Looing but Never Finding

A warning to the reader. This is a very long chapter. I hope the journey is worth it should you find your way to the end. Following chapters will not be as long.

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In the morning I felt so rested and so awake. So complete. So satisfied and happy. I loved my cats while I ate breakfast and ran my typical Saturday errands. Several times during the day I thought of driving over to Natalie's but resisted the urge. I wasn't sure what I would say or why I wanted to go. I contemplated my desire to make love to her several times that day and will admit I was perplexed by it. I have never wanted to make love to a woman before. I had occasionally thought about it in a way I believe many straight women do. You know, I wonder what it's like, how women do it, I really have no urge to try it... in that way. That night I climbed into my car and actually started the engine with the idea of going back to the bar to find Natalie. I decided against it and went back into the house. As excited as I was by the idea of seeing Natalie again and having "another lesson", the funny thing is, I had no pressing desire to engage in sex or masturbation that night. I still felt completely satisfied from Friday's lesson.

Sunday dawned a beautiful day. I had my coffee in my backyard giving the cats some time outside. I decided it was a good day for a bike ride. I changed into my riding gear and hopped on my bike. The day warmed quickly and after riding for an hour I was rather sweaty and decided it was time to go home. I turned the bike around. I pretended with myself that I was just taking the long way home, that I didn't know where I was headed, but I knew where I was going. I had pedaled to a place where Natalie's house was on my way home. I turned left onto her street.

As I approached her house, I saw her out working in her garden. She was gorgeous. Natalie's long dark hair was tied back in a ponytail. She was bent over in short shorts and wearing a bikini top. Her legs were long, straight, muscular, finishing at the top in the most enviable ass. I turned into her driveway.

"Hello Natalie." I said. I noticed I had my head lowered ever so slightly reflecting I felt a bit of shame at being there.

"Hello Elizabeth. It's so nice to see you again." Natalie said without lifting her head.

I remained standing in her driveway straddling my bicycle. She seemed to finish something she was doing before looking at me. "You look like you need a drink Elizabeth. You're hot and sweaty, though in a very beautiful way. I have some fresh made lemonade waiting for you on the porch. Please sit and have a glass. I will join you shortly."

I leaned my bike against a wall and walked up onto the porch. I felt nervous and excited. I didn't know what I was expecting being at Natalie's I just knew I wanted to be there. I knew I wanted something from Natalie but I didn't know what or was afraid to admit what it was. My thoughts and desires were so conflicted. When I reached the porch there was a pitcher of lemonade filled with ice and a glass opposite each of the two chairs. Had Natalie been expecting me I wondered as I poured lemonade into a glass. She did say there was lemonade waiting for "me" and she had put out two glasses. I wondered if Natalie had already assumed the role of my Mistress and my second lesson had begun and she was already instructing me what to do. While I sat quietly waiting for Natalie to join me, I pondered if I should leave.

Neither of us spoke while I waited. I finished my drink and was about to get up and leave disappointed when Natalie walked up onto the porch pulling off her gardening gloves. I looked up at her and smiled like a teenage girl with a crush on the high school quarterback.

"Was it good Elizabeth? Did you enjoy it?"

"It was very good Mistress. I did enjoy it very much."

"Silly girl." Natalie said bending down, kissing me on the lips. "There's no need to call me Mistress all the time."

I had kissed her back feeling all giddy inside with excitement. "I'm sorry Mistress. I mean Natalie. I don't know why I'm so nervous."

"That's okay, but there's no need to be nervous. Can I have a drink please? If you don't mind waiting I'm going to go in and clean up before I sit down and visit with you."

I felt like I couldn't pour the drink quickly enough. I held it up for Natalie to take. "Here." I said. "I will wait. Thank you, Mistress."

"Have another for yourself." Natalie said taking the glass and dragging her free hand across my face. "Beautiful." she said taking in all of me with her gaze.

Natalie disappeared behind her door. I sat waiting unable to focus on anything my mind was so blurred with thoughts and anticipation. Again I knew this sensation but couldn't relate an experience to it.

The door opened as I was finishing the last of my second glass of lemonade. Natalie came out and stood beside the table. I looked up her, speechless.

