My husband and I drifted apart long before we got divorced. I know, that is no revelation. It's how divorce usually works. Neither of us harbored animosity towards the other. It was just over. We are career professionals so there were no kids to fight over. It was just time to call it what it was.
It's been a year since I've had sex and a little over 6 months since the divorce. I've been afraid of falling into another relationship and I just don't want a fat belly with a hairy cock in my face expecting enthusiastic head. Why don't men wash their assholes? They are so gross...I do miss having one though.
I was getting frustrated thinking about it. On one hand I wanted a cock twitching and spurting as my man found it almost impossible to control himself around me. On the other, men were gross and I wanted a man to listen and clean himself up and really just do as he's told because it's best for him. Time alone and, well, thinking about it as my marriage was ending, offered me plenty of self reflection for what I wanted. What I wanted was power and control over a man. A relationship that I was the architect of.
What was I going to do about it? Well I had to find a man I could basically own. How was I going to accomplish this? I needed to figure out where and how I could find such a man. And also one that I wanted.
First, I didn't need a man for money because I had a seven figure income and a healthy eight figures stashed away. I needed a man that was poor. That way he would need me to live and just be more inclined to be the person I wanted him to be.
Second, I was a healthy six foot 2 with very normal proportions and in good, strong shape physically. I didn't go to a gym but I ate appropriate meal portions and attended ju-jitsu three nights a week for a few years now. Physically I was confident. So I needed a small man that I was both taller and heavier than, add in my combat skills and I should be good. If things ever went sideways I wanted to know that I had a good chance of choking out a predator.
Sure, some of you are scoffing at the notion of woman beating a man when it's most important to accomplish such a feat. I think that with a 40 to 50 pound advantage and 3 nights a week of rolling that this Amazonian is just fine.
When I added up my Mr. Right equation I got: unemployed, diminutive, and easy to control. It makes me feel a bit like I'm looking for a loser but that's not true. I don't even want a fixer-upper because I don't want to fix the problems that I am purposely looking for.
It dawned on me eventually: my Mr. Right is a broken man and probably homeless. And that was how I started the habit of cruising around the homeless areas and driving by the parks they frequent. Before long I began to recognize the homeless people that I saw. That lead to me walking through the parks or around the blocks where they were camped.
This went on far too long and I decided I needed some help. There was a particularly tall, old slim black man with a ton of gray hair on his head and face that seemed to have the respect of everyone. I came up with a plan to hire him to help me.
He was crashed out on a park bench when I walked up. His hand and wrist were draped across his eyes to shield them from the afternoon sun that filtered through the gently waving leaves on the trees over head. I walked up to his face and completely blocked that sunlight. He blinked a few times, moved his hand from blocking his view and regarded me for a moment.
"Pretty white lady. Educated. Wealthy. You come to give Old Mo some money," he asked with a smile that was a few teeth short and slightly vicious. Not in the overt way but in the kids movie way where the shark smiles and you can't help but realize all they are doing is really showing you their teeth.
"Yes," I answered right away. "I need your help finding someone."
"What's their name, Lady," Old Mo grumbled as he slowly sat up. He gathered his blanket pillow onto his lap and offered for me to sit on his bench. I remained standing.
"I haven't met them yet," I answered smoothly.
Old Mo nodded. "I see. You want me to find a type of person and not ask too many questions. I have seen you around for a while now, White Lady. You are stalking. That sort of activity is expensive. Trafficking people is dangerous. Not something Pretty White Lady should be doing."
"Pphhhut! I'm not trafficking anyone! But ya I don't want questions so I figured $2500 up front and another $2500 when you find him. I will give you a one year prepaid smart phone to have as well so you can call me."
Old Mo reached into a dirty pocket and pulled out last year's iPhone and held it up. "They gave us these to track us so the aliens would know where to find us."
I looked at him and the blood drained from me. I guess I knew why this guy was homeless he was a little crazy.
"Damn, Pretty White Lady, I'm just fuckin whit you."
I exhaled, "Good."
"The aliens always know where I am cuz everyone need my help. Now, tell me what you are looking for," Old Mo asked me and waited for an answer. He had very much sized me up and formed an opinion on me. I had the certainty that this man didn't miss much.
I pulled out a manilla envelope and held it in my lap as I thought about what I was about to do. Was any of this wrong? Illegal? No, I think I was safe on a conscience level.
I made eye contact with Old Mo. "I am looking for a white male, early twenties probably. He must be short, like barely over five foot. He has to be just bone and muscle, no fat. And nobody sickly or abused." He stared at me for a moment and I elaborated. "The man I am looking for might get taken advantage of in the wrong camp."
"Mmmhmm. White Lady wants to make sure that advantage gets taken on her terms Your looking for a little white puppy then? Old Mo can find you one. 5k now and 5k if you choose to be his forever home. That's a 10k adoption and rehoming fee, White Lady."
My eyes were wide as Old Mo just fucking nailed it. Holy shit he was right. I wanted a puppy. I wanted a pet man. I'm not gonna lie, I kind of low-key loved Old Mo right then as he understood me. "Deal." I handed him the small envelope. It was full of iTunes money he could add to his phone to pay for whatever he wanted. Then I told him my phone number and watched him enter it under White Lady. "I will be by tomorrow with another $2500."
"Don't bother, White Lady. I don't want you fucking up my reputation. Venmo me at OlddMo at Gmail dot com but make sure you use two "d's". I'll take that envelope too." He grabbed the envelope with a speed that defied the age of the man I was talking to and started to lie down. His feet nearly pushed me off the bench so I stood up. I stared at him for a moment as I stood there but Old Moe didn't acknowledge me again so I walked away.
"Did I just lose $2500? Would I make it ten grand tomorrow? Yes. I would. It was worth it to me. I was done settling for life on the terms of what other people decided a life should be. I wanted my own.