Looing but Never Finding

"Isn't this an incredible place? I mean, look at all the people here. They're all hot."

He turned and watched two women walk by, ogling them in the worst way, but in a way most guys seemed to think was somehow attractive or appealing to women. I sat my empty drink on the bar.

"Excuse me," I said talking to the side of Steve's or Rob's or Leo's head. He had introduced himself but 10 seconds after he had said his name I couldn't remember it and never would. I turned and headed for the ladies room without waiting for a response.

What had I been thinking early in the evening? Sure. It had started out to be another Friday night sitting at home alone with my cats. Probably downloading a movie from Netflix and falling asleep on the couch halfway through. I walked into the ladies room. There were a few women at the sinks fussing with their hair, makeup and clothes. A couple of stalls were free. I didn't really have to go but at least I would be a little isolated and would have some alone time with my thoughts.

I sat down and allowed myself to pee even though it wasn't a pressing matter. What the heck was I doing here? Alone at a bar. What were most guys going to think? They were going to think I was there so I wouldn't be alone at home and that I hadn't been fucked in a long while and felt like getting some tonight. And... they would be right. But the thought of taking one of these smarmy pretty boys home with me gave me the shivers. Sure. We would fuck. It would feel good having someone inside me and then, then it would feel empty. And there would be awkward moments when it was time for him to leave. And the old, "It was great. Let's do it again. I will call you." routine would run its course both of us knowing we never wanted to see the other person again. Fuck. I'm outta here.

I wiped myself, hiked my clothes back into position and exited the stall. I walked to the sinks where one woman, my age, with long dark hair, wearing a simple little black dress was standing touching up her lipstick. The ladies' room was otherwise quiet. I slung my purse over my shoulder and started washing my hands.

"Creepy shallow guy wasn't he?" The woman in the black dress was speaking. I wasn't sure if she was talking to herself or trying to talk with me. "The guy you left standing at the bar. Creepy and shallow. I bet you didn't even have to pee."

"I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?"

"Natalie. I'm pleased to meet you."

I looked to my right and, Natalie I guess her name was, was facing me holding out her hand. I grabbed some towels dried my hands then shook hers. "I'm Elizabeth. Shallow for sure. I'm not sure I gave him enough time to find out if he was creepy." I released Natalie's hand. "But I think creepy is somewhat of sliding scale in this place."

Natalie laughed then added, "And it has slid really close to the bottom of the scale here hasn't it?"

I laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Come on Elizabeth. Let me buy you a drink before you leave this place."

"Thanks. But I don't know. I was really planning on leaving."

"One quick drink at the bar and we'll have some fun with these shallow boys. Two beautiful women standing at the bar together are sure to attract a lot of attention in this place. Come on. You came out for some fun tonight. Let's go and have a different kind of fun for 30 minutes before you head for home."

I relented. "Okay. One drink."

"Great. It will be like a fast roller-coaster ride. You like roller-coaster rides, right?"

"I did as a kid, so I probably still do. Okay. Let's go for a ride."

I followed Natalie out to the bar. The people standing there seemed to part when Natalie approached, leaving a space for her and I that I hadn't thought existed. Before our drinks arrived two guys were standing next to us trying their best to pick us up. I don't think I had said three words, but Natalie had managed to laugh with these guys and at the same time shoot them down fast yet softly and painlessly. I wish I could remember what she had said but they were gone and the next pair stepped up to the plate.

Natalie was right. Two beautiful women together at a bar wearing simple black dresses was like honey for bees in this place. I will have to admit though that Natalie looked somewhat better in her dress than I did in mine.

Natalie was a master at this game. Before we had finished our drinks we were in the process of discharging our fourth pair of guys. A couple of them I might have taken home out of desperation had Natalie not been running her entertaining interference game.

I was having so much fun watching Natalie toy with and manipulate the men who arrived trying to win us over for the night I decided I would buy the next round. As I leaned over the bar to order two more drinks, the bartender was sliding two drinks out to us. Natalie had dismissed the last pair of men and before I could grab the drinks she had pushed them back saying to the bartender, "Thanks luv. We're about to leave. Take these to the kind gentlemen who sent them to us and tell them to watch for us next week. Here's a five for your troubles." And she tossed a five dollar bill on the bar.