Natalie had changed into some cut-off shorts and a t-shirt. Her wet hair laid flat on her chest and back leaking dampness onto the white cotton. She did not wear any makeup nor a bra apparently. She looked stunning. My heart swooned wanting to touch her and be loved by her. Natalie poured herself another glass of lemonade then looked at me and held up the pitcher silently offering me a third glass.

"No thank you Natalie. I have had enough for now." It felt awkward, almost disrespectful calling her Natalie. Almost like calling an uncle or aunt by their first name only.

"Very well. Did you have a nice bike ride Elizabeth?"

"I did Mistress, I mean Natalie. It was very pleasant." Why was I talking like an imbecile? Why didn't I just say, 'Yeah. It was great. It's such a beautiful day and there wasn't much traffic.'?

"How was your orgasm after lesson one Elizabeth?"

How did she know? Again I half wondered if she had camera in my bedroom. I smiled and answered as coherent Elizabeth, not imbecilic Elizabeth.

"It was pretty darn fabulous." I said nodding my head. "I think I might have scared my cats it was so fabulous."

The cat comment made Natalie smile. "I am so happy for you my pet. Had it been a while since you have felt that, or is scaring your cats a regular occurrence for you when you orgasm."

I smiled at Natalie sure she would remember my comment from Friday night, "I'm sure you already know the answer Mistress, especially if you have been watching that camera you must have hidden in my bedroom. I would have to search deep into my memory to recall such a seismic orgasm."

Natalie sipped her lemonade looking at me over the rim of her glass essentially showing no reaction to my report. Like I said to her, I'm sure she already knew the answer to her question and she knew I wasn't going to lie to her.

"The rest of my afternoon is free Elizabeth. What plans do you have for the rest of the day?"

I thought for a second and decided to answer her question directly allowing her to suggest possible options, "I guess I don't have any plans. I need to grab lunch and decide what I'm having for dinner. I may just sit in my backyard and read as a way to avoid housework." I tried to emit a natural sounding laugh. I don't think I was successful.

"Would you like another lesson instead of going home and reading? We touched on so little on Friday night. If you're up to it I think this is a good time for lesson number two don't you Elizabeth?"

I caught my heart racing as I spoke the words, "Yes Mistress. I think I have time for lesson number two," bowing my head in an attempt to hide my excitement and glee. I doubt I was successful.

Yes, a racing heart and a tingling pussy. That is why I drove over here today, isn't it? I tried to fool myself into thinking it hadn't been my plan when I was hiking up my biking shorts to leave on my ride. And now I was excited and scared, hardly able to breathe, yet eager to give myself to Natalie. A lesson. Sure, if that's what you want to call it. I just want you touching me again, tormenting me if that will heighten my arousal, but touch me, please touch me. I was still wrestling with me having a damn school girl crush on Natalie even though I wasn't a lesbian. But my body wanted her touch and kisses. What the fuck was going on? I just know I wanted her to touch me.

"Why don't you come in and have some lunch Elizabeth? You must be hungry after your ride and you will need the energy for your lesson. I will put out some food for us."

With an eagerness I was trying hard to control, I stood to go into the house but Natalie did not move. She sat her glass on the table, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Normally my pets are only allowed to visit when I invite them Natalie. I always set that rule at the end of lesson 1, otherwise they may come by at inopportune moments. That is something you must remember when you bring your boys home Elizabeth. They must always know you control them which includes when then visit."

I didn't speak. I just stood looking at Natalie; listening intently but now feeling like I may have broken protocol. But she did have two glasses out for drinks. Did she somehow know I would come by today or did drop by at an inopportune moment causing her to make a change in plans?

Even though Natalie and I are essentially same height I always felt like I was looking up to her. My breathing had steadied but my anticipation and anxiety were on edge.

"But you are different to me Elizabeth. As you are a student with whom I am sharing my knowledge I have not set that rule, and I am so pleased you came for an unscheduled visit today. I had no afternoon plans and now I have the very best way to spend my last weekend hours by sharing them with you. This visit pleases me very much. So tell me Elizabeth, what do you think my boys are feeling as that begin their second visit?"

"Anticipation Mistress. Trepidation wrestling against excitement."

"Yes Elizabeth. Very good."

"Extreme joy at seeing you again Mistress."

"I hope so. And thank you Elizabeth. Do note how I do not let a compliment pass without a thank you. Do you remember that from that from your first lesson?"

