Learning to Let Go

Learning to Let Go is an 8 part continuous series; so if you were naughty and skipped ahead I urge you to start at the beginning or the following may make little sense.

Welcome to Part 4.

*****

2010

I picked the restaurant, which was really more of a bar, on purpose; the lighting was low, people walked to and fro frequently, and most importantly one side had different tables to the other. I noticed this almost the first time I went there with a group of work colleagues; I was letching over a girls legs who sat on one side of the room when this really attractive girl walked in and sat herself down with her guy on the other side. So I figured I'd check her legs out too, only I couldn't, because the tables on the other side had some sort of panel between the front and the back. I was hoping that Jen didn't realise this.

We sat down at a table I had asked for claiming I wanted to be away from the door; the only one remaining was one at the back and in a corner which was perfect for my intentions. I could have sat facing her but instead chose to sidle up next to her; my hand instantly dropping between her legs. A waiter came over to us and I ordered a very light meal as I wasn't really in the mood for eating at all, but I wanted to make Jen wait as long as possible.

"What would you like to have Jennifer?" I asked her.

"Umm, could I have... could I just have a small carbonara please?" With the guy still stood next to us I made a point of saying.

"Please, Sir? Don't you mean?" Jen's eyes went wide and the waiter seemed even more shocked and looked in any direction but ours. "Well, Jennifer?"

"Sorry, Sir. I forgot." She made a very poor attempt at hiding her humiliation and I wondered if I was pushing too hard. I ordered drinks and let the waiter go. Once he was out of earshot I said.

"You're now on twenty-five minutes."

"For fucks sake!" She hissed. "We're in public!"

"I told you from the outset you would have to do it even in public. And you're now on half an hour." I smiled at her, daring her to keep going, but she didn't say anything further. "Thirty minutes of punishment Jennifer. My word, but this will be hard enough on me, let alone you." And then said as an afterthought. "I wonder if you can take thirty minutes." Jen didn't know what to say, but I bet her imagination was in overdrive trying to figure out what I had in store for her as punishment.

The waiter turned up with our drinks and avoided small talk to get away as fast as he could, which suited me fine. I took a sip of my whisky and then set it down on the table so I could trace my cold fingers up Jen's inner thigh and she jumped a little but did not protest.

"Open your legs Jennifer." I said to her in a very normal voice. She glanced at me and then moved her legs a little while talking a long pull on her vodka.

"Wider please." Her jaw clenched with the determination to go through with it and my hand drifted a little higher.

"I'm not really satisfied with that attempt Jennifer." She couldn't hold her comment back.

"

Well that's as wide as I can get them!

"

"Jennifer, I know you can do the splits. Your leg isn't even touching mine. Maybe your skirt is hampering you?" I reached over and yanked it up a little. "Now try and do a fucking better job of it when I ask you next time. You're now on thirty-five fucking minutes for daring to talk back to me.

Open your fucking legs wide you slut

." I saw her body go rigid and again considered I'd crossed a line but then I felt her leg touch mine.

"Good girl. Now, tell me what you think I bought in the sex shop?" My fingers lightly skimmed over her cunt. There could be no doubt how aroused this was making her and I teased her flesh by being far too gentle for her tastes.

"I don't know, Sir." My finger dipped inside her, not even to the first knuckle and she let out a tiny gasp. I lifted the same finger to my mouth and sucked it tasting her; Jen's breathing got a little deeper from seeing that and my hand dropped down again.

"Well, you could at least try and guess." I sunk two fingers deep inside her and started to rub right on the spot that always sent her wild.

"

Fucking hell

... Sir... maybe you want to put something in my ass?"

"Hmm well, yes, maybe. You'll have to wait and see. I did buy more than one thing as it happens... But... they're all surprises." I started to push the palm of my hand against her clit as I finger fucked her. "Take a look at those girls opposite us Jennifer; at the table. Wouldn't you say their skirts are a little long?" Jen lifted her head up and for a moment I didn't think she would make the connection I was intending but her I could see the fear creeping into her face. "That's right; I bet if those same girls looked this way they might think your skirt is just a tad too short. They might also notice I have my fingers deep in your wet little cunt."

"You've got to stop this.

Please. Sir!

" She was panicked but her pussy was betraying what she really wanted as I felt it briefly squeeze my fingers.

"Have you ever cum in public before?" I gave her clit a little more pressure but kept my fingers slow, knowing how she liked the sensation to build.

"Fucking hell... No, Sir." Her breathing was edging into a pant. The sexual tension that had been building in her for hours was at a point she couldn't easily control it - could not decide if she wanted to cum or not. My fingers started to form more of a "come hither" motion inside her and I felt her hips buck. Her head dropped, and her face was obscured by her hair; the only thing she could possibly see was my hand on her pussy.