"Come on Elizabeth. We've had enough fun for one night. Let's go back to my place and sip our next drinks there. What do you say? Then we can talk about each other instead of listening to these guys talk."

I was picking up my purse ready to follow her out when two more guys appeared.

"Sorry fellas. Too late tonight. And too bad, you two look tasty. Come back next Friday. We should be here."

We walked away ignoring whatever it was these two were saying. When we got outside, Natalie gave me her address. I knew exactly where she lived. It was less than 10 blocks from my house, which was a good thing if I was going to be drinking any more.

As I drove I wondered about what had happened over the last hour. Natalie seemed really nice but she had this air of confidence about her that was powerful and captivating. I had gone out with the thought of meeting a man and maybe bringing him home. While I was glad that didn't happen, I felt a strange excitement about going home with Natalie, though there had been nothing sexual in our interactions, verbal or otherwise. Or had there been? I thought for a second and shook my head. No. What was I thinking? And I was not a Lesbian in any way. But her confidence. And the men at the bar. When she sent them away it was like they had enjoyed being defeated by her. They were proud of their efforts but somehow they still walked away with their tail between their legs yet somehow feeling like they were victors.

I pulled up to a nice back-split on a small well maintained lot. Natalie has just climbed out of her black Toyota FRS. You say Scion, I say Toyota. In the end, they're the same thing. She waited for me in her driveway.

"Welcome. Welcome to my humble abode Elizabeth."

"Thank you Natalie. You're sure I'm not imposing?"

"In no way are you imposing. Come on. Let's go talk and drink some more in peace."

She grabbed my hand and led me up her stairs. I followed Natalie into her kitchen draping my jacket over the back of a chair. Her place was simple, minimalist, yet stylish and somehow warm.

"I know you were drinking rum at the bar, but how about some Jack Daniels or would you prefer something softer like some Bailey's on ice to sip on?"

"Why get soft now? Just because we're two women alone?" I laughed.

"Jack Daniels it is then."

Natalie was already pulling a bottle and two glasses out of her cupboard.

"Can you grab the ice out of the freezer Liz? Oh I'm sorry. You don't mind if I call you Liz do you?"

"No that's fine. Normally I prefer Elizabeth or Beth, but you can call me Liz if you like." I opened the freezer and grabbed an ice cube tray. Why did I do that? I really don't like Liz. Somehow I sensed that is what Natalie wanted to call me and I guess I'm okay with that. Besides. It will probably be a short friendship.

"So how do you manage those men so well? It truly was amazing to me."

"I just never cede control to them. From the time they step into my space I assume control."

"Really. I didn't see that."

Natalie replied with her confidence and self-assuredness, She sat two glasses of water and two glasses of JD on ice on top of her kitchen island. "I do it gently, subversively. They're the ones who decide if they can't handle it. I never forcefully push them away."

"I did notice that," I admitted to Natalie. "Have you ever brought someone home from that place, or a place like that?"

"Have you Liz?"

"I'm sorry to say that I have. A couple of times."

"No need to be sorry. We all have to learn what we truly want. What we truly need. Let me guess. You picked some pretty boy with a manly build who you thought would rock your world?

"Yep."

Natalie was looking me in the eye the whole time she spoke. I sat on a bar stool at the island in her kitchen. Natalie stood opposite me, holding her glass perfectly level, sipping her drink only when neither of us was speaking. Coming from someone else Natalie's words would have felt like a mini lecture, but the way Natalie presented her ideas there was no emotion. They were just ideas, accurate factual ideas. Natalie finished another small sip of her Jack Daniel's.

"And in the morning, when you were having your coffee, when you should have felt elated and satisfied and wanting more, you felt empty, unfulfilled and maybe a little unclean."

I hung my head a little. "Guilty as charged," I said. "So you've been there too."

"I made some mistakes the first few times but I've learned. It's been a while since me or anyone I brought home didn't leave satisfied."

"So tonight you brought me home. But I guess that doesn't count." I chuckled a little.

Natalie raised her glass to her smiling mouth, her eyes locked on mine, "I guess." she said drowning the end of her sentence in a little bourbon.

