Chapter 9
We sit on the couch; we are eating chilli. It is good; spicy and delicious, with a dollop of sour cream on top.
"You can cook," I comment, with some surprise. Doug grins. "I can make three things with competence... spaghetti, chili and a pretty tasty burger. Beyond that, I'm lost, really."
I laugh. We watch TV; we eat our food. Things feel mellow; the storm of the spanking has passed, and it has left calmness behind.
"How are you feeling?" Doug asks, as we finish.
"I'm okay..." I say. The pain has receded; I'm still a little sore, but I'm mostly fine.
"Not exactly what I had planned for you this evening..." Doug says, ruefully.
I'm curious. "What did you have planned?"
"More pleasure." He makes a face at me. "Sara, I think your view is a bit warped..." he says, seriously. "I know the BDSM conventions as well as you -- the kneeling sub, the instant obedience, no talking in the dungeon, blah, blah, blah. They don't work very well for me..."
He takes a sip of beer; continues. "I get the sense you are struggling with this journey..." he says. I'm a little alarmed. He's eerily perceptive.
"Can I tell you the story of my journey?" he asks. "It might help you with yours."
I nod assent.
"I grew up in your typical middle-class family..." he says. "Both my parents worked; they divided chores, it was all very normal and progressive. And then, when I was about thirteen, my cousin Charlotte came to live with us. She was ten; a quiet girl; scared of her own shadow, scared of anything and everything, it seemed."
He takes another sip; puts his arm around my shoulder, pulls me in towards him. I lean on his shoulder; listen to his story.
"Over the course of time, I found out that Charlotte's father was a great believer in corporal punishment. Charlotte was routinely beaten, black and blue, for even the slightest of infractions. When my parents found out, they took her away, brought her to our home instead. Gave her a more loving home."
His voice is wry. "So you can imagine, with that history, how torn I was when I started my sexual journey, and found out I liked to spank women. How much I hated myself for what I wanted."
This is... interesting. He's right; the story of his journey is helping; the fact that he has struggled with his desires is actually reassuring. I don't want to ever date someone who thinks men spanking women is the natural order of things; I want to date someone who's introspective enough about this need, and who's thoughtful enough to realize that there's a balance between control and respect.
"Over time, I've come to terms with this need." His voice is level; a slight inflection at the word need. "The way I can live with myself is that I've realized -- this need of mine, it is entirely sexual, and nothing else. Outside of the dungeon, I have not the slightest desire to be anyone's master, to control every aspect of someone's life. If I had that desire, I don't think I'd be able to deal with it very well..."
Another sip of beer; a slight pause. "Plus," his voice is lighter now, "my mother will flay me alive if she thinks I'm disrespecting a woman in any way, and I'm petrified of my mother." He sounds indulgent, not petrified.
"That's what I want from you -- control in the dungeon. Nowhere else."
"What do you want from me in the dungeon?" I ask. "What am I expected to do? How am I expected to address you?"
He sighs. He's exasperated again. "No preconceived notions, please. You can call me whatever you want." He pauses; searching for the right words. "In the dungeon, I'll lay out the rules at the start of a scene, and I'd like you to follow the rules. If you follow the rules, you'll get rewarded. If you break the rules, you'll get punished. But that's just the scene. What happens there doesn't spill over outside the dungeon; what happens outside doesn't transfer to the dungeon."
I take it in. He's said this to me a few times, in various ways. Intellectually, I believe him, but I guess in my heart of hearts, I'm still a little hesitant. It all sounds a bit too good to be true; he's good looking; he wants to spank me; but yet treat me with utter respect; I'm waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under my feet.
But for the moment, I'm here; my ass is not throbbing in pain; and it has been days since I've orgasmed. I'm leaning against his bare chest, and the heat from his body is a warm embrace. I look at him.
"Can we go back to the dungeon?" I ask.
In response, he stands up, pulls me up. "Sure, let's go downstairs," he agrees.
***
I make a resolution as I walk down the stairs. I will give myself to Doug fully, willingly, sexually. Beyond that, I'm still doubtful; still afraid. But here in the dungeon, I am his to do what he will.
***
"Take off your t-shirt; stand in the middle, hands behind your back." Doug's voice is firm. I obey quickly, moving to the spot he's indicated. He moves around; opening closets and dressers; grabbing objects from around the dungeon. He then brings them towards me; sets them down on a table off to the side. My eyes fix on the table.
Rope. A flogger. A crop. Nipple clamps. Weights. Handcuffs. A ball gag. A huge butt plug. Cuffs. Spreader bar.
I bite my lips as I look at what he's laid out. My insides churn; my pussy clenches. I can't wait.
"Sara, the rules for this scene." Doug's voice is steady. I meet his eyes.
"You will speak only if spoken to. I'd like you to acknowledge all my instructions verbally. And Sara, you must ask me for permission to orgasm."
I nod. He raises an eyebrow in slight displeasure. Oh. He wants me to acknowledge instructions verbally. "Yes, Doug."
He smiles at me. "Good girl." His voice is approving. "Do you remember your safe word?"
"Yes." I say. Red.