Nye watched the retreating back with wide eyes, unconsciously plucking at his sleeve. He felt... numb. Excitement, nervousness, eagerness, fear and, yes desire warred within him to the extent that, given his already fragile state, the net result was nothing, a deep empty numbness. He did pull himself up a little straighter in the seat, made an effort, despite the pain, to straighten his spine and he nervously ran his hands through his hair, wishing he had had opportunity to put on his usual cosmetic mask. Now, with his face naked he had nothing to hide behind.
The first moment he saw him, head and shoulders above everyone else, his blonde hair, longer than Nye remembered, catching the light from the two enormous circular windows which surmounted the door, he audibly gasped.
"Your drinks."
Nye jumped guiltily and looked up into Jon's face. The hand that took the glasses from the tray was visibly shaking.
"A friend?"
"Yes, I... um..." He swallowed a mouthful of brandy. "I haven't seen him for a while." Did he imagine a slight tightening of Jon's lips even though his face remained impassive?
"Enjoy your afternoon. Adam will be busy until at least three." Nye's eyes widened and Jon smiled, taking the mainly untouched plate from the table in front of him. He gulped down more brandy to cover his confusion. "Watch that brandy. It's a killer on an empty stomach."
With another friendly smile Jon whirled and was gone to be replaced moments later by someone very, very different.
"Hey dude. This place is like Fort Knox to get into. Are they keeping us out or you in? Whassa guy gotta do to get a drink around here?"
Nye stared as Kane slid into the seat opposite him. As he did so their knees touched briefly and Nye jumped, immediately regretting it as it sent pain stabbing up through his stomach. Feeling nauseous for a number of reasons, only some of them physical he took a swig of his brandy and slid the whisky across the table to Kane.
Closing his eyes as he sipped Kane broke into a broad smile that made Nye shiver. He took another gulp and realised with surprise that his glass was empty.
"Do you want another drink?" Surprised that his voice was steady despite everything, he followed with a smile.
"Woah. Hold on there buddy. I only just started this one. A guy could get the impression that you were trying to get him drunk."
"Why would I do that?"
Kane laughed out loud and drained the glass. "Go on then. Never let it be said that I fell behind in drinking contest with you. Never have; never will."
The soft American accent was doing strange things to his libido and his equilibrium but he found himself relaxing despite himself, whether through Kane's easy friendly manner or the effects of the brandy or both.
"So it's a competition now is it?"
Kane laughed again. "If it had been midnight and not noon I would have taken ya up on it but I have a hot date tonight and I need to remain reasonably sober."
Nye's heart plummeted but he tried to stay nonchalant. "Hot date?"
"Yeah. I'm taking Vicky up The Eye."
Nye's eyes widened for a moment then he laughed out loud. Vicky was Kane's cousin; an all American cheerleader type from California, who Nye had a real soft spot for. His eyes turned wistful for a moment.
"Is she still with that football player, meat head, jock, bastard?"
Kane's smile faded. Nye thought it was because of his concern for Vicky, but that was only part of the reason. Although Nye didn't realise it Kane had been quick to note the wince, and the hand pressed against his belly, not to mention the dark shadows around his sunken, glassy eyes.
"Yeah. He's a bully. I swear he hits her and if I ever find out for sure I'm gonna knock his ugly jock head right off his shoulders."
"That's a bit harsh from a peace loving dude like you."
"Harsh isn't the word. Vicky's changed. It's as if he has crushed the life right out of her. I'm sure he's hitting her but she swears he isn't. He was none too pleased about her coming here at all. Thank god he couldn't come because if he had I think I would have hit him the minute I saw her." He frowned again and shook his head. "You should see her Nye."
"I'm sorry about that Kane. It's a real shame. She's a great girl."
"Yes, yes she is."
Nye turned away for a moment to call over one of the attendants who was clearing a table nearby. "Can we get some more drinks please? Could you tell Jon I'll revert to my usual? Thanks." When he turned back Kane was watching him with a strange expression on his face.
"You should come over. Vicky likes you. She keeps asking about you. She wanted to come this afternoon but Mom has her doing some shopping so I'm not likely to see them for hours."
"I... maybe. How long is she over here for?"
"I'm going back up North next Saturday. She's staying on a couple of days with Mom and then going home."
"I was wondering what you were still doing around here."
"Well... I've been away, to the States, and I made sure I handed in all my assignments before I went so all I'm needed there for are the actual exams." Nye nodded. "Lee says you haven't been going in either."
