I Need You

The last thing I feel is ok. Mentally I am exhausted. I'm in my mind 24/7 and I want to escape. You look into my tired eyes, my exhaustion. You know I've spent weeks pushing myself as hard as I can at work, at the gym, working myself to the bone trying to stay sane. I haven't slept more than a few hours in days and I'm slowly burning my light out taking sleeping pills to assist with those restless nights. I don't want to rely on them tonight, I can't feel anything when I do, just melancholy emptiness. I lose those primal needs that keep a person going in any direction. It has been weeks and I can't feel anything intensely; I can't feel imaginative, I can't feel sad, I can't feel love and I can't feel attraction, it's almost completely numbed out of me. I thought it was a good idea to keep you away from my problems, to keep you away from me being reckless, but hiding my needs is reckless. I'm hurting and just for tonight I need to leave my mind and be in my physical body, I need you.

I ask for the chains. You nod, always aware this was something I needed, yet rarely asked for. Something we've talked about in-depth and meddled with. You sling them over the support beam on the ceiling. I collect and place everything I want on a table nearby. I leave the choice, timing, and usage to your discretion, you know what you're doing, and I don't want to think. You wait as I strip to just my suspenders and thigh highs, my body is cold in the winter air, my nipples perky and my bare ass and thighs prickling with goose bumps. I know I will not feel it in a moment, the cold, inside and out the world will be gone.

You pull me in for a hug, its long and secure. Warmth emanates from your being. Your hands don't wander, they just hold me, there's nothing but trust, you'll be there the whole time with me. I feel your clothes against my naked skin, I feel your chest rise and fall for what could be an eternity. This is always how it starts, security, reassurance, comfort.

"I'm ready" I muffle softy into your chest.

You raise my chin up and kiss my forehead.

"I've got you, I will always have you." You whisper as you place the blindfold over my eyes and tie the back. The world plummets into darkness, that's one sense gone, one thing I don't have to think about. Images of your smile and laugh still dance across my mind, your so entrenched in there, always making me smile, always laughing and playing around, always doing what you can to make my life better, to make me happy. Tonight, ever since I asked for this, you've been solemn, there's a duty to being my darling, like a soldier holding the line; you are defending me from the monster within myself.

Words become simple now. "Gag?" You ask, I nod and open my mouth. The ball slides into my mouth and I hear your footsteps as you move behind me to clasp the buckle. There's solace in silence. Two senses down. I'm always compelled to talk through silence, this binds and frees me simultaneously.

You place a marble in one of my hands "drop this and I'll stop everything" the crack of the marble against the tile floor is loud enough when I can't speak, you place a plastic ball in my other hand "drop this to release the gag". I clasp my hands and nod, I have no idea if I'm looking at you, I nod to the darkness. "hands out", I stretch both my arms out in front of me, you run your hand down from my shoulders to my wrists feeling my skin, your hands are warm and strong. You affix and buckle the cuffs to each wrist; I hear the familiar click of the clasp between the restraints being connected.

"Are you ready?"

I nod again to the disembodied voice in the darkness, it's still yours, that voice, fuck, I will always trust you completely. You place a hand on my waist and the other raises my wrists. Click. Three senses gone; I can't fight back but I'm safe.

My arms are now attached to the chain, it's high enough my arms are fully raised but not so high that I must stand on my toes.

"I will start soft and get harder, release the gag any time you wish but I would like to hear you squeal if you feel comfortable at any point. Do you consent to this? nod please" I do so immediately, I want this more than anything.

I hear your boots as you pace, deciding what to use, after a moment I feel your presence behind me again. Ridged leather slides down my right arm, a crop I can only assume, it traces my body gently leaving goosebumps in its wake, over every curve, my breasts, my waist, hips, my ass and down my legs, you tap the inside of my right ankle gently with it and I widen my stance. My legs now spread you trace up my inner thighs, it would tickle if I wasn't so on edge waiting for that first jolt of pain. You're teasing me, the pain doesn't come, just silence and your footsteps. I hear a smaller chain then feel your warm breath on my chest, you kiss, suck, and pinch each nipple before gently attaching a clamp, I feel the screws tightening, enough to keep them on, not enough to hurt. I feel the cold connecting chain drape against my stomach. The heat finally begins inside me, the anticipation starting to mess with my body.

