In Too Deep

I told you up front. You can't say you didn't know. I learned long ago about myself. I have a fetish? Craving? Need? What will you call it?

I know well enough to tell women I date more than once about my little "problem" before it looks like things might get serious. By the time I'm thinking I want to spend more time with them and they're thinking I'm the perfect guy for them (time to meet mom and dad), it's really too late for them to believe my problem is real and needs their commitment. Or if they believe, they have to adjust to whether its right for them or not. Most often, they love the idea but later have difficulty with the reality.

I told you before the first date. I told you when you wrote me back and still thought I was a really nice guy. Over the past month and bunch of letters, you've discerned that I meant what I said. It's been interesting, your reactions. The usual "that sounds very nice". Followed by nervous questioning. I've told you the same thing every time. I mean it. I am not mean or violent. In fact, I believe very strongly that violence and sex are very different issues and a blending of these is pathological in nature. Violence does have a gratification all its own, but this is self limiting and in the end frustrating and dysgenic. Sexual fulfillment is limited only by the imagination, partnering and utilization. People confuse these so readily because they are unable to understand their needs and seek fulfillment.

You've been hurt before. You wanted this but had found someone who believed that dominance meant violence. You didn't get the hint when he began your association with humiliation. Your latest ad (you couldn't stay away from it, couldn't remain in "vanilla" relationships) had more than four hundred responses -- all but two describing some type of violence, hinting darkly or demanding compliance. How bizarre is the world of men and women? So you've been shy and spookish. I told you I was patient at the beginning and I meant it.

It's about absolute gratification. It's about being so completely and utterly sated as we lie in each other's arms at the end of our lovemaking that we care nothing more about the world nor anything connected with it.

The questions were almost funny as they came in piece by piece. I explained it all to you because truly, for me, that is part of it. Part of the anticipation. You depicted to me how my descriptions made you feel: trepidation, excitement, uncertainty. Again, these are all part of it. I believe this is the road to delight. It's the same road we take to adventure. At the heart of all of it is this craving you have. Despite your best thoughts and efforts to the contrary or unconsciously, your panties have been wet every time we have talked about our future escapades.

I told you every step of the way. Why now are you so surprised? Why are you shaking with... what? Fear? Perhaps it's need. I told you and I meant it that that reaction would only turn me on all the more and drive me further and further.

So that's how we started. Patience is one of my stronger suits and I utilized it fully. I can't help it. It feels so much better when the climax is reached -- or many of them. Anticipation. Excitement. Craving. Avoidance. You said it one time. "That sounds like an addiction."

I told you, then, "if it's good and worth it, it is." You were anticipating the first time so intensely you were incredibly easy to let down. Barely a touch to your face and you shivered. I could see your eyes when I wouldn't come closer to you. Made you talk. Most of the date. Made you walk with me -- you were wondering why the zoo. It seemed awfully crude as far as symbolism went. In spring. With the animals rutting and the feel of hormones in the air. So completely blatant and overpowering you were almost ill.

Still, you wanted my touch. You wanted me to do the things I had described to you. Each accidental brush was magnified and illuminated. We only made half the zoo that day and talked endlessly about philosophy and psychology. Politics and conservation. You were an absolute delight. I've told you over and over I want a partner. Someone as smart and capable as I am. I want my best friend. Lovers I've had and could have and would have and will have. Partners are hard to find.

Such anticipation you had and yet at the end of the date you were so pleased you wanted the next. Right away. Unfortunately -- or as a matter of timing -- I was busy for the next week. The second date was two weeks and numerous conversations apart. We even chatted about the symbolism of the zoo visit and the crudity. I explained to you how I see humans as having unsatisfied animal sides to us. How meeting all our needs makes us human at last. You asked if spanking was an animal act. We laughed.

The second date was much more bland, yet more intimate and exciting. A simple picnic at the park. A gentle breeze and a walk holding hands. I fed you strawberries and whispered how I will one day feed them to you as you lie in restraints, blindfolded and wondering what will be pressed to your lips next. I fed you a piece of pineapple then and followed it with a bit of kiwi. What a joy it was to be with you! So many of your dates have wanted you as public as they could get you, just to show you off or get reaction. I told you from the beginning that I don't mind just having kinky sex but that if you were truly the one I wanted that I would have you as mine. Fully mine. Then we would see the world as though from eyes shared. We wrote a poem together that date and my hands talked to you. Told you how they were going to make you feel.

