Axel Graves was pretty much your average high school jock, He was taller than most, definitely more muscular, but still very lean. (Thanks to playing baseball since he was old enough to swing a bat.) He had grown into his near perfect facial features, with a jawline that was so well defined you could find it in the dictionary, and a piercingly dark set of hunter's eyes to rest above it. His father, who was of Creole descent, opened up the now second largest veterinary practice in his County. His mother, on the other hand, was one of the most successful Defense lawyers in the Southern United states, No small feat for a black woman born into the Bible Belt. Needless to say, Axel had always put a great deal of pressure on himself to be successful.
Perhaps that was why he hadn't told his parents, or anyone else for that matter, that he was gay. (Though he was pretty certain his mom and dad would be as supportive on that aspect as they had been with every other part of his life.) In truth, it just felt like a black speck on that shining image he tried to maintain. Besides, Axel wasn't stupid, the world may have been changing, but sharing a locker room with a gay teammate may be enough of a burden for some to keep his baseball career from moving forward, and he was counting on that scholarship to get the hell out of the piss-ant town he was born into. So he kept his sexuality to himself, and only himself, even as he fell in love with his best friend as time went on.
Axel had met Clay on the first day of first grade, and they had been mostly inseparable since. He had always liked him for some reason, and always tried to play on the same team as him when they paired up the kids to play sports at school. They played often with another small group of friends back then, but it all changed when Clay's mom died some time later... A change that killed Axel to watch.
He could remember that day clearly, both of the boys were around 12 then, they had just finished a little league game, and, after celebrating the win at the local pizza place, Axel and his mom were giving Clay a ride home. His mom didn't show at the game, (which wasn't like her,) and she wasn't answering the phone, (also unlike her,) but it wasn't uncommon for the boys to visit each others houses often back then, so Ms. Graves simply offered him the ride home. They talked most of the way, as usual, Clay said goodbye, as usual, He walked up the stairs to the smaller trailer, as usual, and Axel and his mom waited for Clay to get inside before leaving, as usual... But what didn't go as usual, was the scream they both heard right as Ms. Graves was shifting the car into reverse. She abruptly stopped and threw it back into park before telling Axel to stay put as she got out of the car and walked up the stairs. Axel remembered feeling scared in that moment, and he remembered worrying for Clay, but what he remembered most of all, was the look of panic on his mother's face as she saw inside the trailer, right before she scrambled inside.
Axel may have been terrified, but he wasn't going to leave Clay in there with whatever had managed to scare his mom that badly, so he unbuckled his seatbelt and went inside after them... And almost wished he hadn't.
Clay's mom was on the ground, and his own mother was kneeling down over her, it looked like she was pushing on her chest, but he couldn't comprehend what was really happening at first. CPR was something you just saw in the movies... But one look at Clay and he knew this was no movie. Clay was sitting beside the women, his mouth was slightly hanging open and tears fell continuously from wide eyes. He appeared so still and so quiet, Axel was certain he wasn't even breathing. Though Axel was too young to realize that Clay was likely going into a state of shock, he still knew he couldn't leave his best friend like that, if for no other reason, so he didn't have to see him in such a state. So Axel walked towards Clay, placed his hands in his own, and pulled his friend into a standing position. He looked towards his own mom again and saw she was on the phone with someone, he assumed the paramedics, so he left her alone, and walked his friend back outside and down the steps to the overgrown lawn. Clay still had the same look on his face, with the same flow of tears. Axel couldn't take the silence anymore, so he spoke in the most calm voice he could manage at the time. (Which wasn't very calm if we are being completely honest, but who could blame the kid?)
"Clay? Hey, buddy, you ok? What's up man? Please talk to me, Clay." Axel received no answer, so he tried again, this time grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him just a bit, his panic and his voice rising as he went on.
"HEY! CLAAAAaaaayy! SAY SOMETHING MAN! CLAY!! FUCKING SAY SOMETH-"
"She's dead." He spoke so softly, that Axel almost didn't even hear it. But he knew he heard correctly when he watched his friend's eyes finally relax some, shifting from the wide open look that terrified Axel so, to a more droopy, saddened state. His body began shaking, and his head fell forward as the tears flowed faster than ever. Axel watched as his friend shattered into pieces before his very eyes, and he couldn't take it. So he did what anyone would do should they find someone they loved in that situation, He pulled him into a tight embrace, He laid Clay's head against his shoulder, He cradled him as best he could, He cried with him in the eerie silence of the night, and he told him he loved him.
When Axel said it, he had meant it. Clay needed to be reminded he was loved at that moment, but it was also the first time he had told him that. Nothing changed from it, Clay was far too preoccupied for that, but that was the exact moment Axel finally understood his feelings for Clay. He had loved him for a while, unfortunately, it took a terrible event to make him realize it, so he pushed it away, and kept comforting his friend until the paramedics arrived. Holding Clay like that? Well, it just seemed like the most important thing he could do for his friend at that moment. In truth, it was both the only thing, and everything he could've done.
As anyone could expect, Clay withdrew into himself after that. He didn't talk much at school, he didn't care to hangout much after, he dropped out of baseball, and his grades started slipping. One day, a few months after, Axel happened across Clay and two of the other boys they used to play with before everything happened, Though it didn't look friendly. As Axel listened in, he was horrified at what he heard. The boys were taunting Clay because he didn't want to hang out anymore, one even brought up his mom, right before reaching out and pushing Clay... Axel wasn't sure what possessed him to do so, but he was suspended from school for three days, and the playoffs game scheduled for that weekend after breaking that boy's nose. A price more than worth paying in his opinion. The group of friends he grew up with stopped talking to him, many even quit the team, but Clay started opening back up to him, and him alone, so again, it seemed well worth it. Clay and Axel had been best friends since. But that friendship wasn't all Axel had desired from Clay, and if he had to wait for Clay to come to him, he would... but it didn't mean he couldn't satisfy his cravings in the mean time.
It was the Spring Break of Senior year, and Axel told his parents he'd be staying with a friend for the last weekend of it. They didn't ask too many questions and assumed he was telling the truth, after all, they had no reason not to believe him. What Axel had really done, was packed up a few changes of clothes and a shower bag into the trunk of his car, filled the tank up with the extra cash he had been saving up for a few weeks, and made himself a two hour drive. He found a cheap enough hotel when he was near, dropped his stuff off, showered, and prepared for his first night out in a gay bar. Axel Graves was on a personal mission that night, he was going to find out exactly what it was that he had been longing after for so long. Even if he had to make that jump alone. Needless to say, he did, and a short while later, he unknowingly walked into the same bar Clay was dancing at.
