I opened the door to my apartment, put my purse on the table just inside, and walked to the kitchen. Standing at the sink, looking out the window while running my fingers through my hair I wonder if am destined to be alone forever. There have been dates with men but no one holds my interest long enough to form a lasting relationship. I wonder if I am the problem. Perhaps I am being too picky, in search of the ultimate relationship that doesn't exist. Being alone is lonely, but settling for something less is worse. I know because I have been there before. Reflecting back to my first marriage, I grimaced at the years I endured a loveless existence.
Patience is virtue... You will find love when you aren't looking... It will happen when you least expect it. I have heard all the clichΓ©s, but I still question my sanity at times.
Tonight I am embarking on a new adventure. A girlfriend at work told me about a private club that her and her husband go to. I will join them this evening, as their guest.
She seems to think that my personality is the drawback, when it comes to my lack of finding a satisfying relationship. The club they are taking me to is a BDSM club.
I have always been sexually aware, but it isn't really something you talk about the first time you sit down with someone. She told me that there is a hierarchy in the BDSM world, but didn't elaborate on it. I asked her where she was in the scheme of things. She just smiled and said she was with me. I was tired and didn't bother to ask her what she meant. I just accepted her invitation to shut her up, since she thinks she knows me more than I know myself.
After I showered and dressed, they arrived at 6:00pm. Her and her husband looked wonderful, dressed in a dress and suit. Laura commented on how nice I looked then walked in and sat on the couch. I felt as though she wanted to talk, so I joined her.
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
"You look like you have something to get off your chest, so spill the beans."
She laughed, "I know I have not told you much about the club."
"And?"
"Well, it was hard to describe something like this place at work."
"So, tell me now."
"Do you know what BDSM means?"
"Yes, I read a little bit on the internet."
"Good and bad, depending on what you read."
"Ok, I'm listening."
"The BDSM world can be a beautiful place, or it can be a horrible place."
"Oh great, it sounds like this is where the sadomasochistic part comes in."
"No," she laughed, "I didn't mean it like that."
"Then what exactly are you trying to tell me?"
"Sue, I see how you are at work. I know you, and I think the reason you have not found a meaningful relationship is because something is missing."
"Well, duh."
"Ack, this is hard to explain without you having knowledge of the hierarchy."
"Just say it Laura."
"Ok. You are submissive Sue."
I laughed, "Submissive?"
"Yes, submissive."
"And just how did you come to this conclusion?"
"Your actions, how you respond to people and how you go out of your way to please others with no expectations."
"Ok, and how do you think this pertains to my lack of a meaningful relationship?"
"If you meet someone Dominant that you click with in the BDSM world, you will find out."
"If?"
"Well, BDSM or otherwise, you have to have chemistry with someone."
"So this may be just another wild goose chase?"
"No, look at it as an adventure, or broadening your horizons."
I laughed, "Ok, sure I can do that. You know me, miss submissive, I took your invitation tonight just to please you."
She smiled, "Yes."
"That's all? You don't have anything else to say?"
"No Sue. I think you should just go with us and see for yourself. We invited you tonight because they are having a "newcomers" get together."
"If I go to this place, what will be expected of me?"
"Nothing, you just go and mingle."
"I can do that. There isn't wild sex going on in the background or anything is there?"
She smiled, "Sometimes in special rooms you can watch others."
"WHAT?"
"Oh stop it Sue, just get your purse and let's go have fun tonight."
I grabbed my purse and walked out the door with her. Her husband quietly followed without saying a word. We walked to their car. He opened the back door for me to get in then did the same for her to sit in the front with him. I sat and thought about the little interlude at my apartment.
"Do they really have a place you can watch people having sex!?!?"
They both laughed. Her husband spoke for the first time. "Some people are into voyeurism."
"Ok, and voyeurism means they like to watch."
"Yes, but some people enjoy having public sex meaning that they get off on being watched."
"Shit, I get nervous if someone comes to the door and I'm in my pajamas."
He startled me, "Even if you don't like being watched, do you enjoy watching?"
"I, um, I have never been given the opportunity."
"Tonight you will."
Suddenly I was speechless... imagine that. Laura may work with me but I have never told her that I rent adult DVD's and watch them on occasion. It isn't exactly something that comes up in conversation at work.
Come to think of it, this entire evening Laura has acted differently than she does at work. A work she is all business, but tonight I notice a more loving side to her, toward her husband. Even when he has visited her at work it hasn't been like tonight. I suppose because of the environment, but somehow it is different.
We arrived and parked. I got out and smoothed my dress ready to embark on a new journey. I felt nervous.
"Do I look ok?"
Laura reassured me, "You look beautiful Sue," she smiled.
Grabbing my hand, she held it while the three of us walked toward the building in front of us. There was no marquee, just a blank building front with a number on the door. They buzzed to enter and announced their name. The door buzzed, allowing us inside. We entered a foyer area with a guest registry book, as well as a member's book. Laura told me to sign in, while they did the same. I didn't know what to expect, I just followed their lead.
We saw others along the way, all dressed similar to us in evening attire. So far so good, I didn't see anyone in chains yet. When we got closer to the lounge area I could hear voices and laughter. Several people were standing and sitting when we arrived. A woman greeted us, then pointed to the table with finger foods and beverages.