Lost and Found

Kelli sat in her car for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts. It had been quite an eventful afternoon. She needed to think. Martha's questions ran over and over in her mind. "Can you submit willingly?" "Can you be a good little slave, like Robert?"

She had been in awe of Robert's submission and it had really turned her on. She wanted to be like that, only she was scared to let go of who she was. Scared she would get lost. Scared she would be judged and found lacking. Why did she feel so vulnerable?

She understood that it was all about trust. Unfortunately right now, that trust was in question. She needed to talk to Alex. She needed to hear the truth from him. How was she supposed to make a decision based on what she knew now?

She sighed heavily and got out of the car. As she walked up to the door it opened and her mother stood there with a worried look on her face.

"I wondered if you were coming in." Leila said.

"I was just thinking." Kelli said.

"How was your lunch date?"

"Very interesting."

"Did Martha mention? I mean, did you talk about me?" Her mother's voice was tight.

"Mom, you are the least of my worries right now."

"That's good, but, wait, what does that mean?"

"It means that you were young once, too. I'm not judging you because I can't. I have my own issues to deal with."

Leila looked relieved and then concerned, "Do you want to talk about anything?"

"Not right now. I just need time to think."

"Well alright, but I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks, mom." Kelli headed for the stairs and went to her room.

She locked the door and got undressed. Once she was naked, she imagined that Alex was there and that he had ordered her to "display". She got into position on her carpet, knees spread, and hands behind her back. She thought about what she had learned in her reading about submission and trust. Pleasing Alex meant everything to her. She wanted to be all things to him, but was that enough? Did he want her for her or was she a replacement for Angel? It had been three years since he had seen her and yet, according to Martha, theirs had been a very intense relationship.

She and Alex had a very intense relationship too. He was that guy. He touched her soul. Made her want to be more, do more. She realized that she was falling in love with him and that scared her too. She loved the way he took care of her, loved the way his eyes darkened when he was making love to her, and loved the sound of his voice as he controlled her actions. Yes, she loved being his submissive. She wanted more and he was offering more. Should she just ignore all her questions and insecurities and trust in him? She was ninety percent there, but there was that ten percent that was screaming "Warning! Proceed with caution!"

The next day she went shopping with her mother. Something she rarely did as Leila was flashy where Kelli tended to be conservative. Things were changing and she wanted to show Alex that she could be sexy and alluring. Leila was thrilled.

They started out with lingerie. Kelli bought some sexy bra and panty sets and a couple of teddy's that had her mother smiling. Next they went to one of Leila's favorite dress shops and the sales lady had Kelli trying on dresses for an hour. She chose three and Leila happily picked up the bill.

Having worked up an appetite, they stopped for lunch at a little bistro. Surrounded by shopping bags, they ordered wine with lunch and ate leisurely.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" Leila asked.

"Of course."

"Do you know about Martha and Robert?"

Leila choked on her wine, "What do you mean?"

"You do know that they are more than husband and wife right?"

"Well..."

"You said we could talk about anything, Leila."

At the sound of her given name Leila bucked up, "Yes I did and that's "mom" to you! Yes I am aware of the relationship between Martha and Robert. She is one of my dearest friends, you know."

"What do you think about it?" Kelli was very curious about her mother's reaction.

"I think everybody is entitled to live life the way that make them the happiest. Who am I to judge? I mean, I'm far from perfect. What do you think about it?"

Kelli played with the food that was left on her plate as she debated on how much to reveal to her mother, "I think it's fascinating."

"Do you? I would think someone as conservative as you would find it somewhat appalling."

"Well, maybe I'm no longer that conservative. Maybe I've opened my eyes a little more. I've spent this summer trying to figure out what was missing in my life. I found Alex or rather he found me."

"What are you saying? That you and Alex play...?" Leila's voice trailed off as she looked at her daughter with concern.

"Maybe, a little. Nothing like Martha and Robert, of course."

