My name is Eric. No, that's not my real name and I don't look especially Scandinavian. I'm in my late thirties and reasonably fit – I work out regularly – but other than that I'm pretty much an average looking guy. Five ten, not short but not too tall, brown hair, eyes. In a crowd you wouldn't pick me out, I look like just another guy.
Nevertheless, in the last ten years I've enjoyed a relatively endless stream of beautiful women each of whom strive with every fiber of their being to please me in any manner I want, sexually, housework, dating, whatever.
So how is this possible? Well, a combination of pure blind luck and hard work and study. Nothing any other guy couldn't manage if he wanted. I am a well known Dom in a large Midwest city. I am a member of several BDSM groups and clubs in our area and nationally.
I've always found females to be a fascinating subject. I say "always", possibly not when I was three years old but for as long as I can remember I've been attracted to them. I never went through that "hating girls" phase some boys go through. Dating in high school was the same awkward fumbling experience it is for most guys. College was a little better, but through every interaction I had with a female, from the sexy nymphet who let me play with her body to the lunch lady I wanted to learn more, to understand their seemingly unexplainable behavior.
So, I studied psychology in college and later in grad school. Got a PhD, became a certified psychologist. Began seeing patients.
I stumbled on the BDSM aspect of sex more or less accidentally. A girlfriend put her hands over her head, wrists together, when I entered her (a lot of females do this). Of course the natural thing, what I later learned they were inviting me to do, was to grab her wrists on one hand, hold her tightly, giving the illusion of capture and control.
I began noticing she would leave women's magazines laying around opened to articles about bondage or domination. Guys you probably don't realize how mush these things are written about in Glamour or even Ladies Home Journal. I finally took the hint and brought some soft rope over to her apartment late one night. I had a key; I let myself in being very quiet. Tiptoed into her room. She was so beautiful lying there in the moonlight from the open window, sleeping peacefully.
I took off my clothes. She came awake with a start when I knelt over her body. I had one of her pillowcases in my hand; I quickly pulled that over her head and grabbed her wrists. She struggled and cried as I bound her wrists together, then ran the rope under the headboard and tied it.
She was still struggling as I tied her ankles one by one to the footboard. She was spread, helpless now, still struggling. I'd had trouble tying her with all her struggling but thinking back on it she could have fought a lot harder and she squealed a few times but never screamed.
I got a pair of scissors, cut her nightgown and panties off. Damn it was hot, seeing her body writhing below me! I entered her; she was incredibly wet. Her hips rose to meet mine; a few strokes and she went stiff, moaning as her first orgasm washed over her. I came fairly rapidly after that but not before she'd had two more.
I removed the pillowcase, untied her. She never said a thing, just hugged me as I kissed her sweetly. She fell asleep in my arms.
That was the first of many encounters in which I dominated or humiliated a female. These days I meet girls in bars as any single man would. Some of these meetings turn into domination, others not. In addition, I act as a "training Dom" for some of the BDSM clubs. In this capacity I train both females to be submissive and males in how to be dominant. I also council singles and couples in my psychiatry practice. Some of these are dominant relationships, others not.
Lately I've been reading posts on an erotic website bulletin board. The tone of these posts tell me two things: First, a lot of females wish to be submissives and are searching for a dominant male; and second, a lot of guys think they'd enjoy being that dominant male but don't know how to go about it. So this series of essays is my attempt to help the guys.
So, take this for what you will. I am not the first last and only expert on human relationships and should not be seen as such. I am sharing what I have learned in my own relationships. Use this as you will or ignore it if you want, your choice.
The female brain
First thing, guys: Girls are different than us. This may seem obvious, they are all soft and warm and smaller than we are but the real difference between the genders is mental. Take a perfectly good brain, marinate it in testosterone, and it will see the world differently than that same brain if pickled in estrogen. Then add the hormonal fluctuations women go through and you have a really different situation.
Girls are not visual as we are. Guys see something cute, they want to jump it. Girls are more auditory, meaning they perceive the world more through verbal expression. So, they get turned on by words more than what they see. And since sound travels slower than light it takes them longer to go through the process, longer to get turned on.
