I hate to fly. I mean really, really hate to fly. Hated it even before 9/11. The terrorism thing doesn’t bother me. It’s the fact that up here far higher than man was ever meant to be, and that nagging feeling that we are pushing our luck by being here. Being in a window seat makes things even worse, although I love the extra room. Looking out the window and seeing how high I am makes me crazy. And then there is the inevitable turbulence. I try to trick myself, thinking of it as potholes in the sky. Doesn’t work.
All of this makes the fact that I’m on an airplane headed to Fort Wayne, Indiana even the more incredible.
We had been chatting on line for a while. I enjoy chatting on the internet when bored and not getting any. I was on an adult chat site one night when we struck up a conversation. He would get my body so excited. Internet chat turned into phone calls. I was so nervous the first time we spoke. Six months later, I was on a plane to meet him in person for the first time.
Would I recognize him at the airport? Photos are so deceiving. Would he recognize me? Would he be disappointed? Ever since I knew I was coming out here I have been on a strict diet and exercising like crazy. But I still feel like a fat cow. I should have gotten a haircut. At least I got a manicure.
The plane takes off neatly into the June afternoon sky. Heading west into the sun. Takeoffs and landings are the most dangerous time of the flight. God I hate flying.
***
We land without incident, and enter the slowest form of time known to man. The time between touchdown and actually leaving the plane. We taxi to the gate and come to a full and complete stop. Everyone immediately stands in the mad dash to hurry up and wait. I sit. Luggage bins popping open, bags flying, bashing tall men in the head. I sit. People standing around in the aisle, waiting for the plane door to open, leaning on the backs of seats and switching on cell phones. I sit, grateful for the wait. So unsure and fearful.
I look like your average 34-year old business woman returning home after a trip in my black slacks, lavender blouse, and 2-inch sensible-yet-funky heels. Coming home on a Friday night after meeting with new clients, perhaps home to my husband, two kids and perennially-missing hamster.
I try to psyche myself up, putting a positive spin on things and a smile on my face. I might throw up.
I step into the brightly lit cave of the airport, taking my bearings. The crowd of people meeting my flight has thinned out in my delay - there are only a few people left.
And there you are. I can’t possibly not recognize you. You are such an engineer, in your khakis and blue shirt. Must have come from the office. Standing to the side, scanning the passengers deplaning………..and you see me. And smile.
I am frozen. I know I look like a deer in the headlights, but I can’t help it. I am so scared. You are smiling at me and I am still scared. Can’t I run? Get back on the plane? I am rooted into the floor.
You come towards me, the smile disappearing from your face in concern. You take my hand without speaking and lead me away from the crowd to an empty corner of the large room.
You turn to me, still holding my hand. “Hi, Samantha”, you say, smiling. “You ok?”
I step forward into you, leaning my head on your chest, snaking my hands around your waist. Holding on and feeling you for the first time. You wrap your arms around me, holding me close. We stand there hugging in an empty corner of the terminal, not speaking.
I pull away from you finally, my hands lightly around your waist.
“I really hate flying,” I say, looking into your eyes.
“It’s ok, Sam. You’re here now.”
“I AM here, aren’t I? I need to warn you right now that I’m really, really nervous and can’t be held accountable for anything I may say or do in the next couple of hours.”
“That’s all right. Do you have luggage?” you ask.
Luggage. Reality. I can deal with luggage. “Hopefully, if they haven’t lost it” I joke.
You laugh softly.
“Don’t laugh, Dave – I’ve had it happen” I say. “And I should warn you also that I over-packed.”
“Is there anything else you want to warn me about before we go?” you ask playfully.
“No, but I’ll let you know as I think of things.”
“Fair enough.”
We set out to the luggage carousel, my big bag reclining unhappily on the belt. I point it out and you pull it off, not even commenting on how heavy it is.
“Did you eat dinner?” you ask.
“No, and I’m starving. I think I’d feel much better if I ate something.”
We make our way out of the airport and to your car, you leading the way and carrying my bag for me. Very gallant. A point in your favor. We arrive at your SUV (gas-hog, you!) and you put my suitcase in the back and slam the back with a bang. I turn to go to the passenger side, and you catch my hand, pulling me back.
“Sam” you say softly, looking into my eyes….“Come here.”
I come to you as you pull me into you and my arms wrap around your waist again. Here in the relative privacy of the dark parking lot we hold each other, my hands flat against your back. You hold me close, stroking my hair.
“Sam, I know you’re scared, aren’t you?” I nod my head against your solid chest….“You have to know that I would never hurt you Sam. I’m so glad you’re here. You’re so beautiful, so much prettier than your picture. And I can’t wait to start our visit together.”