"Of course. Well, just be careful, I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know, mom. I'm working on that." Kelli swallowed the rest of her wine.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in various little shops buying jewelry, shoes and the like. When they got home it was close to dinner time. They both went upstairs to change. When they came down her father was waiting on them. Kelli had slipped on one of her new dresses. Her father raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." Leila said.

"Oh no, really?" Kelli cried.

"I'm afraid so, I have appointments that I need to keep. This visit has just been wonderful!"

"Yes it has been and I will miss you so very much." Kelli said with a tear in her eye.

"Don't you cry or I'll cry!"

"Well then we'll all cry," said Kelli's father, "Do you know how nice it is to see you two enjoying each other's company? Do you know how long I've waited for this? It's been great!"

Kelli and Leila nodded in agreement. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Then her father broke in with "So when is Alex coming back?"

Kelli's heart lurched at the thought, "A couple more days, Papa."

"Good and have you made a decision yet?"

"I, well, I need to talk to Alex first. I need to get some things straightened out, but it's looking pretty good."

"It sounds like you're really thinking this through. I'm glad of that." Her father said.

"Thanks Papa." Kelli excused herself.

Back upstairs Kelli checked her email for the first time in days. There was an offer of an interview from Mr. Athey. Some junk emails. Then an email that she didn't recognize. Normally she just deleted these, but for some reason she opened this one.

Kelli,

I know who you are. I know what you are. I know what you will never be.

There was no signature. She didn't know what to make of it. Was it a threat or was someone just messing with her? Should she reply or ignore? She should just ignore it. She really should. She wrote back:

Who is this?

She hit send. A few minutes later there was a reply:

A friend of a friend. You really should run back into the light, you aren't made for the dark.

What was this person talking about? Not made for the dark? The dark what? Kelli was getting a little annoyed with the cryptic messages. She wrote back:

How about you just say what you want to say? I'm sure you'll feel better

She waited, but there was no reply. Who could it be? She closed her blinds and turned on the lights in her room. Suddenly she didn't feel so safe. She wished Alex were home, she knew she was safe with him. Her phone rang and scared her half to death, she grabbed it on the second ring and answered it.

"Hello?"

A strange voice said, "Guess who got home tonight, but hasn't called you? I wonder why?"

"Who is this?" No answer. She checked the call back number but it was blocked. Were they talking about Alex? He wasn't due back yet, but what if he had come home early? Why wouldn't he call her? Should she call him?

She decided to wait and just drive by his house tomorrow. Meanwhile, she'd do some reading. She found it difficult to concentrate. Her mind kept going back to the email and the phone call. She didn't know who would want to mess with her. She really didn't know many people, but Alex did.

Eventually she drifted off into a troubled sleep. She dreamed she was standing naked on a stage. She was blinded by the lights, but she could hear people talking, discussing her as if she were a piece of meat. She tried to cover herself with her hands and suddenly found herself bound to a St. Andrews cross. She was blindfolded and hands were touching her. Squeezing, pinching, slapping. She felt fingers separate her labia and stroke inside her, to her shame she became wet. The fingers were withdrawn and the juices were smeared on her lips. She wanted to say her safe word, but she couldn't remember it. She felt scared. Hands gripped her breasts and squeezed hard. Something smacked her clit and there was a sudden burning sensation as it happened again. Someone was cropping her pussy! No one spoke directly to her, it was as if she were simply there for their pleasure. That was it! The missing piece of what she had to understand!

She jerked awake and tried to hold on to the dream, but it slipped away. Along with it slipped the missing piece. She knew she had figured something important out, but for the life of her she couldn't remember what had happened. She was being used by people and she'd had no say. She remembered that. How did she feel about it? She wasn't sure.

It was three o'clock in the morning, but she couldn't sleep anymore. She threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and crept downstairs. She couldn't help, but wonder if Alex was really home. It couldn't hurt to check. She'd just drive by his house and see if the truck was there and if it was there was certainly a logical explanation as to why he hadn't called her.

She got her keys and purse and quietly shut the front door. She asked herself what she was doing twice on the way over, but she didn't turn around. Was this considered stalking? She turned down his street and she could see from the street lights that his truck was indeed in his driveway. He was home. He hadn't called her. The stranger was right. What did it mean?