"So the men you've brought home. The sex is just sex. Your excitement is more from anticipation and a longing you think is just a lack of sex but halfway through intercourse the excitement is gone, you just want them to finish but you participate like you're consumed by their prowess. And when they're done and roll off of you or push you down from a brief doggie fuck, the excitement is completely gone and the longing is unquenched and deeper than when the night began."

"Damn. Do you have a camera hidden somewhere in my bedroom?"

Natalie smiled a wry smile, "No. Maybe I just see something in you that you haven't seen in yourself."

"What might that be?" I asked, half wanting an answer, half being smug, almost saying 'Look lady. You don't know me. And you don't know about my needs and wants.' I put down my empty glass.

"Why don't you use the washroom while I top that up for you then I'll show you around my place."

Natalie's words were light as if she hadn't caught the obvious tone in my response. "Sounds like a plan." I said sliding off my stool. I had finished the water and my bourbon. As I walked into the powder room Natalie had pointed out to me I noticed Natalie's water was gone but her JD glass still had a good amount left. I closed the door behind me. I swear she was sipping that drink the whole time we were talking. Maybe she started with more.

Natalie was beautiful I thought sitting there draining my bladder. Long raven hair. A shapely body. Ample bosom. Maybe 5'-6" or 5'-7". And such confidence. No wonder she had brought home many men and had the opportunity to hone her selection skills. And her house. Not big, but immaculate. I wonder what she does for a living. Funny how we hadn't touched on that topic.

I stepped out, "Shall we begin the tour?' Natalie asked handing me another glass of JD.

"Lead the way." I said.

Natalie looked a little different but I couldn't make out why. Had she just combed her hair? Maybe she touched up her make-up, or maybe she removed it. Was she wearing a different dress?

"I sent you to the powder room so I could make sure my home was presentable and ready before I led you around. The dining area and living area are obvious."

I looked around. The place was incredibly neat. There wasn't a lot of furniture or artwork but everything was perfectly positioned and I swear there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. It was sterile but there was still a warmth, a touch of love and caring.

"So you said you liked roller-coasters as a kid. When's the last time you were on one?"

"Oh I don't know. It's been years I guess."

"Do you remember the thrill you felt everywhere in your body? Your mind exploding with fear yet wanting more? The pit of your stomach threatening to let loose but craving to be pushed closer to the limit?"

"Oh yeah. I remember," I said, taking myself back to those rides with my brother or one of my friends. "And I loved every minute of it."

"And as you walked away there was something inside you pulling you back to get in line, to jump the queue, even though you would never normally do that, you seriously considered it right after a ride."

"Oh yeah. I do remember that. In fact, I did jump the queue a couple of times and didn't feel bad about it, I just wanted the thrill."

"And when's the last time you felt that?"

"Hmm. I guess it's been a while. But that stuff is just for kids."

"Yeah. I guess so." Natalie said, but I'm not sure she believed it.

We went up a few steps to her bedroom area. There were four doors I assumed were a bathroom and three bedrooms. We stepped into the bathroom first. The bathroom was just as perfectly neat as the rest of the house. It was as tidy and perfectly laid out as I expect a hotel room to be when I arrive. You know, so it looks like it has never been used; like I am the first person ever to have stayed in that room.

"That is my computer room so it's pretty boring. Have a peek inside. I don't spend much time in here. I only use it when I have to or if I want to play with my video equipment," Natalie said as we stepped into the next room. Tilting her head slightly towards some cameras positioned high around the room and a couple on tripods leaning into corners. Had she been wearing that deep red lipstick earlier? I shrugged my shoulders to myself. I couldn't remember. Other than the cameras, a desk and some photos leaning against the wall beside the desk, the room was empty with a few mirrors here and there and on the sliding doors of a closet that ran the full length of one wall.

"Your house is not large but it feels bigger than I would have thought Natalie. And it's decorated in such a perfect way to take advantage of the space you have.'

"Thank you," Natalie said raising her glass and tilting her head.

I had been sipping my drink as I followed Natalie through her house and was just noticing the effects of the alcohol. 'I really could use a nice hard cock right about now' I thought.

"Bedroom or playroom next?" Natalie asked.

I shrugged in response taking one more sip from my glass.

