The last thing I feel is ok. Mentally I am exhausted. I'm in my mind 24/7 and I want to escape. You look into my tired eyes, my exhaustion. You know I've spent weeks pushing myself as hard as I can at work, at the gym, working myself to the bone trying to stay sane. I haven't slept more than a few hours in days and I'm slowly burning my light out taking sleeping pills to assist with those restless nights. I don't want to rely on them tonight, I can't feel anything when I do, just melancholy emptiness. I lose those primal needs that keep a person going in any direction. It has been weeks and I can't feel anything intensely; I can't feel imaginative, I can't feel sad, I can't feel love and I can't feel attraction, it's almost completely numbed out of me. I thought it was a good idea to keep you away from my problems, to keep you away from me being reckless, but hiding my needs is reckless. I'm hurting and just for tonight I need to leave my mind and be in my physical body, I need you.
I ask for the chains. You nod, always aware this was something I needed, yet rarely asked for. Something we've talked about in-depth and meddled with. You sling them over the support beam on the ceiling. I collect and place everything I want on a table nearby. I leave the choice, timing, and usage to your discretion, you know what you're doing, and I don't want to think. You wait as I strip to just my suspenders and thigh highs, my body is cold in the winter air, my nipples perky and my bare ass and thighs prickling with goose bumps. I know I will not feel it in a moment, the cold, inside and out the world will be gone.
You pull me in for a hug, its long and secure. Warmth emanates from your being. Your hands don't wander, they just hold me, there's nothing but trust, you'll be there the whole time with me. I feel your clothes against my naked skin, I feel your chest rise and fall for what could be an eternity. This is always how it starts, security, reassurance, comfort.
"I'm ready" I muffle softy into your chest.
You raise my chin up and kiss my forehead.
"I've got you, I will always have you." You whisper as you place the blindfold over my eyes and tie the back. The world plummets into darkness, that's one sense gone, one thing I don't have to think about. Images of your smile and laugh still dance across my mind, your so entrenched in there, always making me smile, always laughing and playing around, always doing what you can to make my life better, to make me happy. Tonight, ever since I asked for this, you've been solemn, there's a duty to being my darling, like a soldier holding the line; you are defending me from the monster within myself.
Words become simple now. "Gag?" You ask, I nod and open my mouth. The ball slides into my mouth and I hear your footsteps as you move behind me to clasp the buckle. There's solace in silence. Two senses down. I'm always compelled to talk through silence, this binds and frees me simultaneously.
You place a marble in one of my hands "drop this and I'll stop everything" the crack of the marble against the tile floor is loud enough when I can't speak, you place a plastic ball in my other hand "drop this to release the gag". I clasp my hands and nod, I have no idea if I'm looking at you, I nod to the darkness. "hands out", I stretch both my arms out in front of me, you run your hand down from my shoulders to my wrists feeling my skin, your hands are warm and strong. You affix and buckle the cuffs to each wrist; I hear the familiar click of the clasp between the restraints being connected.
"Are you ready?"
I nod again to the disembodied voice in the darkness, it's still yours, that voice, fuck, I will always trust you completely. You place a hand on my waist and the other raises my wrists. Click. Three senses gone; I can't fight back but I'm safe.
My arms are now attached to the chain, it's high enough my arms are fully raised but not so high that I must stand on my toes.