Part 16 Home, and finding a home
Mistress informed me that we needed to get the lake house cleaned and closed up; it was time to get back.
The house was immaculate, thanks to Katherine's orders and my cleaning skills, but I cleaned it again. This time there were the extra steps of emptying the fridge and freezer, stripping the beds, and the like. Mistress called the caretaker to let him know She was leaving.
I half-listened to Mistress' end of the conversation as I worked. The caretaker must've asked Her when She might be returning. September, I heard Her speculate. Early enough that the weather was still decent but late enough that most of the tourists would have vacated.
I thought about returning in September. I had mixed emotions about it. The lake house was lovely and comfortable and in a beautiful setting with amazing views. Obviously being anywhere where Mistress was the most important thing, but it was difficult not to think about the many humiliating experiences I'd had here.
I wanted to banish those thoughts -- the most important thing was serving Her, and the forms that took weren't for me to judge. Still, I couldn't get quite at ease with everything that had happened here. I sighed a bit, considering that I still had far to go. But that I trusted Mistress to help me get to where I needed to be, comforted me.
I slept most of the way home in the car. Katherine liked driving, and I got the sense that She was happier thinking Her own thoughts while I slept, than having me awake and potentially making conversation.
I reached up and touched my collar when I thought this, considering how D/s relationships, while fraught with complexities, in many ways are so much simpler than vanilla relationships. In a typical relationship I could afford to indulge in worrying that Katherine liked me asleep better than awake. In my present situation, I knew better and could make observations and feel them without obsessing on what they might or might not mean.
We pulled into the driveway. I was about to get out and start bringing things in when Katherine put Her hand on my arm.
"Before we go inside, candy, I want to touch on a few things." Her voice was a mixture of firmness, concern, and genuine excitement.
"Yes, Mistress," I said, and turned a bit in the passenger seat, listening.
"Today is, at least I hope it is, the beginning of a new chapter for us, candy. Or, perhaps better to say a new book, as it were. It's more than a chapter and if things work out as I hope and think they will, we'll do more than turn a page. In a very real sense we'll finish one book and start another."
She laughed. "There, I think I stretched that metaphor to and past the breaking point." I laughed with Her.
I wanted to ask exactly what She meant but, in my experience, Mistress almost always came around and answered what I was going to ask without my having to.
She went on, the excited part of Her voice winning out a bit more. "A lot of things have changed, or are about to, candy. In a moment we're going to walk into the house and see the changes. I know that they
should
look like, but we'll see it for the first time together."
I was excited to see the house, too. I had no idea what Mistress had done, but I'd been holding onto the silent hope that the kitchen would be redone. It needed it. I laughed to myself; no matter what the subjected was supposed to have been, I could always easily fall into thinking about remodeling the kitchen.
Katherine's voice gently took me back to the here and now. "Then there is your job situation. I mentioned before we went to the lake that I had found you a new job."
Her tone softened more; She gently squeezed my forearm. "I know you have some trepidation about it, candy, but I want you to know that a) it's going to work out fine, and b) it's what I want for you and this is a case where your faith in Me has to be greater than your worries."
I let Her words sink in a moment. That
was
the essence of submission, in the final analysis -- when the point is reached where trust is greater than fear, or worry, or anxiety, or anything else. Being honest with myself, I probably would have to admit that I was not yet at that point, not all the way. But that point was exactly where I wanted to be, and needed to be, really. I trusted Her, so I trusted the process.
Mistress smiled and spoke again. "For that to happen, though, each of us must take a step." She paused.
"Several steps. I suppose, really. For you it's more difficult than it is for Me."
The silence grew just to the point where I knew Mistress wanted me to ask.
"Why more difficult for me, Mistress?
She smiled again. I like to think it was Her being pleased with me knowing what She wanted and giving it to Her.
"Because I know where everything leads, candy. Or at least I know much more than you do, which is just the nature of the relationship and process. I have the picture of the completed puzzle, and together we do the puzzle, but you only have the pieces scrambled around you. It's yours to have to accept, to close your eyes and step forward, not knowing what lies ahead (or below). Trusting as opposed to knowing."
I sensed that we had moved from Mistress delivering a message to a conversation, so I pursued what was swimming around in my head.
"Why is it that way, Mistress, if I may know?"
Katherine started to answer, then stopped Herself. "That is an important question for Me to answer, candy. Let's get the car unloaded, take a look at some of the renovations, then continue this in a more comfortable setting than the car."
The renovations were simply stunning. Beyond what I might've imagined or hoped for. Not only had the kitchen been beautifully updated, but Mistress had also had the kitchen/living room space re-engineered to a beautiful open concept. The dining area, never quite right and always out of place, was gone, absorbed into the new great room.
I stared at the beautiful high-end appliances, the new countertops, the island. I think my mouth was open. I had left a nondescript place and returned to House Beautiful.
Mistress' taste in furnishings was impeccable. The great room really did look like something out of a magazine.
Before we unpacked or looked at the rest of the changes, Mistress had me get into my around the house outfit and make some coffee, so that we could continue the conversation started in the driveway.
I sipped my coffee, kneeling at Her feet, comfortable on my pillow.
"You asked why it is the way, candy. Why you must make that blind step, as it were. She paused, enjoying Her coffee a moment.
