I Wonder If You Really Know

I wonder, will you master me this evening? Will you not only dominate me, but give me reason to submit to you? Submission isn't easy, you see, and the only reason for doing so is love.

We both know you like to master me, and I like to be mastered. We know you like to hurt me, we know I can find pleasure in pain. Sometimes I do wonder how much....

Your idea of finding a third to join us is becoming intriguing for just that reason: It means my surrender to you. You have no idea how the idea of surrender melts me. The idea of surrender- tender touches and terse commands, sharp pain followed by soft, loving praise- is what I crave. "Do this, because I told you to do this. Yes, very good...." That is what I need.

I need to be mastered by someone who loves me, who will take pleasure from me, who will enjoy using me. I need to hear that my desire, my pain, my need is perfect, just what you want. Do you realize I love the idea of being spanked, hard, so that my bottom turns red and burns- spanked not as punishment, so much as that you enjoy the sight of me squirming on your lap, you like watching my ass pinkening and then reddening, that the sounds I make turn your cock into a hot steel rod. I like the idea of being spanked and being told how pleased you are with me, that you like spanking me and that I will be spanked whenever you wish to spank me.

I like the idea of you telling me that you are going to hurt me when you do thus and such to me, and that you will enjoy it. I long to hear you telling me I will take the pain you give to me by doing something because you want it so; that this time I must bear it silently, and now this time I may cry out. That you will hold me or tie me or punish me if I do not do this thing as you wish. And the opposite of that- that you will praise me if I do as you wish, reward me with a bit of simple pleasure if I am compliant- is necessary, too.

And, oh! The very idea of never knowing which touch will be pure pleasure- gentle fingers on my nipples, long, loving strokes along my sides and hips, shivering licks up the small of my back and the nape of my neck- and which will bring sharp gasps of pain- cruel pinches on those tender nipples, bites to the sides of my breasts, stinging smacks on the cheeks of my bottom- is an absolute turn-on. It is not simply that I receive pleasure from pain- or that I wish to be simply used with no regard; it is that I wish you to give me tender pain, loving pain, sweetly pleasurable pain along with soft, sweet gentle touches. The paradox of pleasure and pain is all in the mix.

And the mix depends upon me knowing what you want of me, what I am doing to you. That is the paradox you face: Making me a slave to you, to use as you wish, while ensuring I know how much I please you. I love the idea of you slipping a hand between my legs and checking to see how wet I am and telling me that I am doing just as you wish by being so turned-on. To have you touch me, slide a finger along the slippery length of me, and then hear you say "That's good, Baby, very, very good, you're so nice and wet for me", is enough to make me squirm right now. Being good for you is the turn-on for me.

It's the reason I can allow you to take my ass. Being positioned so vulnerably is difficult enough- especially knowing what is going to happen next. The idea of you preparing me- describing how you will be slow and gentle at first because you know having your huge, hard cock slid into my ass hurts me so very much, feeling your fingers stretching and wetting my ass in preparation as you give pleasure to my nipples or clit to distract me, commanding me to slide lubricant onto your cock so you can sink in easily, instructing me to turn around and ready myself to take your cock in my ass- all while being, not mean or selfish, but lovingly commanding, is what I want. To know you relish my cries and sighs and moans and even fear, is what I need. It is the paradox of being spoken to like a beloved treasure, yet used solely for your pleasure, which I dream of when you are not near me.

You have a submissive wife, my Love; will you not master her soon?