"You're going to cum for me here and now Jennifer." Simply saying the words made her squeeze again, and I started to speed up, knowing her body, watching for the signs of her approaching climax. I was well practiced with how she liked it and I used every little trick I could think of to pull her nearer and nearer to her orgasm. "I want you to tell me when you're close Jennifer; we don't want to make a scene do we?"

"Ughh, no Sir. Just like that Sir,

keep doing that Sir

." She was whispering between

breaths "Finger my naughty cunt Sir, it wants it so bad."

"Yes Jennifer, you want it don't you? You've been thinking all day about how I would treat you and now you know. I know you would rather be treated like a slut than sit here like a lady. Your filthy little cunt is so tight now. It gets tighter every time I call you a slut doesn't it?"

"Oh god! Yes Sir!

I want to be your slut Sir!"

"Then cum for me slut. Cum all over my fingers."

"Fuck...

fuck... yes

..." At which point I removed my fingers from her and used a napkin to wipe them dry. Jen looked up expecting to see that someone had caught us but no-one was there and everyone else in the room completely oblivious to what we had been doing. She looked at me bewildered.

"You

stopped?

"

"Yes."

"

What the fuck for?"

"That's a full forty minutes you owe me Jennifer. You're mine. I can do with you what I wish, and I don't wish for you to climax now. I changed my mind." She was visibly shaking she was so horny, and it seemed like she couldn't have formed any words at that stage even if she wanted to. "Anyway, I think that's our food coming now."

Jen didn't say a word as she tried to pick through her food and I forced mine down even though I felt similar; I didn't want to appear as anything other than calm and confident. The truth was I was a raging tumult of lust. I almost wished I let made her orgasm here at the table; it was so damn sexy my mind couldn't quite get a handle on it. The small amount of rationality I had left said that it was a good job I had stopped because it would make the rest of the evening better. Every time I raised my fork I could smell her on my hands and it was distracting the hell out of me. I was so hard I ached.

"Are you not going to eat the rest of that?" I asked her.

"No Sir. I'm not really hungry."

"Well, if you're not going to be using your hands to eat, I want you to hold my cock. Through my trousers, no need to get it out." She didn't hesitate and I exhaled all the way when she grasped it firmly. Her hand very gently started to pump and I could feel the pre-cum spill from the head as my foreskin slipped back inside my boxers. It felt so good.

So good

. "Would you like to make me cum Jennifer?"

"Absolutely Sir." I saw her lick her lips.

"You like to have it in your mouth don't you?" She nodded and I could see she had dropped her other hand beneath the table too - yet it wasn't on me.

"You can only feel me cum if you're a very, very good girl." She pouted but said.

"I want to be a good little slut for you Sir. I'll do whatever you ask." I cleared my plate and settled my knife and fork down.

"We'll see."

2005

Nikki took her time to undress me. It was the first time in my life that a girl wanted to fully take charge, and not just make a show of it either. I could tell she was well into her comfort zone from the moment she slipped the belt out of my jeans and I wondered if she might use it to bind my wrists as I had done to other girls before. That was about as kinky as I had ever been, and in comparison to what surrounded me now, a leather belt wasn't that special. Nikki had a myriad of options to tie me up if she wanted. Well, there was no doubt at all she wanted that; the question was if I would be happy to let her.

I watched as she coiled the belt up and placed it carefully on a shelf next to three dildos and the proximity of something I own being on the same surface as the other objects made my brain misfire. Nikki turned back to me, and lifted my t-shirt by the hem. I realised I was being complicit with her intentions as my arms raised and I let her do what she wanted. I wasn't even fighting this role change and I knew that I wanted it to be like this. I also knew I was a little scared.

"

Good body

." She said, stroking her fingertips through my chest hair. "I knew you were fit but it's always a treat to get my hands on some firm flesh." Her finger and thumb pinched one of my nipples gently and I found I was mentally preparing for her to press harder until it hurt me. She didn't do that at all. Instead, with her other hand, she reached for her own and mirrored the actions. Her face changed then, just a little, and there was a hunger there I could see she was holding back. I didn't know what I ought to do, or say, or if this was even going to be something I enjoyed. My arms hung by my sides and seemed awkward, like I should have reached out and touched Nikki. With all the other girls I had been with over the years I had never experienced one that did not want to be touched; but when I tried she pushed my advances away.

"No, you don't get to touch me unless I let you, Yoshi. And I don't let you." Her hands stroked down my stomach and rested at the top of my jeans. "Can you stop yourself from being naughty or would you like some help?"

"You don't seem to be all that interested in making things easy for me." Nikki bit her lip and her eyes danced brightly.

"You're wrong. I'm going to do everything for you Yoshi. I don't want you to do anything at all. All you have to do is accept what I do."

"Accept or submit?" She laughed lightly.

"Do the words matter?"