Maybe he had had second thoughts. Maybe he had changed his mind or met someone else. Don't be ridiculous! She told herself. Maybe he just got in late and was waiting until the morning to call. Should she tell him about the emails and the phone calls? Maybe not. It was enough that she was going to talk to him about Mistress Martha and Angel. She didn't need to throw in extra baggage. She would go home and wait for him to call.

She was completely lost in thought when there was a knock at her car window. She jumped and uttered a short scream before she realized the face looking back at her was Alex's. He looked amused and concerned. She wanted to hit the accelerator and drive away. Now, she felt foolish. She rolled the window down.

"Hi." She said sheepishly.

"Hi yourself. Do you know it's almost four a.m.?"

"Well, yes, that is, I couldn't sleep or I did sleep, but then I woke up so I thought I'd go for a drive and I ended up here." Kelli's mouth was dry with the lie.

"Oh really, so you do this often?"

"Do you really want to talk out here on the street? Why don't you go back to bed and you can call me when you get up?"

Alex sighed, "I am up. Now park your car and come inside."

He waited for her to park and then opened her door for her. He put his hand in the small of her back and almost pushed her up the walkway and into his house. His camping gear and backpack were by the front door.

"Your home early." She said.

"Yes, well, I had a lot on my mind and I just wanted to come home." He said. "I was planning on calling you later this morning."

"I see."

"Do you? That's funny because when you stand that way, with your arms crossed, it shows me that you're closed off. So what's going on? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Of course I am! I just, I guess I'm a little nervous and I wasn't expecting to see you." Kelli stumbled over her words.

"Good! How about I fix us some coffee and we can talk?"

Kelli thought about what she had learned and what she wanted. There was no time like the present. "How about I fix the coffee and you just relax?"

"Really? You know how to make coffee?"

"Of course, it's just that you've always done it."

"Alright then, go ahead!" Alex smiled for the first time.

Kelli busied herself in the kitchen. She had watched Alex make coffee dozens of times. She just did what he did and hoped for the best. It was a little strong, but not bad for her first time.

"Not bad." Alex remarked as he took his first sip. Kelli smiled at the praise. Alex sat in his recliner, so Kelli sat herself at his feet. Alex looked pleased.

"Looks like you've made a decision?" Alex asked.

"Not exactly. I have some questions. I'm not sure you're going to like answering them, though."

"Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide."

"Well, it seems that we have friends in common. At least you and my mom do."

"Okay, who would that be?"

"Martha and Robert Kiplinger" Kelli waited for his reaction.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, my mother took me to visit them the other day. Very interesting couple. Turns out I've known her since I was very young. She and my mom were best friends in college. They've stayed friends and she wanted to visit her while she was here."

"I know who they are. What is your question?"

"I know Martha is a Mistress and Robert is her slave." She paused and took a breath, "And I know about Angel."

Alex's eyes darkened, but he calmly said, "And what is it that you think you know?"

"I know that the two of you were very much in love. That yours was an intense relationship. I know about what happened at the club and that she left you. What I don't know is how I fit into all of this."

Alex's eyes were a stormy gray. She saw pain and anger in them and wondered if she had gone too far. However, once she started she couldn't stop, "I just want to make sure that I'm not a replacement for her. I mean, that you want me for me and not for what you almost had with her."

"So, you learned all this from Mistress Martha? And are you basing your decision on second hand knowledge or am I to be allowed to tell my side?" Alex asked a clipped voice.

"Of course I want to hear your side! That's why I'm here."

"Very kind of you." He sipped his coffee and said nothing more. He stared down into her face until she lowered her eyes. After a few minutes, he sighed, "I should have known that this could or would happen, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. It was three years ago. It's my past and you are my future. I want you for you, you are nothing like Angel. What happened, happened and I'm not denying that it was an intense relationship, maybe too intense. We pretty much burned each other out.

