As always:
Thanks to rf-fast for the editing work. Your insights are what prevents this story from being mindless drivel. Thanks!
*****
I grew up on fairytales. Prince Charming saves the Princess. The knight in shining armor heroically helps the damsel in distress. The beast and the beauty come together when no one thought it was possible. Every book or movie I watched growing up had something to do with fairytales. From a young age, all I wanted to be was a princess. I wanted my knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet because he fell hopelessly in love with me at first sight, and afterwards, we would live happily ever after. The problem with fairytales is they never actually explain what happily ever after is...
Sex. By the time my first semester of college was over, I realized I could care less about it. I had three partners in my life and all of them left me unimpressed with the act. I found it wasn't like any movie I had seen. In romance movies, the guy and girl get together and they share this mind-blowing experience and their souls seem to unite. Even in porn, when you know it's just a wham, bam, thank you ma'am scenario, the women seem to be crying out in sheer bliss. Like all of entertainment, I came to the conclusion that sex was a lie. It was something that Hollywood (or wherever porn is shot) makes up to sell-sell-sell their product, preying on the minds of us dreamers saying, "See the great sexual life you could be having?" Ugh!
My first experience was with my boyfriend in High School. I came from a small town farming community where everyone knew everyone by name. Nate was a real sweet guy and I thought we were destined to be together forever. We weren't a prince and princess, but we did come in third for prom king and queen. That would have been magical, Queen Andrea Lockhart. At the end of our senior year, I knew it wasn't going to last. We saw our lives going in two different directions. I wanted to leave the small town lifestyle and he wanted to take over his family farm. When I got accepted to State University in the big city of Hilldale, I knew it was over. I decided to give the nicest guy I knew my virginity. I knew I was using him as I didn't want to go to college a virgin but Nate wasn't complaining. Actually, he was excited. So with two days before I left, we did the deed.
It was nothing like I expected. Nate pushed in and it felt like I was being split in half. It hurt like hell. Where was this in the movies? The pain NEVER stopped. It was so bad, I was crying. If Nate would have seen it, I'm sure he would have stopped but his eyes remained clenched shut. Fifteen minutes later, Nate started shaking on top of me. Thank goodness that was over, that pain was intense. He rolled off to the side of me and thanked me repeatedly. I told you he was happy. But what about me? Am I a woman now? Where was the soul connection or at the very least my sheer bliss? The only thing I felt was soreness.
I went to my first frat party during my first week on campus. School was beginning in a couple days and I wanted to experience a college party before I had to put all my effort into my studies. I was hanging around and the scene was much different from any party I had attended while in High School. Parties back home had at most twenty people there and we would play games, listen to music, or if we were at Marge Stanton's home, we swam. Here, there were people everywhere, the alcohol flowed, the music loud, and sexual activity abound, from kissing to touching to flashing to - was that girl sucking that guys penis? It was an eye opening experience to say the least. That's when I met Lance.
Lance was entering his junior year and I was at his frat house, the Phi Delta Omega's. He didn't slay a dragon as his name might suggest but he was cute. I guess you can say we dated for about a week. We hung out in between classes and every evening. He even took me out once; dinner and a movie. Being that he was a philosophy major, you would think he would be a good conversationalist, but all he talked about was sex. Whenever together, he would constantly be grabbing at me. I guess it was supposed to be a compliment. Finally, I caved. Maybe the sex I had experienced was only bad because it was my first time? We were under the covers in his bed and I let him take off my clothes. He gave me the most wicked smile as he climbed on top of me.
He barreled into me and kept proclaiming, "Can you feel that?"
I didn't know if I was supposed to answer him or not, but after the fifth time, I did. "Not really." It was the truth. He was inside me and I barely felt anything. I didn't even feel pain. Sex was becoming very confusing.
Lance stopped mid stroke. "What was that?"
"Oh, it was rhetorical? It's just that you kept asking."
This upset him to no end. He stood up and started getting dressed. I was surprised when I caught a glimpse of his penis. It was only the second one I have ever seen but the two couldn't have been any more different. Nate looked like they did in the porno movies, perhaps bigger and definitely thicker. Lance was - what's a good comparison? - A sewing needle?
Lance kicked me out. His final words were "If I knew you weren't a virgin, I never would have went out with you."
The words stung, but not so much as what happened next. The following day, I was inundated with stares and whispers. I was Ms. Popular and had no idea why. Well, as it turns out, I am now the school whore. Lance informed everyone that not only did we have sex, but I also used him just to add another notch to my belt, whatever that meant. He told everyone that my goal at college was to be fucked by every guy there, students and faculty. Girls hated me and the guys approached me in troves. All for the wrong reasons. Worst of all, I still have no idea what I said to Lance to make him so angry. I came close to packing up my things and heading home. It was obvious that I was out of my element.
Charlie Anderson was in my freshman biology course. He was better than average looking, but was immensely shy. He rarely talked to anyone, and that was only if they spoke to him first. My fellow students resented him due to him smashing the curve on everything assigned. I felt bad for instigating our relationship, but I was frustrated, stressed, and I was ready to snap. I wasn't asking him to defeat an evil witch, I just wanted him to be my shield.
First, I simply asked if he could help me study. After some time, I asked him to go on a date. Then a second one. He was so shy, he could still barely talk to me, but his actions when we were together made me feel like a normal girl again. He was a perfect gentleman, always considerate, and didn't grope me once. He was really polite. The problem was that we had nothing in common. We both knew it. Then one night while we were in my dorm room, we had the most honest conversation. Ever.
"Why are you with me?"
"Uh," Charlie stammered.
"Please Charlie, you aren't going to hurt my feelings." I put my hand over his.
Charlie's head shied down, "Because you're a girl and I'm tired of everyone accusing me of being gay."
"You never had a girlfriend?"
Charlie shook his head, "I'm sorry. I should probably leave."
"Why would you leave? I'm with you for the same reason."
"You are?" Confusion swept across Charlie's face, "I thought you have been with every guy in town?"
My shoulders fell and I sniffled away the tears. "No, I've been with two people and only one lives in this state."
"Now I get it," Charlie smiled. "For a week I was trying to figure out how to break up with you without hurting your feelings. I mean I still like you as a friend but..."
"Me too." I interrupted. "How about this? We pretend to be dating until one of us finds someone else. We support each other. You get to ask me all the questions you want about girls and I still have my protection from the other students. Deal?"
"Deal."
Once everything was in the open, both of us felt so much better about ourselves. We no longer felt we were using the other for our own purposes, but it was now a mutual understanding. We were still bored when we hung out together, but it was understood. Plus was the added bonus that my grade in biology and his in Algebra soared as math was my best subject.
It was Sunday afternoon and I was going stir crazy. It really does stink to not have any friends, though I still got asked out by a slew of guys, in front of Charlie at times, but instead of being pushy like before, they give up quickly when I say "I have a boyfriend." What's worse is that I'm poor too. Life is boring when you are stuck in your room because you are a broke college student who has to rely on the bus to get around. Maybe Charlie would hang out. We can be bored together.
"Charlie, do you think you can take me to the mall? I really need to pick up some things." And by things, I meant bras. I apparently grew a little since the beginning of the year and needed something that wasn't strangling my body. But saying that would scare off my potential ride.
"Ah, come on, we already went on our 'date' this week. Besides, I'm in the middle of an intense battle. DIE ALREADY!"