This alternative ending for 'Marrying Into Femdom Culture' picks up from page 6 of 'Marrying Into Femdom Culture, Ch. 8'. For the readers who felt that the original ending betrayed the more loving tone of the prior chapters, who felt Lee's acceptance of his collar was illogical, or who were triggered by Astrid drugging and raping him, here is another way things might have played out:
*************Reproduced from Ch 8**************************
"I'm sorry." I turned and walked out.
"Leeeeeeee! Leeeeeeeeeee!" She called after me. I looked back over my shoulder and saw her father holding her back, as she sobbed and screamed with psychic pain.
I got in the back seat. I wasn't sure if that was rude to Astrid, but I didn't much care. As soon as I got in the car, I felt sick to my stomach, and my tears started to fall. My thoughts were all over the place: 'I'm fucking up the best thing in my life. What am I doing?!' 'I can't go back there. I had to get out. I was losing myself.' 'Maybe I should call this off and go back.' 'Yeah, so you're ready to be a collared bitch for the rest of your life?' 'It had to be done, best to make a clean break now, give it some time, and re-evaluate back home.' 'But what about her ultimatum? What if you can't come back from this?' 'If she won't break that fucked up ultimatum for you, then she doesn't love you.'
*********************************************************************
Two hours later, I looked down at the shrinking island of Algoria from the window seat as the airplane rose high into a clear blue sky.
I wondered if I would ever return.
The conflicting voices inside my head debated the same questions over and over. Was I wrong to leave? Did Vik really love me? Was it over? Their bickering led nowhere, and slowly they faded into the background. I felt numb more than anything.
When I got home, I had no energy to unpack. I left my bag just inside the front door, walked directly to my bedroom, and collapsed face first on the mattress. It smelled of Vik. Fuck.
I checked my phone for the hundredth time since my plane landed. No new texts, no missed calls. Viktoria was a hard woman, I knew that. She didn't make idle threats. She detested people who didn't mean what they said.
I still hoped that she wouldn't follow through with her ultimatum to end our relationship if I left the island uncollared. But I knew that, even if it was possible, it wouldn't be done easily.
I thought about trying to contact her myself, but I couldn't think of anything to say. "Hey Vik, sorry about fleeing your country and leaving you crying on your parents' kitchen floor. No, I still don't want to be collared... how's the weather there?" No, the ball was clearly in her court. All I could do was wait and hope.
I managed to gather the energy to brush my teeth, more out of a desire for normalcy than any practical concern for dental hygiene. I hadn't eaten all day, but I had no appetite. The gnawing of my empty stomach seemed appropriate for my emotional state.
I got in bed and sent a hand down between my legs. Touching myself had always been a reliable self-soothing method, a relatively sure-fire source for a jolt of good feelings whenever good feelings became scarce. No cage, no numbing goop, I had free rein.
I managed to coax myself to a decent erection - biology is biology. But there was no pleasure in it. My own thoughts mocked me. 'Oooh is this what you wanted? Is this what you gave her up for? Go ahead wanker, enjoy yourself!' After a few minutes, I gave up and turned over in bed, hoping to pass out for a long time.
I had always thought that 'crying yourself to sleep' was an expression, not literal, but figurative, like 'pulling someone's leg' when there's no lower extremity contact involved. But it turned out to be a real thing. I laid in the pitch black of my bedroom, still in shock that things could've gone from so good to so bad, and quietly sobbed until I lost consciousness.
**************************
My eyes opened suddenly. I thought I heard something.
*Bang bang bang* There it was again. Three knocks on the front door. Did UPS even deliver things this early? I closed my eyes again in exhaustion and hoped they would just leave the package or whatever and move on.
*Bang bang bang* Persistent, but controlled. Still pausing for a spell after each three-knock series. Maybe it was a neighbor. Maybe someone needed help.
I sat up in bed and looked around for some pants. *Bang bang bang* "One minute!" I called out irritably.
I looked through the peephole and stopped breathing. It looked for all the world like Vik was standing outside my apartment.
She looked amazing as always, dressed formally in a dark power suit with matching buttoned jacket and skirt like she often wore for work. Nothing like the emotional wreck I'd last seen screaming my name. Nothing like someone who had just finished a red-eye flight. She looked up at the peephole, might've seen it go dark when I put my eye to it, but she said nothing.
