Another Dick and Ayva story for your enjoyment. Any resemblance to anyone real or imagined is purely coincidental and I am not talking.
Enjoy,
Xantu
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Ayva had always wished that Dick would be her Master, and despaired. It always seemed that if Dick knew what she wanted he would do the opposite. But Ayva was so enamored with the concept that she had pretended. She imagined his orders, and obeyed. She offered herself to him without limits, begging him to tell her what he wanted, how she may be more pleasing to him. She told him he was her Master. Dick looked perplexed and somehow at a loss at Ayva's antics. But sometimes he did little things to appease her and most of the time Ayva was satisfied with that. Ayva told herself she was satisfied with baby steps. She did not realize how far they had taken her.
Ayva lay in the hot water of the bathtub, listening to Dick slamming things around the kitchen, muttering and cursing about the cupboard doors, not being able to find things, generally being Dick. Ayva had no idea why he was complaining about the kitchen so much. She had cleaned it up really good yesterday afternoon despite the pain. Dick had said, "Clean up the kitchen and run the dishwasher." A precious command, one of the few he had ever given her. It did not matter that her back was in constant spasms, she cleaned up the kitchen. He had given the direction yesterday morning before leaving for work and her back had gone out right after lunch.
As the water cooled Ayva looked idly at the myriad little bruises scattered down her legs. It had taken them about twenty four hours to show up. There was a small rug burn on her knee and a few more on the tops of her toes of one of her feet. She knew they matched the little on one the tip of her nose. She wondered what hand prints on her ass looked like but the stiffness in her back had kept her from twisting around to look.
Ayva knew that she would have to get up out of the bathtub soon and carefully planned on how she was going to manage this. It seemed like the slightest movement could make her whole back seize up and only the fear of making worse kept her from falling to her knees.
Dick had been very attentive, helping with all the little things, feeding her, bringing her medicine, helping her dry off, even helping her put on her panties. It was impossible to lean over. But his manner was amused and not a little satisfied.
Ayva thought back to the email she had sent a friend early in the morning after it had happened. As usual she had been unable to sleep in his bed with him and slipped away to write and to think about the lessons she had learned that evening.
I learned something important last night. My husband is my Master, completely and totally, just because it did not look the way i expected it to; it did not mean it was not there.
I have a personality flaw, a thinking error that i am completely aware of and manage to keep control of most of the time but sadly sometimes i become a little crazy. And i did it again yesterday. If he does not make love to me, i tend to interpret that as rejection. He sometimes goes long periods of time without initiating intimacy and will refuse me if i ask him to make love to me. (Not scenes, just plain old "please hold me under the covers" loving). I become increasingly whiny and demanding and irritable. I am perfectly aware that this is not helpful... but it is amazing how crazy can keep going even when the sane person inside your head is yelling stop.
His being sick the last two months has not helped with this. My fears and anxiety about his illness and his tendency to withdraw even further when he does not feel good, increased that gap between us. He is much better but still was not "paying attention" to me. And i had a tantrum last night. Because i completely totally hate the idea that he is perhaps making love to me because he is "indulging" me and not because he wants me, i told him not to bother. Then i said that i take it all back that i did NOT want him to be my Master, that he could just be my husband, that I did not want to be good anymore and then I got quite rude and very disrespectful. He began to spank me and I told him he could not do that anymore.
LOL... i found out that once you give it... at least at my house... you cannot take it back. After a pretty dramatic wrestling match i found myself hogtied with an extension cord and getting my bottom blistered. It still hurts to sit.
We will probably never have any spoken rules, and my leash will be long, but it does not mean it was not there.
He is justifiably pretty angry at me and keeps giving me looks, like "i dare you to try that again" looks that i think are calculated to communicate to me that i better fucking behave myself. That being good is not my choice. He gave me a direct order to sleep in our bed. (We rarely sleep together because i can't sleep, after 3 hours of lying there thinking i slipped back upstairs. He just followed me up and gave me the look again and i pleaded that i could not sleep and i tried for 3 hours. I asked if he wanted me to come back to bed and he growled that he would think about it but then went back to bed without me...)
And i find myself in a very pensive mood. I am a little angry and a little amused at myself for all this time thinking, just because it did not look like the way i expected, it to look that it was not there. That it had been there all along and i had it in my hand and did not appreciate it for what it was. I still have my Master/husband/lover, like i said it is not mine to take back. And he is not going to allow me to stop being his.
And i feel a little overwhelmed and a lot guilty... and for some inexplicable reason still a little angry at him... because he is not one to say things out loud, to say what is or is not true... he is very emotionally secretive, distant and in many, many ways mysterious to me. I want it to be easier, to have him tell me exactly what the rules are, what he wants from me, but i know i have to accept it for what it is.
So i am owned and i do have a MASTER. I had it all along. SURPRISE...
After a few hours of being awake Ayva slipped back downstairs. She did not usually do that but today things felt a lot different.
When she woke in the morning much of the anger had dissipated and she knelt at Dick's feet and laid her face on his knee. "I'm sorry."
He did not speak.
She looked up at him and whispered, "How may I serve you."
Dick rolled his eyes and then muttered, "Get me some more coffee."
As he left for work today she asked him again. "Is there anything you want me to do while you are at work today?"
Again he rolled his eyes and frowned and then said, "Clean up the kitchen and run the dishwasher even if it isn't full."
Ayva worked on her stories and emailed friends most of the day, watching the clock. Typically she was waiting until the last minute to do the cleaning. It was around 3:00 pm when she reached behind her back to adjust the cushion she was leaning against and 'pop' something clicked or snapped and she felt a stabbing pain in her back. "Damn it!"
The last thing she needed was Dick getting all apprehensive about hurting her. She stood up and the muscles repeatedly tried to contract and cramp up. She literally forced herself to relax and went and cleaned the kitchen. It only took a little while but it was a ballet of trying to appease the angry pain in her body and get the work done all the same.
