I was in a mood. Normally, I am a pretty level headed guy with control of my temper but not tonight. I was taking it out on everyone and it was apparent.
Twice a year our church puts on a show. It can be dramatic, funny or even a musical but it is a good way for some of us to release our creative juices and for the rest to get away for an evening.
As we were working on this year’s Christmas show, things settled into our normal routine. I was directing the play as usual and the regular cast of actors was there to fill the roles. I cannot sing or dance and I am completely tone deaf. I am not sure that I can act in a role that has little direct relevance to my life experiences but I have great attention to detail and I try to be honest and fair in my opinions and decisions. This seems to be the ideal makings of a severely amateur production director so I am it.
Rachel came over to me, “Ross, is there some kind of problem? Is there something we should know about? The entire cast is upset.”
“No Rachel, it’s just some unrest at home. I tried not to bring it in here but I guess I failed. Sorry.”
I shouted out, “Sorry, everyone! I’m just not in it today. Let’s try again on Tuesday.” There was a bit of murmuring but the cast and crew picked up their hats and coats and straggled out. I just sat and watched, not wanting to move.
It was quiet in the Church basement as I sat on the stage at the far end of the hall. I startled as a hand came down and touched my shoulder. I was in my own little world and thought I was alone.
“Sorry to interrupt. I thought that you could use a friendly ear.” Rachel was standing beside me, offering a cup of bad but hot coffee. I accepted as she sat across from me at the kitchen table we were using for one of our sets.
“So tell me. Unburden yourself.”
I didn’t know where to start and Rachel and I only know each other from these plays and some other church functions. We really aren’t friends. “It’s personal Rachel. Just between Jan and me.”
“Oh, those kinds of problems. Ross, sometimes it helps to have a sympathetic ear.”
“I am not sure that you would be sympathetic. Jan thinks I am a pig. You are a woman. You will probably see her side.”
“This could be interesting. Come on, give me a try. I could surprise you.”
Something about Rachel and her attention brought it all out in me. Once it started, there was no containing it. My problem was one that continued to re-occur. Jan and I love each other and enjoy each other. Our love life is very good but sometimes our sex life isn’t. I don’t know if that makes sense but I think it is usual in this day and age.
Like most marriages, sex is mostly under the wife’s influence. We have sex when Jan is in the mood and in a way that she is in the mood to play. Usually this is pretty good and frequent enough for my needs as well but there are times when I like to be in control and have Jan react to my needs and desires. We have tried this some but she cannot let go and just enjoy. Everything still has to be within her control.
Rachel surprised me by telling me that she understood if from a different perspective. Brian, her husband, enjoyed sex with her but everything was so proper and correct. It was as if he was always asking her permission with each touch or act. She felt that if she told him to stop in mid copulation, he would just jump up and get dressed. While there was passion, there seemed to be no excitement, no real lust.
I told her that this is what Jan seems to want, to be able to tell me no at anytime and have me just stop. Most of the time, this is fine but occasionally, I need her to surrender to me and to that kind of excitement and lust that causes her to lose control.
At this point Rachel just let out a low moan, “Mmmmmmm!”
I looked at her in surprise. She shook her head and then said, “I can see it. You enjoy directing our plays because we in the cast are under your control. The control is mostly benevolent and what you do is help us to be better in our roles but you are in control. You enjoy it. You enjoy having us do as you say. I love participating in these little productions because I can be someone else. I no longer have to be the corporate executive, adoring wife and loving mother. I am released and I am under your control. I do what you tell me and I love that.”
“Rachel, perhaps, I am being dense but I don’t understand.”
“Ross, it’s simple. After every one of our rehearsals, I go home with damp panties. I just thought it was from playing someone else but now I realize it was from you telling me what to do in that role as well. I bet you try to become more directive at home and get really frustrated by Jan while we are doing these productions. I bet you leave here with an erection every night. Am I right?”
“Rachel we are in the church basement. This isn’t a proper subject.”
“Don’t avoid the question, Ross. Answer it and it will release you.”
“Okay, Rachel. You’re right. I go home on rehearsal nights with a hard-on and want to take advantage of my wife but the more I want to take her the less she wants it.”
“See Ross, we have quite a lot in common. Perhaps we can help each other with our mutual problem.” I thought about this and as I thought, there was a stirring in my loins.
Smiling at me with a wicked glint in her eye, Rachel took my hand and told me, “Treat me to your imagination. What do you want from Jan? Let me to do it for you.”