She wanted to go out that night, I didn't. She insisted so instead of taking her to a bdsm club I took her to a dance club. She loved it. She danced with everyone who asked her. I just sat and watched as she flirted her way around the dance floor. Every once in a while she would catch my eye and give me a wicked little grin. I knew then that things were coming to an end. I told her it was time to go and she just laughed.

Then out of nowhere the lights flickered once and the place went dark, I couldn't see her. I called her name, but by then people were starting to panic and we could see flames near the ceiling. Everyone started running for the doors. I caught a glimpse of Angel and I tried to grab her, but we were pulled apart and I was pushed with the crowd out the door. When I got out and didn't see her anywhere I ran back in and found her lying on the floor. She looked so broken. I tried to get her up, but she freaked out. Somehow this was all my fault. I felt guilty. I tried to make amends, but she was having none of it. She left the next day and I haven't heard from her since."

Kelli listened to the differences in the stories. Who did she believe? She looked back up at Alex and the storm clouds had passed. She had spent the last three months with him and he had never lied to her, why should she assume he was lying now? After all, she loved him. She did love him! And wanted to be with him.

Looking into his eyes Kelli smiled softly, "Master Alex, I apologize for doubting you. I had to know the truth. I was scared and confused, but I'm not now. I've made my decision and I'd like to share it with you."

Alex shook his head, "No Kelli, you have another day and a half before I need your decision. I want you to take all the time you can."

"But!" Kelli voice shook.

"Seriously, you need to think about all of this and not be so quick to jump in muddy waters. Besides, I think I'd like to pay a visit to Mistress Martha and catch up on old times."

"I don't need to think! I've done nothing but think since you left, I know what I want and adding more time to my sentence is not going to change that." Kelli was almost in tears.

"It's only a day and a half and you must be absolutely sure. If you decide to live with me I will want your total submission. Do you understand what that means?"

"Yes Master Alex, you want me to be like Robert."

"Wrong. I want you to be like you only absolutely submissive, all the time. It's not a game I play for fun. It's a lifestyle that I lead. You have to want it too, not just for me, but for yourself. You have to willing do what I tell you. You have to gain pleasure out of pleasing me. If you can't do those things, if that doesn't work for you then this won't work for us. This is important, Kelli."

"Okay," Kelli said in a small voice.

"Pardon?"

"I mean, yes Master Alex."

A hint of a smile played around Alex's lips. "I have an idea. Why don't you go home and get some rest and be back here by eleven. Be ready to learn what being my submissive is all about."

"Yes Master Alex" Kelli shivered with excitement. She got up and gathered her things. Alex showed her to the door where he turned and kissed her hard. "God, I've missed that and you. Be careful driving home."

Kelli got in her car and drove back home. Her stomach was churning and extra strong coffee was not helping the situation any. It was going on seven thirty when she let herself back in the house. She didn't hear anything as she crept back up the stairs. Once in her room she noticed the message light flashing on her laptop. She sat down to check, hoping against hope that it was a message from Alex. It wasn't.

Good morning Kelli

Remember the early bird does not always get the worm...

What the hell? How did anyone know what she did at three a.m.? She found this rather unnerving and again thought about telling Alex, but she didn't want to trouble him or make him angry. She would try and handle this on her own, starting by ignoring the message. She stripped off her clothes and crawled back in bed.

Before she knew it the alarm was going off and it was ten o'clock. She yawned and got out of bed. She opened the door to see her mother going down the stairs followed by a strange man carrying her luggage. Damn! She had forgotten her mother was leaving today. She quickly turned around and threw on a sundress and ran a brush through her hair. She went downstairs and caught up with her mother.

"Well hello, sleepyhead!" Leila said.

"I'm sorry mom, I overslept."

"It's ok, Kelli, I wasn't going to leave without saying good bye. I love that dress on you by the way. That shade of green really brings out your eyes."

"Thanks mom and thank you for everything! I've had a wonderful visit with you, I wish you weren't leaving."

"I've had the best time with you too. I'm sorry that I have to go, but I'm only a phone call away if you need me. I hope everything works out for you and Alex. You will keep me updated, won't you?" Leila looked hesitant, as if she was afraid she was asking too much.