The crop is back against my skin, sliding down my back, I shiver. It finally happens, the first bite of it stinging my ass, the pain is minimal but the build-up makes me jump and squeak as best I can with the ball still firmly in my mouth and my arms restrained. You trace up my back down to my ass then slap, 5 times, then down my thigh and back up, slap, 5 times slightly harder. I muffle my appreciation as I feel my pussy instantly wet.

Silence in the darkness again. Breathing on the back of my neck suddenly, followed by a kiss on my shoulder blade, it's as if your only heard when you want to be. I feel what can only be a leather flogger drop its tails down my back. I remember showing you how to use one. You use slight flick of the wrist causing the tails to dance and impact each side of my back, harder each time, still not hard enough but I feel myself letting go of my stance, the rhythmic pace, the cautious yet steady hand, slowly getting harder with each whip. I lean forward against the cuffs to enjoy the impacts, my ass raised slightly. Instantly you return to it with the crop, harder again this time, tracing my back then slap. I can feel the redness left by each hit, my back and ass warm, the cold night air is no longer a factor, my skin is warm, my mind is calming, my pussy is almost dripping. You trace my inner thigh one last time with the crop then slap my ass suddenly and ruthlessly with your hand, I let out a muffled giggle, you steal a slight grasp of appreciation and I feel the first drip of my own wetness down my leg.

Silence.

You're in front of me again, I feel the clamps tighten on my nipples, the sensation is indescribable coupled with the mild throbbing of the hand print on my ass, I arch my back revelling in it. "Don't you dare move" you whisper in my ear. Only one object comes with that command, I freeze instantly, ass raised, back arched, hanging by my wrists from the ceiling, only now do I realise the drool dripping from the ball gag down my front and the absolute honey running down my thighs. Still, I obey.

Cold sharp steel runs from my neck down my chest and around my waist, your pressing hard enough to leave a mark, yet not enough to slice my skin, goosebumps follow where the knife traces around my torso before stopping at my suspenders.

"You're wearing too many clothes" You're breathing warm against my skin as you trail down my body, slipping the knife under each of the four clips to my thigh highs, easily freeing them before tracing it back to my waist, the cold steel flat against my hip as you slide it under the waist band and gently slice through the silk, I hear the suspenders hit the ground.

"You like this too much, I can see the mess you've made" you whisper again with a hint of smugness.

I feel the crop at my ankle again, sliding it slowly up the inside of my leg. I can tell its dripping before it gets to my knee, I knew I was wet, but I hadn't realised just how very ready I was. "You can move again, your safe" you say, kissing my neck one last time. I wiggle my ass in anticipation and antagonization, you laugh.

"One" Crack. What I can only guess is a leather paddle slaps my ass suddenly and brutally, I buck and flinch, shock and exhilaration filling me.

"Two" Crack. The other side, always keeping it even, I moan and drool, this was the pain I desired, finally.

"Three" Crack. As the count continues, I can feel my ass swelling, my cunt swelling, my breath hastening. Each hit harder and harder. "Nine" I am burning skin and swollen welts. "Ten" my knees buckle for a moment; I know the restraints can catch me. Not hesitating you swoop an arm around my waist, holding me on my feet, I'm not sure when you removed your shirt but I can feel your bare chest again my back for a moment, cooler then my skin for once, still your belt buckle pressing into me, I can feel you're hard beneath, the idea that you're enjoying this as much as me swims in my drowning mind, you use one hand to pat my hair while you make sure I stand again before stepping back, so much care taken to delivering pain.

I choose to drop the plastic ball, I need to breath freely, I need to yelp and moan. Standing in front of me you release the buckle on the ball gag also unclipping the nipple clamps, taking a moment to caress and suckle each breast, I moan in appreciation of the duality of pleasure and pain. I am now left with only the darkness of the blindfold.

