"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession."
"Yes, my child."
"Father, may I depart from the usual ritual? It's me. Sister Helga."
"Of course. Would you prefer to confess face-to-face?"
"No! I mean, what I have to tell you is . . . Well, it's quite unusual. I'm not sure I could look you in the eye while doing it."
"Just relax and tell me about it, Helga. I'm here to bring absolution, not judgment. Just tell me how you have sinned."
"That's just it, Father. I'm not sure what I've done wrong."
"I don't understand. Tell me what's troubling you."
There was an awkward silence as Sister Helga sought the right words to say.
"Father, am I a good person?"
"Of course you are."
"Do I not live by the Beatitudes and the Golden Rule?"
"Yes, of course."
"Am I not obedient? I try very hard to be obedient."
"I've never known anyone of such unquestioning obedience. You are an example to all the other members of the convent."
"Then why am I being punished?"
Father Murphy hesitated.
"Why do you think you're being punished?"
Sister Helga breathed a sigh of despair. "Ever since I reached puberty, people have behaved strangely around me. Like I was different from other girls."
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, most boys would get anxious around me, and those who actually had the courage to talk to me would suggest the most shameful things! And most of the other girls wouldn't talk to me. They would behave like I was a threat to them—even though I just wanted to be their friend."
"Why do you think people acted this way?"
"I think it was because . . . Well . . . ," Helga fell silent. She had never talked about this before.
"My breasts are very large," she said at last.
"Yes. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"And my waist is very small."
"Yes."
"And I have always had very athletic thighs and buttocks."
"Ohhh, yes."
"And I think . . . I know this is foolish. But sometimes I think God made me this way because of something I've done. That it's his way of telling me I'm a bad person."
"Nonsense!"
"But being this way makes it harder to be good. If you only knew the temptations that have been put to me! If you only knew how I've been tested!"
"Many women would consider such gifts a blessing."
"Bad women! Women who sin!"
"Certainly you can find ways to use your gifts for good. People listen to you. They trust you. Your natural beauty makes you a valuable messenger for God's word."
"Then why am I being punished?"
"I still don't understand why you feel that way."
Helga sighed again. "As you know, the convent—that is, the building itself—shares its east wall with St. Augustine's School for Wayward Girls."
"Yes."
"And it shares its west wall with the School for Troubled Boys."
"Yes."
"Yesterday, when I was in the convent—showering . . ."
"Yes?"
". . . I discovered . . ."
"Yes?"
". . . a hole—in the shower wall. When I look through it, I can see the janitor's closet in the boy's school."
"Really? A hole?"
"Yesterday, someone in that closet looked through that hole, and
saw me showering
! I didn't notice at first because of the design in the tile. But when I discovered it, I looked through, and I saw someone run away. He had been
looking
at me!"
"Oh, my poor child! I'll tell the custodian to have it repaired immediately."
"I feel so ashamed!"
"Now, Helga, you mustn't blame yourself. You know what teenage boys are like."
"Oh, it wasn't a student! That closet is always kept locked." Helga wiped away a tear. "I try so hard to be good. I thought this sort of thing would end when I joined the convent."
"My dear Helga, joining the convent doesn't change the nature of the world. I'll find out who's responsible."
"It couldn't have been a student. After it happened, I asked the janitor to show me the room, and he said he couldn't because he didn't have the key. That room isn't used anymore. It hasn't been for years."
"I promise I will handle this situation myself."
"The janitor said he'd worked here for twenty years, and he'd only ever been in the room once—and that time,
you
had to unlock the door for him."
The silence that followed was terribly, terribly awkward.
Helga didn't want to continue, but did.
"Only you have that key."
Father Murphy still said nothing.
"WHY WERE YOU SPYING ON ME?
" she cried. "I know what a good person you are, so I know you wouldn't do that sort of thing unless you thought I deserved it." Helga did her best to control her emotions. "Please, just tell me! Why am I being punished?"
She waited for a reply.
"Father?" she asked when the silence had become unbearable. "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"Two rosaries," blurted Father Murphy. "Pray two rosaries for forgiveness."