The lesson here is, and this is true of ANY male/female relationship, not just a D/s one, is you must be patient, allow her to get into her "head space", and prepare ahead of time. Girls are also not as impulsive as guys, they need planning and preparation.
The Dominant manifesto
Next, guys, you need to think about your responsibilities as a dominant. I mean, looking down at a beautiful female on her knees with your dick in her mouth is a real turnon but are you ready to defend her, even sacrifice your life for her? If not, save yourself the grief and go spend a hundred bucks on a hooker to give you that bj the wife just won't do.
So here are my list of things every dom should know and agree to:
Trust: No girl will spend time with you alone if she doesn't trust you. This means you must say what you do and do what you say. You must always honor her limits without question. If she says no blow job, no way, no how, you must accept that and not try to wheedle her into agreeing. And, you must commit to always being on time with her. If you tell her you'll pick her up at 8 this means 8, not 8:05. Say it, mean it!
Protection: You must commit to protecting her always, up to and including sacrificing your life for hers if necessary. You will be putting her in some scary situations; she has to know she will not be harmed by others or arrested. Or at least if arrested you will bail her out.
Service: Yes, you are the dominant, and yes she must do as you say, but make no mistake: Its all about her, her needs, her wants. Find out what she needs and do it. If you cant serve her needs let her go, let her find someone who can. So in a real sense she is controlling you.
A few corollaries will become obvious, but here are a couple. First, find out how to make her cum, give her regular orgasms, and she will never willingly leave you. Second, never underestimate the importance of chocolate to a female. Invest in some good high end chocolate, keep it handy, feed her some from time to time, and make certain she knows it. This last is one female mystery I have no understanding of. Does estrogen trigger this need for chocolate? Yes, but why?
Who knows.
A story
Here is an example of slowly bringing a girl along, with the eventual goal of making her my slave while providing her the intense humiliation she needed and craved. This happened several years ago in a city I lived in at the time. And in case you think the girl was some fat helpless pig: She was a former runner up for Miss Arkansas. She had finished college and gone on to get her MBA at Harvard. At the time we met she had just been promoted to vice president of a well known corporation.
She was no skank – although she clearly wished to become a slut slave.
She was a nice blonde, I usually prefer brunettes but she was really cute, nice personality, bubbly, full of life. We met at a club, went to dinner a week later. When she looked down whenever I'd stare into her eyes I knew she'd do whatever I wanted and sure enough we had sex that night. It was good, vanilla but good as was the repeat that morning and on our second date a few days later.
She'd quickly become comfortable with me. I picked her up at her apartment for our third date, held the car door for her. As she moved to get in I kissed her, a long lasting kiss. When it ended I gently spun her around, pulled her wrists behind her, and handcuffed her.
She started to protest, but I whispered, "Trust me" in her ear. I helped her into the car, buckled her seat belt, and off we went.
She was very quiet during the ride. I noticed she kept her head down, eyes on the floorboard, always a good sign. When we got to the restaurant I parked, uncuffed her, and we went inside and had dinner
I didn't say anything about the handcuffs. The sex that night was especially hot. She was so wet and open like the old joke, I should have nailed a board to my ass to keep from falling in. She came in less than a minute then again before I entered her. I held her wrists together over her head, pumped slowly in and out. She turned into a wildcat, writhing and moaning as she came again and again. I left her an hour later, sound asleep as I let myself out the front door.
A comment from a submissive woman:
What I think young men fail to grasp is the underlying attraction of submission for a woman. While it carries a certain sexual overtone, that of being "wanted" by a man, there is a deeper attraction. This deeper attraction being my being willing to follow almost any expectation of my Dom, regardless of how difficult or degrading it may be, If I feel 1.) That I am his most precious possession and he intends to treat me as such; and 2.) That my devotion will give him his greatest pleasure.
If I feel those two thing, I would do anything for my man
So I waited four days before I called her, I wanted to allow time for what had happened to sink in. When I called and made a date I asked if she owned a front closure bra.
"Yes, I have several," she replied, clearly puzzled, "but why..."
"You'll see, trust me," I interrupted.
When I picked her up for our date I handcuffed her again, again I helped her into the passenger seat and buckled her in. She made no objection until I got in, closed my door, and began unbuttoning her shirt.
