If I said Maria was imaginative it would not be doing her creativity justice.
She was a spanko. A complete pain slut of epic proportions who spent her day concocting new and novel ways of getting and dishing out corporal punishment.
You may remember her from the news a few years back: she was the lady who petitioned our council to issue parking fines in spankings. Monetary penalties disproportionately penalise the poor, and do not dissuade the affluent, she argued, and that weekly public shows of transgressors lining up to receive their hundred spanks as punishment for their parking indiscretions would be a far greater deterrent. I remember the headlines as the wacky story was printed in dozens of newspapers with incredulous editorials slamming and praising her thinking in equal measure.
If that caused her infamy, her petitions to get MPs spanked for bad behaviour and bankers thrashed for causing a financial crisis were vocally supported by a minority and got her a handful of media appearances: they expected a rebellious left-winger, but all they got was a pervert who liked to see naughty men and women receive the thrashings their errant behaviour deserved.
Which brings me to last Thursday: an invite to the home of Lady Maria Jacobsen was not an uncommon occurrence, and my wife and I knew that it would involve plenty of sore bottoms by the end of the evening. She lived for her BDSM, although any innocent viewing the invitation would not suggest that there was anything untoward with the evening:
"Lady and Lord Jacobsen respectfully request the company of Mr and Mrs John Stones for an evening of fine dining, followed by live entertainment and board games, including Monopoly, Ludo and Scrabble and finished with fine Scottish whisky."
To the initiated that is a respectful dinner party at an upper-middle class house with a music band and games. It isn't.
At all.
There were clues on the invitation: the silhouette of a Victorian woman, holding a cane on the front was subtle, the black and white decorations of errant nymphs around the border were less so. But the small print: "Attire for men: Shirt, tie, blazer, shoes and socks only. Attire for women: Fancy, but nothing between the navel and the thighs" was blatant.
We would be going to get spanked, and dish out some thrashings, and it made my insides tingle. Maria was extravagant and the opulent dΓ©cor of the 17th Century manor house made an ideal setting for her BDSM gatherings.
As usual, she refused any contribution towards hosting the event: the black-haired middle-aged lady wore a translucent top that showed everything with matching black stockings. She oozed with class and allure and she non-subtly squeezed my bottom as she embraced me.
"I hope you don't mind if I give this bottom special attention tonight?" She asked my wife with a broad grin; they were old friends from University. "Oh, and payment for tonight ..." She said to us, pointing towards an open petition on the table. "... every guest must sign it!"
"We the undersigned believe that every Lady must attend every debate in the House of Lords, or receive fifty spanks from their wives, husbands (or Government-appointed Sadist-in-Chief) for every missed session."
She giggled. "Yep, there's a personal interest here!"
This was Lady Jacobsen to a tee; she would present this petition to the Government and demand her provisions were enacted. She would fail, of course, but the passionate thrust of her argument would not be lost on anyone, and as any charity who had banked thousands of pounds from her Sponsored Spanking events her lust for mixing masochism with improving society would testify, it wasn't all gesture politics and crazy headlines.
Dinner was fantastic, and came with an undercurrent of the evening's theme. Over fifty of us tucked into a starter served on a wooden paddle (they were put to good use as we waited for the main course) and a lovely spread of tenderised beef with two vegetables.
Lady Maria like to ensure that her guests were well fed but not stuffed, and her desserts were always served as the main activities drew to a close later into the evening with the alcohol. She never liked her guests to have drunk much, if any, booze before the paddling as she claimed it dulled the senses and decision-making.
"I want a game of Monopoly with you two," she demanded as the hired entertainment, demonstrations of rope bondage and domination, set themselves up in the main hall. "I have a great modification."
Now, I hope dear readers, that you will appreciate that any adaptation made to the well understood rules of Monopoly by Maria would not be family friendly and would likely involve one, some or all the players with blistered buttocks at the end of the evening. I agreed in a heartbeat, as she demanded the same from some of her other close friends.
My wife giggled at her friend's exuberance, bouncing from person to person with unrestrained glee. Her happiness was contagious, but it was not just her bright personality worthy of admiration. The curve of her breasts as she walked, the hairless pussy and the long legs were a feast to my eyes and a tonic for my erection.
"She's too rich for you," my wife murmured. "And way too scary. It would be exhausting."
"I know. But I'm older now. One week would be heaven," I whispered under my breath: it was a long-standing joke we shared: Maria and I dated for one night and after being dragged half-naked around campus, we screwed for an hour on the Chancellor's Lawn and was arrested. We didn't have a second because she called the first date "tame" and I called it "exhausting."
If compatibility between us was an issue as lovers, it brought us closer as friends and occasional spanking partners, hence how I was bottomless on a bar stool facing Maria as she laid out a specially commissioned Monopoly set.
We had miniature canes, paddles, blindfolds, hands and ropes as the pieces.
We had a "dungeon" instead of jail.
We had BDSM equipment instead of properties.
We had sex shops instead of the stations and online retailers instead of the utilities.
But most of all, we had no money and just a spanking bench behind the banker, a hired dominatrix.
Maria was proud of her creation, smiling at us as my wife put the "blindfold" metal piece on the Start. It certainly had her creative touches throughout, as she rubbed the back of my hand. The rules were simple; when my wife rolled the dice and threw a three, she opted to buy the Whitechapel Road equivalent β "Wax Play Candle" β from the banker for a cost of 12 spanks.
That's 12 spanks that I had to pay: my wife rolled the dice, I got the reddened rear, feeling self-conscious as four couples, Maria and the dominatrix watched as I walked to put my the flat of my hands on the soft bench. My heart pounded as my wife rolled the die again to select the instrument that the leather-clad dominatrix would use.