Eros and Psyche: Submissive's Training
I thought that maybe I was just cursed to wander the Earth alone. I turned thirty-three a few weeks ago. My parents are Welsh and English, and I inherited their straight fair hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. I was small, about five-two, with an almost stereotypical English rose look, peaches and cream complexion and small features. I was an associate professor of Classics at a prestigious public university. I was gunning for tenure and I wanted to write books. People told me I was nice, sweet, polished, and of course, smart. I had almost everything going for me.
But. Friends say they were surprised that I hadn't found love. Never. My longest relationship was one year in college. And it wasn't that I couldn't get dates, I easily could, it was just that no one was ever quite right. I was too old to have never been in love, I thought, despairing. Maybe I was cursed.
With that last thought, I knew I needed to get out of my head and apartment. Thick loose sweater, professorial-looking herringbone pants, some boyish oxfords, and I head to a coffee shop.
The weather was so nice that day. The sun was finally shining, people, especially couples, were out and about. It was the kind of early spring day that makes it hard to stay pessimistic. When I think back, I'm pretty sure I was paying attention when I crossed the residential street, but I'm not sure. Anyway, out of nowhere comes this douche canoe Tesla, roaring inches from me. I startled and shrieked as it whizzed by, nearly clipping me. I swear it was less than a foot from me. Then it flipped a u-turn and parked across from me as I ran back across to the safety of the sidewalk.
"What the hell! Where did you come from? Are you okay? I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry..." A dude rushed out of the car and toward me. His face went from anger to anxious sadness.
Him. The then-anxious driver of the Tesla. When I looked up at him, I felt my world spin. The best I could describe it was that I felt like everything around me spun for a moment, and the world landed slightly off kilter. Something changed. I still don't know if it was the adrenaline, something about him, or both.
"I'm - I'm okay." I was pretty rattled, then relief washed over me. I nearly laughed. Maybe it was hysteria at such a close call.
"Would you like a hug? You look like you could use one. Or maybe I could use one. No pressure though." Maybe he was feeling hysterical too, because that suggestion was crazy but also felt right.
"Yeah. I was just about to get a coffee." He pulled me in and held me in a warm embrace. He smelled incredible, a sort of masculine scent that made me think of freshly cut wood with a faint hint of some sort of sweet spice. Close up, I thought his skin and eyes were even more beautiful. Hm. Clean cut Tesla drivers weren't at all my type. I wanted to snuggle into this one's arms. Now that was a crazy thought. This man nearly killed me, and I had just met him.
"Would it be alright if I bought that coffee for you? It's the least I could do."
"Yes. Do you need a coffee too?" I wanted to be near this dude. I wasn't sure why, as I acted on pure compulsion.
"After that experience, hell yeah. I'm Vivek, pronounced viv-ai-k." He held out a hand. His clothes were as sleek as his chiseled cheekbones and jawline were sharp.
"I'm Carys. It's Welsh. Pronounced ca-riss. It means love."
"It's beautiful. Vivek means wisdom. Wait for me here, I'll go park the stupid car that I'm afraid to drive and come get you. You were getting coffee nearby, yeah?" I internally agreed with him on the stupidity of his car.
"Yeah. Okay."
It wasn't the adrenaline. Coffee stretched into the type of conversation that has a lot of eye contact and laughter. You've probably already guessed that he was charming and erudite. He has to be. He was a techie who worked at a company that IPO'd, then he started his own company. This is tech-speak for: he has a small nest egg and has the confidence to speak to investors and manage people. And given all of that, I could already tell he was a very busy person who was preoccupied and almost obsessive about work. It also explained the car and the polished clothes, and the smooth nearly effortless way he turned a near-accident into something that was a near-date.
"Hey, Carys, I know this is a little weird, but would you be interested in going on a date?"
"I would," I smiled.
"Again, I'm sorry. But I don't regret meeting you. It feels like - I don't know."
I couldn't put my finger on it either, but I was happy.
Coffee led to a dinner date, which led to a hike, which led to more dinners and more and more time spent together. Finally, after about 6 dates over 6 weeks of hanging out, Vivek texted -
" Carys, I want to talk to you about something. Privately. Maybe dinner at my place? You can see my place ;-) "
Admittedly, I can be naive at times, but I knew exactly what he meant. " Sounds good :) When were you thinking? "
So I went to his place on a Sunday evening. It was lovely: one of those classic California midcentury houses, with beautiful wood-paneled walls and walls of glass with gorgeous views of the city across the bay and hills. It was as sleek and stylish as he was. He had cooked up a small feast: a snack of spicy roasted chickpeas, rice, palak paneer (a spicy spinach dish with cubes of mild cheese), and a spiced cauliflower dish.
What floored me about it was how much effort he must have put into planning the meal, buying the groceries, and cooking all this food. He made three dishes just for us.
I squealed, delighted. "It all looks and smells so delicious! You put so much work into this. Thank you so much!"
"I don't cook much these days, but my mom taught me because she wanted me to know a bit about my heritage. I'm glad you like it." he said, sounding uncharacteristically shy.
Like it? I loved it. It was all as delicious as it smelled. He was careful with the heat, but everything was perfectly spiced. The vegetables were just right, cooked through but not soggy.
After we ate, he served us some herbal masala chai - that's tea brewed with milk, sugar, and spices - and asked me if I wanted to cuddle on his sofa. When we got there, he spooned me from behind.
"You smell so good," I said. Even I noticed how breathy I sounded.
"Hmm, so do you." Then he tilted my face toward his face, and I turned toward him. He held my face, and came closer for a kiss. Our amazing, beautiful first kiss, actually. I pressed myself against him, tighter as it ended, wanting more.
"Carys, this is what I wanted to talk about," he murmured before kissing me again. "I have to tell you -" I could feel my cheeks turning pink, and I leaned in again. He kissed me again, this time reaching up and pinching my nipple. Any harder and I would have cried out. I was startled, but it also felt so good. "Carys -" We were both breathing pretty hard. "I want to, but we really should talk first." I turned around, so that I was facing him. I could see and feel his excitement. "You look so beautiful."