"I do remember that lesson Mistress. It is an important lesson. Your boys would be experiencing an eagerness to please you Mistress and gratitude that you have invited them for a second visit."

"I do hope so Elizabeth."

"And without a doubt, fluctuating arousal Mistress."

"Fluctuating arousal? Really Elizabeth. Why would you think that? I would have thought they would be experiencing plain ordinary all out arousal."

Natalie reached out and touched my tits, I flinched only a little. "I touch your fine nipples and they tell me they are fully aroused. And I bet if I made you remove your shorts, I would find your pretty little cunt wet and slippery. Wouldn't I?"

Please don't make me take my shorts off while I'm standing outside, was my first screaming-above-all-else thought. But I did hear two compliments. Do I thank my Mistress once or twice? Let's be safe, I thought. "Thank you Mistress for saying I have fine nipples and that I have a pretty little cunt. If I removed my shorts, I believe you are correct, you would find my cunt wet and slippery Mistress."

"Our arousal fluctuates Mistress because your mere presence causes arousal, your beauty, your confidence, the attention you so generously give to us, but we fight against that arousal not knowing if we have your permission to be aroused."

"And do you think that struggle is good for my pets Elizabeth or do you think it creates too much anxiety?"

"What I think doesn't matter Mistress. What you think is all that matters. My opinion Mistress is that the fluctuation does create some mental sexual edging. This edging heightens your pet's awareness, alertness, responsiveness, arousal and their orgasms, our orgasms, should you permit us to have one... or more. I will let you decide if you think that is good for your pets Mistress."

"Are you enjoying me touching and playing with your breasts Elizabeth?" Natalie lightly pinched my nipples when she asked that question. And yes, she had been fondling me during our conversation.

"Yes Mistress. I have been loving your touches on my breasts and nipples."

"It is time to go inside Elizabeth. We will begin your second lesson after you shower and we eat."

I walked behind Natalie into her house. Natalie handed me a towel that was waiting on a table beside her front door.

"It's a hot day and you were quite sweaty Elizabeth. Go and have a shower while I prepare our lunch."

Natalie stood watching me remove my shoes. "You know you look really hot in those shorts Elizabeth. The way they hug your beautiful ass and highlight that gorgeous gap where your pussy sits." Natalie reached out and slid her hand between my legs caressing my cunt through my shorts.

I just stood there and let her touch me however and where ever she wanted. Afterall, she is my Mistress and I am her pet. I wanted to kiss her. To slide my shorts down while our lips were mashed together so Natalie could get her hands on my flesh.

"Damn hot Elizabeth." Natalie continued rubbing my pussy through my shorts with just enough pressure so I knew her hand there. I stood there letting her slowly rub my crotch. It felt so right giving myself to her though that voice in the back of my head was still saying 'but you're not a lesbian'.

"If your lesson wasn't so important, I would grab the food and meet you in my bedroom under the covers after your shower and make love with you all afternoon. But we will save that enjoyment for another day. Your training is much too important to let our lovemaking get in the way. Don't you agree Elizabeth?"

"Yes Mistress. If you say so then my lesson is more important. You see, I do not know because I do not know all that I have to learn. If you choose a lesson deferral for an afternoon of lovemaking then I will honor your decision to the best of my abilities."

In that moment I couldn't decide what I wanted more; lessons or lovemaking. I was happy with either or both if that was an option.

"Oh, there is much for you to learn Elizabeth and you already know how to be a great lover so your other lessons must take precedence. Now go have your shower and meet me in the kitchen when you are done."

I reflexively stepped forward and hugged Natalie, though she didn't hug me back.

"Thank you, Elizabeth. Now go and shower then we can have a proper hug together."

I hung my head. "Of course." I said feeling I had displeased my Mistress by pressing my recently sweaty body against hers.

"I have left other items out in case you need them as well. Do not dry your hair beyond what you can with a towel. I suspect you will be far sexier with wet hair today my pet." Natalie said picking up a strand of my hair to twirl in her fingers.

"I will do as you request Mistress." I could feel the excitement Natalie's touches had continued to raise inside me stealing my ability to breathe freely. As a result, my voice was soft and likely didn't penetrate the air beyond Natalie's ears. I could feel tingling in my tits. Reflexively I brought my hands to my chest, rubbed and lightly squeezed my breasts. Natalie smiled a knowing smile. She gently took my hands by the wrist, lowering them away from my chest.

