Editor's note: this work contains scenes of fictional rough, reluctant, dubiously consensual, consensually non-consensual (CNC), or non-consensual sex or scenarios.
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Our game would have been worth playing for the sheer thrill of it, but I thought it would heighten the experience for both of us to know there was a good chance I'd get pregnant that night. I bought an ovulation kit to test myself. Since I always bled at the full moon, it would only be a half-moon to light the way as I ran through the canyon. But that was better than no moon at all and it was the best night of the month to conceive.
I got ready hours before I'd drive out to the designated starting point. My outfit consisted of trail running shoes that covered the ankles to protect me a little from snakebites and sprains, thick leggings for warmth and Hollis liked the way my legs looked in them, a cropped running top, flannel-lined denim jacket, and a red scarf. As I arranged that over my collar it reminded me of a red rag to a bull, but instead of running in a crowd of nutcases through Pamplona, it would just be us two lunatics down in the desert canyons of Meggido.
Out of necessity, I had a small pack with water, sunscreen, and a hat just in case for some unfortunate reason I evaded my hunter and ended up in the desert the following day. I'd burn to a crisp, otherwise. "I'm 99 percent sure I can't lose ya, but stranger things have happened. People do get real turned around out there. I never been lost, but I've heard of people who were just goin' in circles for days. I will find you," he'd said emphatically, "but just in case it takes longer, you should have a water bottle. Ya got a compass?"
"They just confuse me. I don't know if that would help, to be honest. I'm dumb."
"Nah, ya ain't. You can do things I can't do," he said, generously. Hollis may be many things, but insecure isn't one of them. Just being him is enough and he knows it--he doesn't have to act like a know-it-all. "I don't mean to scare you; I won't let ya get away from me."
I did smile at that: He didn't mean to scare me, just terrify me a bit before attacking me out in the dark empty canyon.
"I trust you. You know I do," I said and smiled at him.
"Yeah," he agreed and gave me that enigmatic straight-lipped smile that showed off his handsome features. "It's good that ya do, considering you chose me to be your baby daddy."
Was that how it happened? I didn't see it that way at all. Holly had told me that I was his and that I would do this for him because it was what he wanted. Still, I could have said no... right? When you've submitted as deeply as I had to him, it's hard to say for sure how much free will remains. In theory, I can tell him 'no.' In reality, I can't bring myself to deny him anything. But I did want this, too, I just didn't "choose" him the way he made it sound. If he wants to think that, I won't complicate the issue.
We'd planned that I wouldn't see him that day. Kind of like a traditional wedding, in a weird way, where the couple is kept apart until the ceremony. He was out doing whatever it is he does when he's not cooking. That's not a full-time job, but I know he does more than that for the family business. He's vague about it. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was having an affair. I can tell it's not that because he comes home dirty and not smelling at all female. He also demands sex right away like he's waited too long to be satiated. I think he's just a guy with secrets and I don't mind. I mean, I already knew he's a criminal with fingers in many pies, as they say.
There was one night I was troubled because it's different to not know where he is after dark. He got in after midnight and went right into the bathroom. I heard the shower running. Then, he called for me. He asked if we had more shower gel, but it was just an excuse to let me see the blood sluice from his body.
"Yours?" I asked.
"Uh-uh," he answered, studying my face.
I reached into the cabinet and handed him the new bottle. "Do those get incinerated?" I asked about the sickly-smelling, crusty clothes on the floor.
He shook his wet hair. "Nah, I'll get it, babe."
He just wanted me to see. I think he wanted me to know he wasn't cheating. It was sweet.
Yes, perhaps I did choose him to be my "baby daddy." He's daddy material, as they say. And the night had come when I'd put his daddy material to good use.
I drove out to a crossroads where there was a long-abandoned gas station. I wondered if it had suddenly closed for business when Hugo opened his place. I'd be able to park behind the building so my empty vehicle didn't attract the attention of any patrol cars. It would be like the "Meg-ville" cops to get bored enough to investigate an unfamiliar car on the roadside in the middle of nowhere.
I walked across the wasteland toward the horizon directly behind the station, as Holly had plotted out. He said I'd find a natural path down to a dry creek bed that led into a canyon he particularly liked. When I asked him why he said it was the part of Megiddo where he'd always felt most at home. It was narrow with lots of twists and turns, good for rock climbing and hiding out. I realized it was his childhood playground. When he got older, it was where he'd honed his talents.
He told me I'd be the first girl he brought there who'd come out alive. The place was too important to him to cheapen by sharing it with a living bitch.
"Will I find bones there?" I asked him.
"Maybe. Not whole skeletons--the flash floods and animals break those up. But if ya looked, you'd probably find a human bone or two."
