Hurricane Sally was bearing down on Pensacola and it was starting to strengthen and I was worried as I had lived in Panama City two years ago when Hurricane Michael came through and was concerned about my home making it through the storm and I knew my friend Alyssa had a very solid house that had been built after the Hurricane Andrew building code had been passed and I knew she had a solar power system with batteries and so knew we would not lose power and I knew she had shutters that open and close, a rarity in Pensacola, and so nothing would break the windows.
So I called Alyssa to see if I could take shelter with her from the storm.
"Alyssa," I began, "this is Ivan and I am scared that Hurricane Sally will become another Michael and I know you have that solar power system and I want to stay at your house during the storm. Can I please take shelter with you?"
"I don't know," replied Alyssa, "I mean don't you have a place to stay."
"Yes but yours is better built and you have that solar power system and that kegerator and this storm could get bad and I don't want to be alone during it."
"Well, I will tell you what. I will let you ride out the hurricane with me if you let me get you fried, stewed, and nude."
"What do you mean by fried, stewed, and nude?"
"You'll find out but I won't let you stay with me unless you agree to it. You know your place is one of those ranch houses built in the early 1960's, the primary kind of house that got ripped apart by Hurricane Andrew down in south Dade all those years ago."
"And that's why I want to stay with you."
"So you will let me get you fried, stewed, and nude?"
"What do you even mean by that?"
"Well, you will either find out when you stay with me or you can find someone else to stay with and if you can't well, maybe you'll be fine but it could be like Hurricane Michael was for you and I remember you saying the roof tore off of your house."
"It did."
"Well you don't want the roof to tear off and the walls to come in and the wind to pick you up and drop you off in the Gulf where then a wave washes over your head and then you get held down by debris and drown do you?"
"No."
"So you will let me get you fried, stewed, and nude?"
"Yes, Alyssa."
"You can come over. We are going to have so much fun. And you will forget a hurricane is coming through destroying everything around us."
"Ok, see you soon, Alyssa."
I hung up the phone and got my things ready and began heading to Alyssa's house. I had no idea what she had when she said she would get me "fried, stewed, and nude" but it was surely better than risking being in my house when the storm came in and she was right, that was the kind of structure Andrew had decimated in Dade County back in 1992 and similar houses didn't do all that much better in eastern Bay County during Hurricane Michael in 2018.
So I drove through a Pensacola that I thought wasn't taking the storm seriously enough given how these things can blow up in the Gulf and I got to Alyssa's house.
I walked up to the door and rang the bell.
Alyssa answered the door.
"Come in, Ivan..." Alyssa bidded me, "you will be safe from Hurricane Sally here" she said as she hugged me in a platonic way.
I went into her living room and sat down and watched TV.
I did not want to turn on The Weather Channel because wherever Jim Cantore goes destruction is sure to follow and I didn't want to see him on TV doing a live shot in front of my house as that would have added to my storm anxiety.
She came into the living room with a bottle of Dom Perignon and two champagne glasses and she poured us each and glass and we began drinking.
"I am glad you came here, Ivan" proclaimed Alyssa, "I'd hate to see you get all blown away in the hurricane. Well you might get a little 'blown away' here but I meant I wouldn't want the wind to take you away from us or anything."
What did she mean when she said I'd "get a little blown away" given that I was inside at that point?
And I wondered if what she just said had anything with her telling me I'd have to let her get me "fried, stewed, and nude" to ride out the storm with her.
We finished two bottles of champagne and then she sat beside me and crossed her legs and began to talk.
"Ivan, you remember when I told you to stay with me you had to let me get you, fried, stewed, and nude?"
"Yes, Alyssa, I do."
"It is time Ivan but understand part of getting you fried, stewed, and nude is you are going to have to let me tie you up. You got here just as the rain has started to get bad. The wind is blowing fierce now. The storm is going slow and it will last all day. So as the weather has picked up since you got here I want you to think about this again knowing now that letting me get you fried, stewed, and nude will involve tying up that little cute body of yours."
She called my body "cute" and that was interesting. I was uneasy about letting her tie me up but the storm was starting to get bad and if it blew up like Michael did, well, it's not like she'd hurt me or anything as a storm comes in and I did agree to it. She continued speaking.
"So you will let me tie you up, Ivan?"
"Yes, Alyssa."
Alyssa beamed with a smile of happiness at this news.
"Great. Alright Ivan, it is time to get you fried, stewed, and nude. I am going to go into my bedroom to get some things. Don't go anywhere or I'll kick you out and you can fend for yourself against Hurricane Sally."
Alyssa went into her bedroom and I wondered what she went back to get but I saw her come back in with several pairs of what looked like stockings and you can tell when a woman's stockings have just out of the washer versus when she has already worn them and they are lying around waiting to be washed and these were clearly worn stockings.
"Okay, Ivan. Part of getting you fried, stewed, and nude is getting your properly set for it so I want you to put your hands behind your back."
I complied and Alyssa walked behind me, and helped press my wrists together properly, and then I felt the soft but strong fabric of her stockings being tied around my wrist.
"I want you to know Ivan that the pair of stockings I am tying your hands with I wore for two days straight and both times in good leather shoes. I like keeping a fresh supply of worn stockings available. I want you to know that when you tie someone's hands with stockings it is a soft material but it gets tight and knots easy and you won't be getting out of it unless you try. So struggling is useless but I like it when I a tie up a guy and he struggles so tug at your hands and see if you can get out."
I wonder what Alyssa meant by "liking seeing guys she ties up struggle."
But I did as she ordered and began tugging my wrists against her stocking that had them tied, they didn't budge an inch but the stockings didn't feel all that rough, they felt good against my skin in fact.