I am astounded again at how careful I was to make certain you understood what I would do to you and exactly how, yet you still show such complete surprise that it's like you didn't know what you were getting into. You whimper and flinch and shake and shiver. The first time I stopped, you cried out. You knew I would. You knew that I would employ a reward and punishment system I worked out with you bit by bit. I talked you through the entire process! How are you so shocked and, yes, resistant? It truly is addiction, isn't it? Craving and avoiding both the reward and the punishment and at the same time. All the nice, pleasant dates, they were all about finding exactly these two triggers. I told you that.

The fourth date when I gave you that massage. Were I an overage adolescent or impatient at all I would have taken you right then and there. You wanted it so bad! I can still envision your ass slightly raised in offering. The muscles of your thighs twitching in desire. The dripping from your glistening petals. It's making me all the harder, remembering. I did want you then. I wanted you more just as you are now. Shocked at the depth. Lost in confusion, yet needing more and never as certain of anything. Such a beautiful, wonderful, capable woman. Such a mush of whimpering, delighted, quivering hope.

Such talks we had! Travels into the very depths of our souls. Journeys hand in hand through the dredge and mire of our past and into the clouded hopes and dreams of our futures -- and especially our time to come together. I told you how the first time would go. We talked about how you wanted to be taken. How you wanted to feel secure that you were taking me as well. We talked about how that would feel. What triggers would make it come true.

You knew, then, how your ass, squirming in the air, freshly red from the belt laid across it would turn me on. You knew how hard I would be watching your juices drip from your swollen pussy lips. How excited it would make me to spank them lightly with the tip of the leather and even slip it inside you until it became as wet as my cock would soon be. How slipping the leather between your lips and letting your teeth bite into it as my cock forced its way into your grasping opening. Seeing you lick the soaked leather of my belt as my cock shoved its way into you in one hard push made me shove so hard I felt the end of your pussy stop up against the head of my rock hard spear. Your cry was all the more satisfying and drove me to more and harder thrusts until I could feel your orgasm building and the same inside me.

When I suddenly pulled out and slapped your ass with my hand your cry made my cock jump of its own volition. Oh and how incredible your tongue felt lapping at the juices slathered upon it! As you licked and sucked at me, giving me jolts of delight, I took your hands and tied them together. You hadn't had that before but you welcomed it, turned on as you were and knowing what I would do and how it would make me feel. Your greatest desire at that point was to give me the greatest joy and seeing this in your eyes gave me such pleasure!

Hours later and the countless times you were brought to the edge of orgasm only to come crashing back or to be released slowly with words and caresses. The desire to please remains in your eyes, tempered by nervousness -- even despair. All the times you've taken my cock in your mouth or deep inside, hoping this time to feel the explosion you desire as much as your own release. When given the smooth hardness, you attack it with desperation and moan when it's taken back from you. How delicious I find you! Even knowing what I would do to you and how I wanted you, still the reality is amazing to you. The feeling of such deep and utter need and abandon.

I loved the shivers that took you as I lead you here, to the barn. The goose bumps that engulfed your flesh when I tied you to the post and spread your legs, tying them to the rings in the floor, apart and wide. My cock throbbed in rhythmic pleasure as I watched our juices dripping from your open, swollen blossom onto the strewn hay. I lapped at them hungrily, nearly forgetting myself as you moved right to the peak of orgasm. It was only just in time that I pulled my lips from your silken pussy.

Now here you are, the riding crop drenched with your juices, your ass red and heated, on the edge of orgasm and my cock about to slam into you. I think this time you are too far to the climax. This time when my cock buries itself in your sopping, grasping, delectable pussy, to the very base. This time when my balls smack your clit, you will cum with wild and vicious abandon. I can feel already, the same in myself. That your throes will send me beyond return. That, unable to hold back any more, I will fill your soul with my need. Our merger will complete.