For Mike, who enjoyed every story I ever told him.
*****
Mike leaned back in his chair and stretched. He glanced at the clockβalmost 4:00 in the afternoon, and on a Friday. The office was nearly empty, everybody having gone home early to get a head start on the weekend. His performance review was coming up in about 10 minutes, with his bitch of a boss, Jane. He grimaced at the pile of work she had left for him a half hour ago, with just a curt instruction to be done before he left for the weekend. He sighed heavily and pulled the first file out to review her instructions and instantly groaned. Research and a memoβon a Friday, an hour before the weekend?
He grumbled under his breath, only the words "fucking bitch" audible. As if he had summoned her, she appeared right behind his shoulder. Startled, he dropped the file and stammered a greeting. Jane stood there with a neutral look on her face. She was not very tall, only about 5'2" to his 5'5". She was also very fat, with large legs and a big ass. Everybody in the office was afraid of her, knowing how ruthless she could be. Just last week she had cut the entire marketing department after they had displeased her with a subpar ad.
She smiled coolly at him. "Good afternoon, Michael. I see you've finally gotten around to the work I've assigned you. Come to my office, please. We're going to do your performance evaluation now."
Mike got up from his chair, still flustered by his boss's sudden appearance in his cubicle. Wiping sweaty palms on his jeans, he followed her to her office.
Jane's office was big, with large floor to ceiling windows facing the street, overlooking the city. It was the start of rush hour now, and he could see cars and people rushing by in their haste to get home.
"Please close the door and have a seat, Michael."
He looked over at Jane, who was sitting in her large executive chair behind her L-desk. She looked at him icy politeness until he sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs in front of her desk. There was silence as she shuffled papers on her desk and then stared directly at him. He met her gaze, and then looked down and away.
"Michael, you've been with our company now for a month. Today is your first performance review. I have to say, your references were excellent when we hired you. Many of your former employers had only good things to say about youβhard-working, dependable, honest. But after a month here, I have to wonder if they were talking about the same person we hired." He looked at her and then dropped his gaze as the silence dragged on. "Frankly, Michael, I'm not sure you're a good fit for our company." He snapped his head up and stared back at her in disbelief. He was being fired? On a Friday? A month into his job?
He heard himself start speaking, as if he were listening to another person. "Please. Jane. I really, really need this job. What can I do to improve? I can't lose this job now. I'll do anything. Really." The blubbering went on, and Jane let out a disgusted sigh, muttering under her breath, "I knew I should have let Human Resources handle this. What a mess."
"Michael, stop it. Stop whining. If you wanted this job so badly, you should have worked harder and been more disciplined. However, I am willing to work with you to help you keep your job. You are new to the company, so I think it's just a matter of training you to achieve the kind of work ethic we're looking for."