I lifted Mileena's slight frame; shifting it to fit more comfortably in my arms, and carried her up the stairs to her room. Her grey clouded eyes never left my face, even as I lay her on the cool sheet. Her body was completely limp, and she made no attempt to arrange herself into a more comfortable position. I smoothed the stray auburn hair away from her face, and positioned her body to lay flat with legs extended and hands laid over her chest. I ran the back of my hand down her cheek and her eyes became expectant. This was the time when all others had simply taken her as they pleased, yet it would not serve me to do so, and I knew it.
I pulled the covers up over her and tucked them under her chin, still her eyes stayed on me. Leaning down I kissed her cheek and whispered the word sleep in her ear before turning to leave the room. Stopping at the door; I looked back to see her gently roll herself into a tight ball on her side, tucking the blankets in around her like a shield. She looked one last time at me; a single heartbeat passed before she closed her eyes. Shutting the light off; I turned to go to my own room.
I laid on my bed in the dark. What was she seeing in her sleep? Did she dream, I wondered. Images of past experiences with her played through my mind. I had played often with her previous Master and now each scene ran through my mind searching for the tiniest detail that might offer clues to what she was so afraid of.
I had seen her take a hundred strikes from a whip, and more without so much as a sound. To most of us this was something we had to train them to do, yet for her it was what she did. I remember being envious of him. He seemed to have the perfect submissive when she was submissive. She never spoke without being told to; offering only short responses. She never seemed to balk at anything he asked of her, she simply did it. Her response to the kneel down position was obvious, and she never failed to perform beautifully, so why was it that he always felt as if she were holding something back? On the other side of the coin; she was infamous for her smart mouth at just the wrong time, a perpetual flirt when not controlled, and had on more than one occasion stepped over the line of playful flirting. She was classified quickly as a SAM; the kind of Smart assed masochist that would undo the ropes around her wrists with her teeth to turn and glare in challenge to whomever had tied them. At times it was as if there were two completely separate people living within the same body.
Looking back now I can see the moments when she simply slipped away. I could pinpoint the second that her eyes grew cloudy, and she drifted off into her own world. It looked from the outside like sub space, but there was always something different. Now I could see the look that was truly there, it was not one of submission but resignation. She could easily resign herself to letting her body be tortured and in her world, escape from the pain. I had even seen her push for punishment she knew would come and now I could see that tiny little smile of satisfaction that she had just before she would slip away.
A moment later I was up and headed for the computer. I had taped several of our sessions, and now knew there was something there that others had missed. That smile, that tiny glimmer that flickered and disappeared in an instant. That is where her secret lay! What caused it? Why did she even have it?
I spent two hours looking at each and every session I had on the computer, slowing down the stream when I saw her eyes cloud over, backing it up to try to catch that same glimpse of a smile. It was not something that happened every time, but I did find it on two of the sessions we had together. Sitting back I watched each session from beginning to end. I found it difficult to not get caught up in the feelings that these sessions provided. My cock grew hard and my mind began to create new ideas for play sessions. It took several tries for me to pull my focus back to where it needed to be. Yes, that same small smile was there.
I hit pause in the last second of the first session out of frustration. I got up and paced the kitchen for a few minutes. When I returned to the screen the image that jumped out at me was striking! I clicked to enlarge the screen to make sure. There was that beautiful face staring straight at the camera, the grey eyes not clouded but alive and burning. Clicking the pause button allowed it to move forward and in an instant the eyes dropped and I could no longer see them. I rewound and ran it through frame by frame. There it was, for only a split second; just long enough for her to look up and back down again, barely a single frame. I sat back in the chair and stared at the screen.
I had seen that look earlier today. Those eyes were lost, searching. Not afraid but alone; utterly alone. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts run.
It took a moment to get through the chatter and let one simple statement float to the forefront.
"No one knows." She had said it more than once, but now it had a meaning. She was right; no one had ever taken the time to study her like this, to look for the clue. It was in that smile, and this moment captured for all eternity on my screen.
I went down the hall to her room, and stood there watching her for a long time. She was still curled in her ball, tucked safely away in her covers. Suddenly her body stiffened, and began to shake. Stepping quietly closer I could see tears run down her cheeks, and yet her eyes were shut tight. She even cried silently in her sleep. I watched her until her body settled back into a rhythmic breathing pattern before stepping to the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and just looked at her for awhile before finally going to my own room and sleeping.