Your voice echoes in the darkness "look at you, my beautiful mess, your so broken, covered in your own drool and desperation, what am I going to do with you?" your hand sliding up my thigh to my dripping wetness, gently rubbing over my clit as I squirm. "You like this too much, my monster" you sigh before sliding your fingers into my mouth as if to prove a point, I suck them clean before saying one word. "Burn" I feel the tension rise, maybe I imagine it, I'm drunk with pain at this point. I hear the shuffle of shoes again and a lighter click. You return a moment later "we'll have to wait, let me warm you up" the flogger slaps down on my back, as hard as the paddle, each lash wrapping its knotted tail around my waist and breasts, I gasp, clench my teeth and moan through them as each of ten hits engulf my body, stinging, marking, I'm excited to feel this pain resonate on my body tomorrow, remembering the warm marks of you. Just you and the pain, that's all there is in the world. If I could slip my restraints, I would drop you to the ground and fuck you on the spot, I'm aching to be filled. "Please" I beg "be inside me when you do it". I hear you unbuckle your belt, I knew it was coming before it hit, the leather of your belt cracking across my ass, harder than anything to hit tonight, I release a deep animalistic scream of masochistic pleasure followed by a giggle, you always go for the belt but it wouldn't be right without it.

"Not yet, but it's almost time" you tease me, I feel the first drip of candle wax on my upper back, I breath heavily, drip, drip, drip, down my back. The level of absolute calm I feel as each drop lands, dopamine firing in my brain, nothing exists as each drop of wax cools into tiny flecks, my skin is tight and alive beneath, more and more until it pools in the small of my back.

"Fuck me" I beg again, when the last drop lands. "Please, it's the last thing I need, I need you, I need to see you, I need to fuck you" I plead almost crying with need. I see the blind fold drop, your standing in front of me, one glance is all I need, that face, that body, desperate eyes and throbbing cock. I don't think, I don't hesitate, I use what is left of my strength to lift my legs up wrapping them around your waist, my wrists pinching and bruising in their restraints, you catch my legs, sliding yourself inside while supporting me as I use the bindings to assist with riding you, I need you more than I've ever needed anything, griding against you, pulling you as deep as I can with my legs firmly around you, I'd been so wet, so swollen, so desperate for this. I'm slipping in my own juices but holding on out of sheer desperation. We fuck like this, hard, deep, you are holding my ass, the chain holding my arms as I grind into you, faces so close, breathing fast, gasping each other's moans, for what feels like forever, I'm desperate to cum but I'm not getting there without you. "I'm so close" you gasp, the words I have been dying it hear, fucking my pussy raw always pushes you to the edge, I love it. You stop suddenly, pulling away swiftly. Why?

I drop the glass ball I have clutched so tightly for the past eternity, the moment it hits the ground you instinctively reach up and unclasp my wrists, at this point it's a built-in reflex for you, not knowing the monster that you just released. I'm free and there is only one thing I want. I grab you, dragging you to the floor, pinning you down in the moment before you can regain your senses and stop me, I climb on top, lowering myself inch by inch onto your hard cock. We have a safe word; you don't use it. I've lost all sanity, all thoughts, I need one thing, I need you inside me, I need to feel your cum pulsate deep into me and I'm going to take it from you, I ride you with desperation, we aren't using protection but It doesn't matter at all to me in this moment, this is primal, I need it, and there was nothing you could do to stop it

"I.. I can't... I need to pull out..." you strain to even say it

"Don't. You. Dare." I grit through my teeth, my grip tightens, my pussy relentless, each movement pulling you deeper and deeper inside me, harder, faster, thirstier, I take you. "I'm going to .... fuuuuck" your voice is choked with the throws of orgasm, and exactly what I want to hear, the second I feel your cum being pumped into me, it sends my body into a full sensory overload, I cum with you, so intensely screaming with pleasure, my cunt gripping with each wave of the orgasm, finally contentment filling me with each pulse.

I fall against your chest, keeping you deep inside, sighing, moaning, wave after wave of ecstasy filling my body, milking my own second orgasm out of you with slow and intense movements of my hips, breathing heavily. I finally got what I wanted; I melt right into your chest. Exhaustion hits me instantly, cum drunk, pain and euphoria taking over, I stare up from your chest at your stupid smile. I stay there, your arms wrapped around me, your cock nestled deep inside me, just enjoying the moment.

Eventually you sit me up before swooping me up in a towel.

"You are evil" you smile at me as you say it, carrying me to bed, I'm still wrapped around you, I can't fathom letting go, you're my everything. You lie down slowly leaving me curled up on your chest, pulling my chin up once more, kissing me deeply then looking into my eyes, smiling again as you brush the hair out of my face whispering as I start to doze off "I love you, my evil, always".