"Save that for later my pet." Natalie placed her hands over my tits, just holding them there. "There will be plenty of time to honor your fabulous tits as they deserve to be honored."

Natalie turned and walked to her kitchen.

I caught myself before Natalie got too far away.

"Thank you, Mistress, for saying I have fabulous tits." Hoping my Mistress would forgive my delayed acknowledgement of her compliment.

Natalie didn't reply. She just kept walking.

I went upstairs knowing where Natalie's bathroom is having had "the tour" on Friday night. While wiggling out of my cycling shorts, I looked around the bathroom. As Natalie had said, everything I needed was there. There was floss, toothpaste, an unpackaged toothbrush, mouthwash, a razor and shaving cream. I removed my riding top and bra, piling them on the floor with my shorts, socks and underwear.

I looked at myself standing naked in front of the mirror. 'Not bad' I thought looking at my body. 'I can see how another woman might find me attractive.' I unspooled some floss and went to work freshening up my oral hygiene. While I brushed my teeth, I touched my tits. Still tingly with anticipation. I was examining my labia while fondling my tits. They looked good. I reached down running my fingers through my pubes decorating the top of my shaved labia. The hair was getting long but would be more than fine for today. They would need some trimming in a few days. I touched my labia. They were wet with excitement as I knew they were but they definitely had some stubble. I will shave them in the shower for my Mistress. Did Natalie know my pussy would need shaving? Is that why she left the razor? Oh god I wanted to touch myself and masturbate, but what I really wanted was for Natalie to join in me in the shower or afterwards in bed. I inhaled a few deep sighs trying to calm my urges. I spit out the toothpaste, rinsed with mouthwash, turned and stepped into the shower.

After washing my hair, and everywhere else, I washed my pits, pussy and ass twice more before I picked up the razor. I wanted to be as clean as I possibly could be for my lesson. I lathered up my crotch and went to work removing my coarse stubble. Prepping myself for Natalie was making me even more excited which made shaving more difficult. My labia were so slippery with my pussy excretions I was having a difficult time holding them in place while I shaved.

I was finally pleased with the results and hoped Natalie would be as well. I had finished rinsing my crotch and reached for the tap when I stopped. My ass. Should I shave my ass? I didn't have a lot of hair there, but everyone has some, well I'm guessing they do. I had never shaved my ass. I reached around and ran a finger up between my buttocks. I didn't have to check twice. I lathered, grabbed the razor and for the first time in my life I shaved my ass.

When I stepped from the shower there was a small gift box with a card on top sitting on the vanity. I looked around holding the towel against me but not drying myself. My pile of clothes was gone. I had not heard someone come into the bathroom when I was showering. I looked around some more before picking up the card and seeing my name on it. I opened it.

Dearest Elizabeth, my beautiful pet,

Your clothes are in my laundry being washed so they are clean for your journey home. In the box you will find your outfit for our lesson today. Please put it on and meet me in the kitchen.

Your Mistress Natalie.

Funny. As I was stepping into the shower I wondered what I was going to wear after I was clean. Now I knew. My Mistress thinks of everything for me.

I untied the ribbon slowly and opened the box. When I peeled back the tissue, I saw a black suede choker, a bottle of perfume and the most beautiful bra and panty set I had ever seen.

Mindlessly I started drying myself before I reached out and touched the material. The set was gorgeous. Royal blue with a pretty tone-on-tone floral pattern. I picked up the choker. There was a silver tag on it. Ah, a collar, not a choker. I looked at the tag. It was blank. I fastened the collar around my neck. I glanced in the mirror to see how it looked. The black suede stood out against my fair skin. The contrast was beautiful. Mistress has chosen well. Leather or steel would have been too hard against my soft complexion, velvet would have worked but would have been too soft. Suede was perfect.

Examining the results of my cleanup, I couldn't help but notice my nipples jutting out at me announcing my arousal, begging to be touched. So I touched them. My nipples responded more, stretching their skin to the point it almost hurt. I didn't have to touch my crotch. I already knew I was wet and horny and if I touched myself, I was certain I would not stop until I came and I wasn't certain if my lesson had started and if I had permission. So I refrained.