I woke early the next morning, and after making coffee crept down the hall to Mileena's room. Coffee cup in hand I sat down in a chair across from the bed. She was still curled in her little ball with the covers tucked securely in around her, her own private cocoon. She looked so serene and peaceful, but I had already seen that she had not begun her night that way. The morning light played with her auburn hair making it vividly red, while it shone the depth of her porcelain skin, the same skin that glowed such a beautiful blush in the height of passion. I longed to lean over and bring that blush to life in the morning sun.
There was something soothing in watching her sleep, something that I had not felt in a long time. I found my own breathing began to match hers, and my body settled into a languid comfort. I wanted to be closer to it, to wrap myself in it and float on some unseen sea that gently rocked my soul in its simple rhythm.
Her body stirred and stretched beneath the sheets. She unfurled herself and rolled onto her stomach extending her legs and stretching in that feline manner again. Perhaps I should turn up the heat in her room so that I could watch her do it naked each morning. She turned herself onto her back and then turned her head, eyes still closed toward the morning light. She lay with a quiet smile on her face as she felt the warmth of the sun on her face, her hand rising to her cheek to enjoy the warmth she felt there. Then, she slowly began to slide the covers down to reveal her naked body allowing the sun to warm each new exposed inch before revealing more.
It was erotic and arousing, so why did I feel like I had suddenly intruded into a part of her world that was kept away from everyone. I knew that if I so much as took a deep breath she would hear it and I didn't want her to. I wanted to see this part of her, the moments before she pulled on whatever shield she wore.
I watched her stretch her arms above her head making her small breasts stand firm on her chest and take a deep breath. Her eyes popped open and instantly she recognized me. Jerking her arms down to her sides and muttering an apology, for what I didn't know. I didn't respond but sat still and waited until she asked me what I was doing there. I told her I had been watching her sleep. Fear sprang to her eyes, and then quickly turned to anger before she looked down and hid it from me. When she raised her head again a second later it was gone.
I stood and walked to the bed sitting down the side, and she reached for the covers. Don't was all I said; before laying down on the bed next to her, but not touching her.
"What do you feel?" I asked, turning my head to look at her. A confused look came across her face.
"What?" she whispered.
"What do you feel?" I asked again, this time speaking clearly and slowly. I took a moment before she could find any words.
"Confused." She said before she looked down and began to fidget with her fingers.
"Did I do something wrong?" she asked still fidgeting with her fingers.
I rolled to my side and placed my hand over hers, "No."
She looked at me for a long time, not sure if she should say or do something. Her breathing changed, growing more rapid and uneven. She struggled to look at me, shifting from my face to our hands and back again often.
"What did you dream about?" I asked letting my hand remain resting gently on hers.
"Dream? I Don't dream, I never have." Her voice was no more than a whisper. I rose from the bed and walked to the entrance to her room.
"It's time to get up." I said and headed for the kitchen. I poured myself another cup of coffee and sat down at the table, my head full of questions. Is she really not aware that she dreams? What is it that could cause someone to completely block any recollection of nightmares strong enough to make them cry?
She entered the kitchen dressed in nothing but her pale blue bikini panties and matching bra. I had always preferred her in blue it seemed to show off the ivory skin and auburn hair perfectly. She didn't look at me, but poured herself a cup of coffee. She took a deep breath and turned to face me leaning against the kitchen counter. God, she was beautiful. The sun shone through the window and played across her hair making it shimmer. A small strand of her long bangs fell across one eye and I wished it was not there.
She reached up and tucked it back behind her ear, before turning to put her cup on the counter. She quickly set about making breakfast. Pulling two plates from the cupboard and placing them on the table. She turned toward the refrigerator opening the door and leaning down to grab the eggs. A vision of me eating pancakes off that ass sprang to mind. I could see myself licking the sticky syrup off the backs of her thighs.
She put the eggs on the counter and gathered a few more items. I had not said anything about what I wanted to eat that morning and left it for her to handle as I headed for the shower. Stepping into the shower I realized I was out of my favorite shampoo as I leaned my head back to let the water run over it. Suddenly I heard the door open and a bottle of my favorite shampoo was placed at the edge of the shower by a delicate hand before I heard the door close. I smiled and reached for it. After dressing, I head for the kitchen.
