This story is for My Master C. He gave me the premise and set a few ground rules, one being that it was to be at least 8000 words. Though some of this is fiction, there is more truth than fiction in this. This is the longest story I've written and only the second I've published. Feedback is always appreciated :)
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August 15
So I've decided to write a journal of my thoughts and feelings, along with other random things going on in my life, as recommended by cousin Erin. She says that if I get the thoughts and feelings out, I'll feel better about what is going on. Personally, I don't think it will help because I've tried it before, but she's the one doing psych so I'll try again. If for no other reason than it will show her she's wrong.
So to start kids went off to first day of school. That's both a good and a bad thing. Good because they are gone for almost 8 hours! Bad because they are starting to get old. Which means I'm starting to get old. Yeah, don't need that reminder.
But I did have some excitement today. As I walked kids out the door, I saw the new next door neighbor. He pulled up with the moving van, driving a red pickup truck. All I can say is DAMN! He's got that just woke up black hair, hazel eyes and a very fit body. He looked over at me when he got out and smiled. That almost made me melt into a puddle. But instead of saying anything, I dropped my gaze and walked back inside. And that's my problem: my anxiety around others. I'm 5'6" and size 22 (hoping to get smaller). While I love my curves, I'm always conscious of how I look to others. I don't always care, but I know guys prefer the skinny models. Hell, hot neighbor probably has a model as a girlfriend.
Anyway, I got back inside, had a quick shower, dressed in my room and went to work. Kids came home around 3:30, Jake around 4 and I logged out at 4:30. I helped with dinner, sat down and ate as normal then made sure showers were done. Sometimes I still can't believe I have to yell at Mark to take his shower. Boy's 13 now. He shouldn't need to be reminded. After I got Tony to bed, I met Jake in our room where he was watching TV. I pulled up my newest book and ignored the TV. Ten o'clock came and Jake turned the TV off and it was time for bed.
I guess my problem is that I'm so tired of doing the same stuff every day. My whole excitement comes from my books or stories I read on Literotica. I've always had a kinky side and would LOVE to explore it more. Specifically being submissive. The idea of someone telling me what to do and when to do it is so arousing. Also the idea of nonconsent turns me on. Well, more specifically being in safe environment where pushed to do something that I don't completely want to do. Like being forced to take a dick completely down my throat and then being fucked for hours while tied down...
OK going completely off track. I've brought ideas up to Jake and he isn't interested except for spanking and occasionally twisting my nipples. But the second I say it hurts, he pulls back. While I'm grateful he does that, I'd also like him to push me. But that's not going to happen. So Erin came up with the journal idea so I can write things down and get out my "feelings". Again, doubt it will work but willing to try. So I'll write again later.
August 19
Yeah, there's no way I'm going to write in this every day. Sorry, but schedule is busy and I still don't agree with this. But here's an update.
Hot neighbor still next door and hot. Still haven't gotten up the nerve to say hi, but have done a little better than Wednesday and smiled at him while getting the mail earlier. Also think I looked better today, since I was wearing my purple tank top and jean shorts. I think the top makes me look sexy. It tends to dip down and shows off a bit of cleavage.
Jake went to Quincy tonight to watch a movie with Joe. It gave me a chance to write some more. I just really wish these stories would come easier to me. Some parts go by so quickly, or I know how I want it to end but I can't get there. My head just doesn't want to concentrate. It bugs the heck out of me. Maybe I should try writing something different? Manda keeps laughing at my reading fairy tales. Maybe it's because she's my sister, but it's starting to annoy me that she laughs at my choices. I really need something different, but no one seems to understand it. I know I'd really get criticised for writing what I really want: no romance, just fucking. Why do stories have to have a happy ending? Or romantic ending?
August 22
So I've apparently been flashing hot neighbor guy for the past week.
I got the kids off to school and took my shower. When I got out, I walked across my house wrapped in my towel like normal and started to get dressed in my room. I happened to turn around as I was pulling my thong up and out the window I saw hot neighbor guy staring at me in his yard. I saw his eyes wander up and down my body before I finally snapped out of it and ran across the room. Of course, I forgot to grab my clothes so I had to crawl under the window to get to them. But I saw he wasn't outside anymore. I still went back to the other side and got dressed. After calming down I had just enough time to clock into work.
Later on, Jake came home and said he met the new neighbor and his name is Ciaran. He's from Ireland and moved here for his job. Jake said they started talking about gaming and invited Ciaran over for dinner on Saturday since the kids will be gone for the night.
As I've been writing this, I realized he stared at me. He didn't turn away from the window or act like he didn't notice. He stared straight at me. Maybe I shouldn't be as embarrassed as I feel. Either way, I'm not putting the blinds down. It's kind of exciting thinking he can look in at any time.
August 25
This may be a bit long, so bare with me. But I had a very interesting time with Ciaran tonight. I fixed Pierogies and Kielbasa for dinner, knowing that making something from scratch would keep my mind occupied and make it easier to stay calm. While I haven't seen him over the past few days, I swear I could feel his eyes on me.
At six, dinner was fixed and Ciaran came over. He seemed to enjoy the dinner and was a lot of fun to talk to. While we talked, Jake mentioned my nickname Kitten that I got from my cousin. Of course this embarrassed me, as no one really calls me that anymore but Ciaran smiled and said that it seemed to fit me. Jake laughed and said it really did, as I can have very sharp claws. Ciaran smiled, but didn't seem to agree with Jake's assessment of my nickname.