My relationship with Margaret was not solely about sex although it had assumed a most important role particularly, I think, for Margaret. The more I gave myself to her, the closer we became. We did all kinds of things together as we had before she had accepted my submission. We enjoyed making the flat our space and exploring books and films together. We spent weekends walking ourselves into exhaustion through the countryside or with her watching me play rugby.
The nature of our relationship was always there, a positive force. She knew she had total control and she loved it. So did I. Our relationship was ours to cherish and not to expose to the world's curious gaze or derision.
She liked the fact that I worked and, despite occasional arguments about my hours (shift work can be a real bind), and the pressure of working with Sister Bennet my life outwardly continued as before.
But my life had changed beyond all recognition.
*
Sister Bennet asked her staff to join her to celebrate her 44th birthday which coincided with 25 years in the profession. We were all surprised by this. She was not the most approachable of people as I may have indicated before and such an invitation was not typical. She arranged her celebration in the Nurses' home common room and a surprisingly large number of past and present colleagues attended. It was a Saturday and Margaret came with me, looking gorgeous in a long black dress. I had helped her to dress and knew every clasp, zip and clip.
She had arranged, sometime earlier, for us both to have piercings. I hadn't fancied this at all but she called me a wimp and took me to a specialist. A ring in my scrotum had frightened the life out of me but she (and the lady who did it) were dismissive. I was so scared it must have been micro-surgery; nearly everything tried to hide! Margaret's ring in her labia was lovely and she showed no fear when it was installed. Now we were sometimes joined by a chain between us β sometimes to her labia, sometimes to her wrist. She often wore the chain wrapped around her wrist or around her neck, as it was this night, as a sign for me alone.
Sister Bennet came to talk to us. I introduced them and stood by proudly as she talked to Margaret. They talked for a long time and I wandered off to talk to some colleagues. By about 11 I was sitting talking to Julia, a staff nurse with whom I worked closely, and I was, to be honest, slightly the worse for red wine. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to look up at Sister Bennet standing beside Margaret. I stood and moved to stand beside Margaret.
"Do you think we should go now?"
"Yes, sure." I said my goodbyes to Sister Bennet and to Julia and followed Margaret to the door. I heard Sister Bennet say to Margaret, "You should be harsher, he needs it." I heard Margaret's gentle laugh.
"You can't drive can you?" She was amused rather than angry and opened the door for me. I got in, slightly confused, and she got in the driver's side and adjusted the seat.
"Alice knows."
"Alice?"
"Alice Bennet."
"What? What the hell did you tell her?"