Chapter 35
It wasn't long after Ms. Laura left Emily and I went upstairs. Emotion was still heavy between us and it felt so wrong to both be naked. We got dressed and then met in the family room on the couch. I embraced her.
"Are you alright?" she asked softly.
I sighed, "No, you?"
"No," she replied, "I can't believe she didn't tell me."
I swallowed some emotion, "I haven't seen her in the past four years, but I've always had such an open relationship with her. The fact she had been hiding this is hard to believe."
"I know," Emily said her face buried in my chest, "she helped me so much and I thought we had such an intimate connection."
"We still do," I reminded her not sure if I believed it myself, "she just didn't want to upset us and ruin the mood this week."
It definitely would have been a buzz kill I thought to myself. My feelings about Ms. Laura were so confused. I saw her as a friend, a motherly figure, and a sexual being. All three of those things clashed in my head. I found it hard to reconcile the leather-clad dominatrix with the sick old woman upstairs. Emily's feelings about it seemed to be less complex. She started to cry and all I could do was hold her.
We stayed like that for over an hour before the clock struck five. We figured it was time to order the food and wake Ms. Laura. I got on the phone and Emily disappeared upstairs. Once the order was placed I found a spot in the study to sit and think.
The Christmas tree was still lit, but the spirit was gone. The complexity of emotions I felt weighed me down. I hesitated to say I loved Ms. Laura because the sexual aspect of our relationship seemed to change that word. It didn't feel like the familial sort of love you have for close kin, but it wasn't the carnal sense you have for your wife or girlfriend.
It all seemed semantic. I cared deeply for her. Knowing I was going to lose her hurt me. I thought about time and what we would have left. Should I do something for her, maybe make time after I got out of the military and before college? What about Emily? I had said I loved her and maybe we would start a relationship. It seemed silly now.
If I wasn't there would anyone be there for Ms. Laura? I didn't know much about her family to be honest. I started this week thinking Emily was her niece. I didn't even know if she had any nieces or nephews. Was she alone beside Emily and me? I felt a tear well up in my eye. I had to live in the moment I guessed. Be there for her when she needed it. There was no point in fretting.