"Just so we're straight on what's going on here." Her fingers popped my jeans button open and she looked me straight in the eyes.

"What I love more than anything else in the world is taking one of you alpha male type of guys and have them submit to me. I want you to do that. It interests you I know." We could hear each click of my zip as she very slowly undid it.

"What makes you think I like the idea?"

"Two things. You're here now and you knew damn well what I am, what I wanted from you."

"Maybe I figured you just wanted some pictures taken."

"Maybe." She tugged my jeans down and once over my hips they dropped to the floor. I felt her fingers slowly encircle my cock through the material of my shorts. "But this doesn't feel like a dick that doesn't like the proposition does it?" Nikki just held it loosely in her hand and I made a move to take my shorts off. She smacked my hands away. "You really are bad at this.

God you make me so fucking horny.

" Without any hesitation she dropped a hand down to rub her clit, totally unabashed. It wasn't that she was playing with herself in front of me; it was

how

she did it - like I wasn't there, or I didn't matter. I wanted to make her feel good;

I

wanted her to respond to my touch. Nikki had briefly closed her eyes in rapture and I couldn't help reaching out to cup her breasts. She smiled, almost purred, and then opened her eyes and leaned forward to kiss me.

It didn't feel usual in any way at all because I don't think she really wanted to do it and the act was to comfort me, not for her to enjoy. Nikki kissed me with her eyes open watching for my response and I broke away sensing something was not right.

"You don't normally kiss guys do you?" I asked.

"No. But I am helping you."

"Making it more vanilla huh?" She turned away from me and walked over to a wooden chair.

"I'm going to offer you the easiest way of doing this Yoshi. The hard part is the first part."

"What's that then?" Nikki unfastened a leather restraint that was bolted to a thick wooden arm. I had noticed the fixtures on the chair from a sort of academic point of view earlier. Now they held the focus of my imagination completely. I had asked what the hard part was, but actually I knew, and Nikki - who stood naked next to the chair, playing with the straps - clearly understood this. I could either pull my jeans back up or I could sit down on a chair and Nikki would fasten me to it.

In reality only a few seconds passed, but in that time a lot of ideas were being processed in my head. Chiefly, once strapped down, I would be helpless. Everyone knows the sorts of things that a Domme might do; there would be pain, and surrounding me were so many instruments that could do me significant hurt I was genuinely scared. However, on the fringes of my fear was excitement. All through my life I had courted danger with my job, and I knew there was something that attracted me to it. But this was different; with my job it was a challenge to conquer my fears by having control over the situation. This would be embracing my fears and putting my trust in Nikki that she would push me hard but not break me. I would have no control at all.

Of course, I was not concerned about the physical pain; I had trust enough that she knew what she was doing. No, my fear was more about opening myself up to something emotionally; I had no idea what I would have to do. I didn't want to be humiliated, or made to beg, or drink piss; I didn't want to come out of this feeling less of a man than when I walked in the door. What bothered me was that Nikki said she liked alpha males, which meant it wasn't a submissive she was after necessarily. I wondered what part of it turned her on; perhaps it would be turning a man into a sub, which at its core meant changing something about me. I wasn't sure if I would like the change.

But ultimately my curiosity was getting the better of me. The more I worried about what it might be like the more I fell into the trap of needing to have an answer.

Could I handle this?

The man that walked into this room five minutes ago thought he could handle anything. So what if it turned out I liked crying like a girl after getting my dick whipped? Or did it matter to anyone if I had to drink my own piss through a gas mask? If I liked it then I liked it. I needed to stop being so judgemental and open my mind or I'd be limiting my life. I'd done some pretty wild things in the past but never had I relinquished control. There's a first time for everything.

I pulled my trainers and socks off, and stepped out of my jeans. I still had time to back out of this and aware I was hesitating because I hadn't removed my shorts. I've never been a bashful person and my general response to having a girl naked in front of me would be to reciprocate. Not today though; today I felt vulnerable, out of my comfort zone, and confused at how aroused this made me. Nikki just waited to see which way I would go, and by her demeanour it was clear she was having a hell of a time watching my indecision.

I'd like to say I sat in the chair as a result of my own desire, or willpower, or open mindedness to something new; but actually I took the seat because there was no way I was going to look chicken in front of a naked girl. I know that sounds massively sexist and really fucking lame, but it's the truth; I wasn't going to be outdone by a girl. Looking back on it I suspect that Nikki knew this all along, and very probably relied on my very obvious male reaction. Either my ego or my lust, or both, had led me to the point where my hands and feet were bound to a chair and the only way of being freed was if Nikki allowed it. The funniest part was that I had lost control of the situation well before I let her fasten the buckles around my wrists. I only realised this when she stood back to look at me and said;

"There. Exactly how I wanted you."

Continues in Part 5.