Authors Note:
I have read Literotica for a number of years but this is my first story. There are some autobiographical similarities between me and the main character and I but I have never partaken of any of these activities. Reason why I'm writing this is because well, most of the BDSM stories tend to be on the cruel side, with the dominant degrading the submissive and let's say BDSM is an equation of sorts. B & D attracts me. So does D/s. Not so much the S & M part. And I am reflecting that part of myself in the male character here. In my case a part of myself I've hidden for the longest time (and will gladly still hide) but which a part of me thinks I may have to embrace despite any squeamishness. I chose the name Fidelity for the female character because it's a girl's name and more important than that express what I believe to be the most important component of a romantic relationship, mainly fidelity and a I guess just as good word is loyalty.
I am writing this because so many stories that involve female dominance involve the male being a groveling little wimp, being pushed around, or even being cuckolded.
One thing I assure you, any girlfriend or wife of mine that tries to cuckold me won't be mine for long. In our macho culture, especially where I'm from, men are expected to be the big dogs and big pimps and everything else. I would argue that a man who is willing to let a woman take control for while is showing the ultimate display of masculinity and strength and it's why I'm turned off by all the videos and stories where the man is basically a little wimp bitch being bullied. Why the fuck would you let someone tie you up where you are totally at their fucking mercy if you don't trust them and they will abuse you?
I personally wouldn't and honestly I would want to be in a relationship that is at least 50/50. The idea of being someone's slave does not appeal to me and that whole cliché of Master/Mistress does not either. But because it's a unique perspective and differs from the norm it often doesn't show up in erotica. So I felt like it's a story that deserves to be told. Of a strong, confident man who has no intent of giving up any of that control or being abused being turned on by and more than happy to give over control to a woman for a little while
And I'd say it is an issue because even with the success of 50 Shades that in effect is just a BDSM reaffirmation of patriarchal societal gender roles and the men who are willing to let the female versions of Christian Gray take control are not afforded as much respect. And where this really becomes an issue is say, one partner in a marriage is non-vanilla, the other is very vanilla but goes along with the partner, or maybe even isn't but likes to win.
But they have kids and the have a divorce. Then the partner who initiated it is likely to have it used against them by the wife, be they the submissive or dominant partner and when up to 25% of the population of this country engages in non-vanilla activities they should not have something like this that has no bearing on what their actual character is used in them in family law courts across this country. And yet this is exactly what happens, and why people feel they need to hide it, and why people even in loving relationships won't tell their partners of their needs and that is just sad and needs to change.
So I have to write this anonymously and I don't know if I could have the courage to do here what my male character does, but I feel like it is a story that needs to be written because any true relationship where there is love no partner would find the other weird for expressing a desire and if reasonable out of love would help them explore that part of themselves. If there is actually love there anyway.
I read this site often so I see the cheap comments. In this case if you can't say anything nice here, say nothing at all
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Hello. I'm Lee. I was named after the great Southern general and my life has for the most part followed his example of nobility and grace. I am someone who has always been groomed for leadership and I am someone who always wanted power. I've never wanted power for power's sake. The perks have always attracted me but for me I've always wanted to do something with that power. Why have power if you aren't going to do something worthwhile with it? It's a waste of power and you should share it with someone who'll do something with it.
I don't like to take orders and I'm the kind of person who has always had to be self-employed simply because I need to be the leader and have always made a far better chief than Indian. I like being in control. I like being in charge. I like making the decisions. But there is some truth to the idea that with responsibility comes stress. And my high energy active as can be sometime but need to chillax other times works for me but many folks couldn't handle it. And seen I was a teenager I've had a hidden side to me. I desire to surrender control and let someone else guide me, the man who always has to be in charge and always be the big shot.
And for me, it is not a desire for degradation or anything like that. That actually turns me off. Why any man would let their partner disrespect them or break the marital vow I don't know. The abuse you often see in femdom stories and videos of things like chastity belts, and CBT, etc, have no appeal to me. I have no desire to be abused.
But being responsible all the time and also having learned at a young age you have to be because no one will look out for you like yourself has made me long to have one person I could trust to hand over the reins to, to let have control for a little while, knowing they could and instead of having to think and be responsible all the time while in their hands just be able to feel, just be able to experience. I feel like I need that spiritually and we all need balance. But of course, I'm a heterosexual male and the stereotypes of hetero men who let women take over are endless.
Women themselves often go by them.
And of course lack courage to talk about something so personal and taboo is hard to come by.
And I know how to control desire. I saw growing up how desire and inability to engage in self-control related to that desire almost cost the most powerful man in the world his power (Bill Clinton). So I've always had a prudish attitude towards sexuality even as I have harbored kinky desires of my own since middle school. It is the part of me I have always hid from but on some level I always knew at some point I'd have to overcome the fear and have courage and face my desires if I ever hoped to be a truly emotional healthy human being fully able of reaching my full potential.
And fortunately for me, I had the good fortune of having the most understanding partner to begin my journey with.
I had been dating Fidelity for a while. We both were falling deep and fast with each other. We had common interests, common goals, and everything. I was intoxicated by her presence and I could always tell when she looked at me how she got lost in me just looking into my eyes. I normally never jump the gun on anything but it seemed to me like she could be the one. When I was with her all was right with the world. Nothing would make me happier than spending my whole life in her arms.
But there was that secret. The hidden part of myself that had always been the source of such shame. That part of myself I told no one of because I have always feared what others think, especially since I've always wanted power and an important part of gaining, holding, and fending off challenges to power is maintaining the right image. But the relationship with Fidelity was moving so fast and I was falling so deep I realized I'd have to tell her because anyone who would truly love would love me fully for who I am, even something like this. I was afraid I might lose the relationship but I realized I had to take the plunge.
Fidelity and I were having dinner that night. It was actually an excellent meal. Shrimp, crawfish tails, potatoes marinated in crab boil. After dinner she had some wine and I drank some caramel whisky. We were having a great conversation on current events and then perhaps it was liquid courage taking effect but I decided to roll the dice and cross that Rubicon.
"Fidelity," I said.
"Yes, Lee," she replied.
"Darling, I have a secret I need to tell you and it's sort of out there" I told her, appearing as confident as I could in my presentation to her but trembling with fear on the inside.
"Lee," Fidelity began, "we have been seeing each other for only a little while but words cannot express how close I feel to you. I love you and you can tell me anything."
At this point I began thinking to myself that she says that now but what will she say when I tell her? But I realized there would be no stronger display of strength, no greater confirmation of my masculinity than to tell her, especially when most men who kept something like this hidden would waffle and hide and keep it from their significant other even as they paid a pro on the side to give them what they craved in their soul. But I decided to be a stronger man than they ever could be.
And so I told her everything. Every single kinky, non-vanilla, non-conventional detail. Fear gripped my heart and Black Velvet Caramel kept me talking. Makes sense when you consider Black Velvet Caramel is like drinking sex. But as I noticed I wasn't running her away, she listened as attentive as could be
"So Fidelity," I asked, "you don't think I'm weird do you?"
"Not at all darling" she replied.
"If anything, I respect you for being willing to tell me. A lot of men wouldn't have the courage to share this. They'd go out and hire some whore to explore this part of themselves and would try and keep it on the hush when if anything they should be willing to share this in a loving relationship." She continued
I didn't know what to think but at that point I changed the subject to beer, and in particular the homebrew she was making. At least she hadn't called me a freak and driven me way.