I pulled my face back from the door and remembered to start breathing again. For a moment, I wasn't sure whether to open the door or not. Then I cursed myself for being childish or cowardly or something. I opened the door.
Options assailed my mind. 'Hi Vik,' 'Hello Viktoria,' 'Hey,' 'What do you want?' Nothing seemed fitting. From the animal part of my brain, I felt a strong desire to take her in my arms and an almost equally strong desire to drop on my knees and beg her forgiveness. But my higher functions prevailed, barely.
So I stood there with a strained expression on my face, half way between a forced smile and a look of panic, like an Alzheimer's patient trying to figure out the situation and play along like they understood.
"Hello Lee." She said it softly and slowly, like she didn't want to scare me. I could see her better now without the door in the way. She'd done her makeup expertly as usual, but her eyes were still puffy and slightly bloodshot. That made me feel better.
"What... what are you doing here?"
"I want to speak with you, face to face."
After a silence and noticing that I hadn't moved back from the door, she hastened to add, "Not here, of course. Martin's is open. Let me buy you a latte." Martin's was our favorite coffee shop just down the block.
Another silence. Was she here to apologize? Was she here to scold? "I'll just get my coat..." I managed. I left the front door open in an awkward compromise between inviting her in and closing the door in her face.
We said nothing as we walked down the street. Strategizing maybe or just trying not to say anything one might regret before all the cards were on the table. I desperately wanted her back, but I knew I couldn't just say what she wanted to hear - that I'd go back to Algoria to take her collar and live happily ever after. Hopefully she would accept something less than that.
We sat while our drinks were prepared. She was studying me with that intensity of hers. To some extent, I felt honored to be deemed a problem worthy of so much concentration, but at the same time it put me on guard. Viktoria could be a formidable adversary. And she had my heart.
Finally the drinks arrived. They went untouched, but now satisfied that we weren't likely to be soon interrupted, Viktoria began.
"I want to first apologize to you, Lee. It was an impossible task I gave you. You met every challenge I put to you, exceeded my every expectation, and I just kept asking for more."
A bitter smile crossed her face. "You submitted so well. I just...I got greedy. I thought I could just keep demanding more. I never thought you'd leave..."
She swallowed her saliva here, like the memory of my departure was enough to tighten her throat. It felt vindicating to hear that she didn't think I had it in me to stand up for myself and get out of there.
"But I'm...I'm glad you left. I needed to be checked. I threw everything I could at you, as fast as I could, and I neglected my responsibility as a dominant to assess your limits and tend to your needs. I'm truly sorry." She paused to see how I was taking her apology. When I said nothing, she continued.
"When you come back, I promise that things will be different. I'll-"
"I'm not going back." I said it with a finality that I didn't feel. But fuck her for just assuming I'd go back.
But as soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I regretted not putting them more gently. Vik looked like someone just told her that her dog died and punched her in the stomach at the same time. She kept her eyes locked with mine, so I was able to see them fill with tears. Her mouth dropped open, and it looked like she might be having trouble breathing.
Some onlookers at the other tables in the cafe were giving me dirty looks. Typical man making a woman cry. If only they knew.
I wanted to comfort her, but again I couldn't think of anything to say that was both comforting and true.
Viktoria got ahold of herself quickly, admirably so. The tears fell down her cheeks silently, but she didn't break down. She was a strong woman, beautiful in her suffering. Just who she was.
When she spoke again, the words ground out of her throat with effort. "Why did you leave?"
I much preferred being a spectator to being a combatant in this episode. I had no grand manifesto to lay out as to what I wanted and why specifically I had left. I tried my best. And once I started to speak, the words poured out of me.
"I mean, it was a lot of things. You pushed my boundaries again and again and again. I'm not sure exactly what finally pushed me over the edge...maybe it was when you held my head underwater, maybe it was when you kept going and forced me to cum after I told you to stop, after I said it was rape, maybe it was when you pissed on me, but at some point I got scared. I got worried. I was worried that you didn't love me."
"You know I love you!" she spat back, a reflex, like she couldn't tolerate anyone daring to question her love. "I'm here, aren't I?"
I paused and waited. I wasn't going to argue with her. I waited while she reined herself in. Her expression softened, then she waited patiently, so I continued.
