I closed my eyes and tried to remember how to breathe as I felt the crushed velvet envelop my ankles. Torn between anticipation and anxiety I tried to ignore the part of me that screamed out how foolish this was, to submit to someone who was almost a stranger, who I had never had sex with before, who had the same cravings I did. In a burst of fear, I opened my eyes, about to call out for you to stop, to wait. I felt my arms pull almost painfully taut as you secured them to the frame of the bed, having already tied my ankles, and the words died unspoken in my throat. The adrenaline coursed through my body as I accepted the fact that for tonight I was yours to do with as you pleased, your willing victim.
The safe word hung heavy in my mind, and I wondered briefly if I would need to say it, or if you would honour it. You had promised to be gentle with me, but could I really trust you? Doubts once again began to assail my mind. Suddenly, the feel of your breathe searing my neck as you lowered yourself towards my throat caused any thoughts I had to disappear, lost in a sea of hunger. A slight whimper of surprise, of pleasure, escaped me as I felt your teeth pierce my flesh. Unsure and uncaring if you had drawn blood I let myself drown in your touch.
This was the first time I truly could enjoy the pleasures of pain. The first time that I would be with someone who not only understood my desires, but also shared them. Overwhelmed with the urge to touch you, to please you, I strained against the binds at my wrists, and arched upwards against your body, whispering the word "please."
I don't really know what I was asking for, maybe it was for release of my wrists, or maybe it was for release of my body. Regardless, your head raised slightly from my body, and the fierceness in your eyes combined with the wet crimson colour of your lips stole my breath away as you silently reprimanded me for speaking.
Your nails dug into my sides, my back, my mind, as you continued to brutally kiss me, and for a moment I was reminded of a wild animal feeding off its prey. Whether it was in punishment for speaking, or whether you were simply becoming more amorous, more uninhibited, I shivered as you drew away from me to retrieve a small knife from the bedside table. Unable to look, I closed my eyes and waited for the cold steel to pierce my skin. The moments continued for what seemed like an eternity as I waited for the inevitable, wondering exactly how much pain I would still find enjoyable.
I jumped slightly as I felt your hand touch my chin, raising my head up slightly. Opening my eyes in surprise I couldn't help but smile in response as I saw the slight smile lighting your face. You looked hungry, yet at the same time seemed to be almost mocking me for closing my eyes, and silently asking if I wanted you to continue. The complex emotions swirled in your eyes, making me dizzy even as it renewed my desire. More sure of this moment than anything else in my life, all I could do was nod my head as you let the steel caress my cheek, languidly trailing a path down my flesh.