"Same situation. All the assignments are done and handed in."
"But you will be going back for the exams."
Nye bowed his head, picking at a thread in his cuff. He shrugged. "I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? You've worked bloody hard on this course. Why would you throw it all in at the last hurdle?"
"I... It's complicated."
Kane looked as if he was about to say something but he closed his mouth with a snap and leaned back crossing his arms in front of him.
"What's going on?"
Nye looked up sharply. "What do you mean?"
"I spoke to Mir."
Nye blushed turning his head away. Fuck! Did everyone know? "Mir should learn to keep her mouth shut... and not to go bursting into things that are private and none of her business."
"You are her business. You always have been. You can lie to me and bullshit me as much as you want Nye but I know you. I know you better than anyone, even Mir. You've turned away from your family and friends, you've dropped out of uni and thrown away the future you always dreamed of, you look like crap and you're obviously hurt. So... what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on." His voice was soft, so soft that Kane barely heard it. He leaned across the table and put his hand over Nye's. He noted how cold it was before Nye pulled away.
"Please Nye. Talk to me."
Nye looked up and was caught by the big blue eyes. He had never been able to look into those eyes and be anything but honest, feel anything but safe. Kane's face was so familiar, so open, so dear. It reminded him of a time in his life when everything had been so simple, when his future had seemed exciting and safe and assured. Kane reminded him what it was like to feel cherished, to feel safe.
"I..." He was interrupted by Jon who stood respectfully waiting with the tray of drinks. Nye looked up and the moment was broken.
"Your drinks, Sir."
"Thanks Jon." Nye smiled, leaning back and Kane, frowning did the same. Jon placed the drinks on the table and withdrew.
"Sir is it now?" There was a hint of a sneer in Kane's voice that irritated Nye.
"He's just being polite."
"Yeah... impressing the boss's..." He caught himself and looked down, taking his drink.
"Go on." There was an edge to Nye's voice, a hint of ice and Kane shook his head.
"No Kane. Finish what you were going to say... the Boss's what? Whore?" Both of them were surprised by the bitterness in his voice. Kane looked up, his eyes shocked, and shook his head.
"No. That is not what I was going to say. That is nowhere near what I was going to say. Why the hell would I say something like that? Is that what you feel?"
"No. No of course it isn't. Of course... I... I just..."
"Oh Nye. How did we get to this? Where did it all go wrong? We were going to be together forever, to take over the world, just the two of us. What happened?"
Nye shook his head, tears burning his eyes. "I don't know." The words were very soft and Kane very nearly went to take him in his arms. He could feel the pain in his friend and he wanted to make it better in any way he could. He loved him. He had always loved him. He would always love him. Somehow, somewhere along the way he had taken his eyes off the ball, taken Nye for granted and in that blink of an eye he had lost him, had let him slip away.
And now... Now he looked across the table at the only person he had ever really loved and saw a pale ghost of what he used to be. He was someone who was hurt and sad and fading away and it all but broke his heart.
"Is he good to you?"
"What?"
"Adam. Is he good to you?"
"I don't... It's not... You've no right..." He sighed and took a deep drink. "Yes. In his way he is."
"What do you mean? In his way? Is he good to you or not?" Kane's voice was harsher that he had intended, roughened by concern and fear for his friend.
"Yes. I said he was didn't I?" Nye snapped back draining his glass. The brandy was having an effect on him now and he felt light headed, slightly nauseous and very emotional. Everything that had happened to him was causing a maelstrom of conflicting emotion and setting it bubbling very close to the surface... and it was the last thing he wanted Kane to see.
"Okay. Keep your nuts in your trousers. I didn't mean to hit a nerve."
"You didn't. Don't be stupid." Nye shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "Yes Kane. Adam is good to me. He... he's different to anyone I ever met before and it's taken time to... to 'get' him. He's... strong and certain and confident and... different to us. All this..." he waved his hand to encompass The Club and both of them knew that he meant more than was on display around them. "It's taking some getting used to."
"Does he hurt you?"
"What?" He looked up and Kane was staring at him steadily. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, he wanted to beat on Kane's chest and scream in his face, he wanted to throw himself into his arms and feel safe again. He couldn't tear his eyes away; he couldn't move; he couldn't speak.
Kane leaned across the table again and put his hand over Nye's while never breaking eye contact. This time Nye did not pull away.
