them? Did you hear their reactions? You did, didn't you? You did see me give the groom head behind the pool table, didn't you? With a mouth full of sperm, I pointed you out to them and told them that you are my husband. You liked it when they started laughing at you?

Could you hear me ask the soon-to-be groom if he could please watch me fuck his best man?

Or maybe you just wanted to see me take all of them in the men's room. Did you stand near the door trying to hear the sounds of them fucking me? Could you hear me slurp on those cocks? Did you hear how they cheered each other on when they fucked me up against the stall and on the floor of that dirty bathroom? Did you hear me scream with delight when that really big guy bent me over the sink and shoved his rock hard cock into my tiny asshole?

Were you there when security came and took part in my gangbang and pushed his flashlight in my pussy while he was fucking my ass?

I bet you were. Not man enough to come in and stop me, were you now? You probably heard them refer to you as "the punk who cannot handle his business." And that probably turned you on even more, didn't it?

At what point exactly did you leave the bar? Traffic on Sunset is a bitch no, on the weekends? I know you must have just come home as well. Is that why my glass of wine was not in your hand when I entered the door? Well, I don't think traffic is the bitch here, now is it?

It is you. You, who gets off on hearing me get fucked by other men, real men, in a bathroom of a tacky bar in Hollywood. You, who doesn't even come in to watch. You, who cannot wait for me to come home, knowing that I have no reason to.

But I do have a reason, my little bitch. My asshole needs cleaning. So why don't you take off my clothes and start licking the cum off my legs. And maybe, just maybe will I let you lick my asshole long enough for you to satisfy yourself by pressing your lousy little cock against the mattress.