"Bedroom it is then." I shrugged again in response to Natalie's choice. It occurred to me though that Natalie was already stepping in that direction when she first asked "Bedroom or playroom?" and what did she mean "playroom"? She has no children as far as I can tell. There are no signs of any.

As I stepped into Natalie's bedroom I asked, "So this is your den of sin?" trying to engage her the way she had engaged me about the roller-coasters.

"When I allow it to be it is." Natalie replied. Her voice calm but matter-of-fact in its tone.

The bed had a fairly heavy wrought-iron headboard and footboard and a pure white duvet cover and pillows. The walls were painted a muted blue grey color. The room initially had a bit of a gothic feeling to me which was strange and didn't seem to fit the rest of the house. I was wondering if I might want to take back my compliment.

Natalie stood by her bed while my eyes wondered the walls. My head pulled back a little surprised when I saw a small collection of hand cuffs, crops and what I assume were gags hanging on the wall.

"What do you think of my toy collection Elizabeth?"

I flinched a shrug pretending to not be shocked or surprised by their blatant display, "I guess they kind of go with the décor." I tried to smile not sure what to say. "Do you get to play with them much?"

Natalie took a step toward me and in the most fluid motion I could imagine she scoop a pair of handcuffs off of a hook, then she twirled them letting them dangle over a finger. "Not as often as I would like to, of course, but when I do I try my best to let all of them have some playtime. Have you ever played with such toys Elizabeth?"

Natalie was now standing in front of me. It struck me that she had stopped calling me Liz. "Not really," I replied.

"Here," Natalie said, reaching for my glass, "Why don't you finish that and we can get rid of your glass." As I drained what was left of my drink Natalie continued. "So none of your little lovers have ever tied you up or spanked your lovely round behind until it was a bright pink?"

I handed Natalie my glass. I hadn't notice that she had left hers somewhere. The alcohol was making me feel a bit free but I also felt a little out of control.

"I guess I played with some bondage when I was I in my teens, but you know, it was sort of playful stuff. We didn't really know what we were doing."

Natalie set my glass down on a bedside table. "And no one has spanked your bottom?" she asked running her fingers over the small array of crops hanging on the wall.

"Not since my third grade teacher did for catching me flirting with one of the boys in class."

Natalie looked along her row of toys selecting a crop to lift from its hook.

"Here," she said handing me the crop, standing directly in front of me as close as we had been since we had left the bar, "tap this on your hand a couple of times. Think of the sting you feel in your palm. Imagine that sting on your buttocks. But also think of the texture of the handle and the impact vibrations that are transmitted up the shaft to the hand of the person wielding the crop."

I tapped myself a couple of times. Natalie put a finger on the shaft running it up and down. "You need to tap just a little harder deary in order to feel the soul of your tool. Each tool has its own soul, its own personality. Use it too softly or too firmly and neither you nor your pet will appreciate its true worth.

I tapped my hand a bit harder. My palm stung and I could feel the impact travel through the shaft to the handle. I tried a harder hit. Though the smack was louder the sting in my palm was less intense and the sense in the handle was unbalanced. I understood.

"Come on Elizabeth. One more room to see."

Natalie's serious, mildly dark demeanor flipped to playful. She put her hands on my shoulders spinning me around ushering me out of the bedroom. She kept a hand on one of my shoulders and held the cuffs and riding crop in the other hand.

"This room is so much fun," she said reaching for the doorknob. "I had almost as much fun assembling it as I have when I get to use it."

She swung the door open to what I would best describe as a dungeon. There were crosses and tables and benches scattered around the room. One entire wall was crops, ropes, whips, chains cuffs and I don't what else. I walked into the middle of the room and looked around.

"My god Natalie. You're really serious about this stuff. Holy shit. I would never have guessed."

"Nobody does," she replied with a wide grin on her face. "Great isn't it? You should see the look in the eyes of the guys I bring in here."

"I bet some of them run out of the house in terror." We both laughed, Natalie abruptly stopping her laughing after a couple of guffaws.

"At first I lost a couple of them. Probably half. But now I doubt I lose one in ten. The ones I lose are mostly because of some deep seated guilt they have about this type of enjoyment being deviant or something weird." She laughed a deep sensual laugh I had not heard from her before.