"You must tell me when." Mimi watched intently as the glass filled with juice.
"I will. Don't you worry. You'll know. You usually do." Sven winked, placing the carton back onto the coffee table. "You'll know when I want you to stop."
It was a cold, quiet Friday evening in the middle of January and their plans had been unceremoniously cancelled by the elements. No more dinner with their soon to be married friends or, much to Mimi's relief, conversations about wedding bouquets and cake tasting thanks to the deluge that raged outside, just a DVD box set and half a bag of nachos. At least, that was the plan until Mimi had raised the issue of safewords.
"No, but I'd actually like to hear you say so sometimes. I'd like to do some more non-consent play." Mimi curled up next to her boyfriend and flicked through the TV channels, only half paying attention to them, her thoughts racing. "I know you're all into being stoic and manly but I don't want to really hurt you. You know, in a bad way. And I know, I know we've never needed them before because stop has always meant stop but sometimes," she paused, "Well, I think they might be useful, that's all"
"But I thought you liked it when I grunted and groaned and took it." He looked up pushed her thigh with his foot. "Don't you?"
"No, I do. But I think we need a safeword that is something other than stop for this. It makes no sense otherwise."
"Of course, I was forgetting your little fantasy." Sven said, the grin curling around his face, his voice lower, conspiratory.
Mimi laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Ha." She said, "It's hardly little. It is big and all encompassing and there are times that I am scared that if I start, if I really start, I won't be able to stop until you are a sobbing, bruised mess and I will never forgive myself." She bit her lip. "I know it's a crazy fantasy. That it's not safe necessarily, but nothing gets me hard like it." She leant over and curled into his shoulder.
"Christ." Sven's eyes were fixed on the television, merely the light behind the single, hard bead of thought that formed in his mind; something deep and primal in that place where love and pain were one indecipherable sensation; a place where he, with his vanities and insecurities, was nothing and everything.
"That's quite a thought." He said, his eyes moving back up to hers. "You really want that?"
"Yes. I do. And with you." She shook her head and kissed him gently on the mouth. "It would hit all of my buttons."
"Of course." he said, his head cocked to the side. "And here was me thinking you were tense because you thought you were going to have to pretend to be excited about wedding invites tonight." He kissed her temple and smiled. "I should have called and cancelled sooner."
"You should have." She said, "But in seriousness, Sven, I really want this and I've hidden it for so long that I'm actually a little scared about letting it out now because I've no idea how big it's grown, hidden away in the dark. "
"You mean to tell me," he said, his arms curling around her, "That the walls are finally coming down?" he spoke into her hair, his breath warm against her cheek. "Really?"
"Stop it." She turned in his grip and laughed. "I mean it. I've never told anyone this before." Mimi's face fell serious and she sat back up away from him. "So, tell me. Are you okay with this?" she asked, "With being my punchbag?"
"Will there be punching?" Sven said, "I rather like the thought of that. We've not really or, I've not really done that. I think I'd like to."
Mimi nodded, "Good. I'd like that too. And some slapping on your arms and thighs and chest." She said. "Harder than usual and um, begging me to stop but I don't."
"Are you embarrassed?" Sven said, grinning.
Mimi nodded. "A bit."
"Oh." He sighed heavily and hugged her close, "No need to be." He said, "You know better than that. I can't believe you wouldn't tell me. What else?"
"I still have that flat, wooden spatula thingy."
"Ah, yes."
"So you'll do it?" Mimi asked, "What do you think?"
"I think it sounds very hot." Sven said, "You really shouldn't have been embarrassed." Mimi nodded, smiled a little, though it seemed tinged with regret, Sven thought. "Of course I'll do it."
"I thought I would hurt you. I'm frightened by it." She said, "In my fantasies, I've always imagined a man who I can really hurt. Like it's catharsis or something."
He nodded, thoughtful. "Well," he smiled, " here I am." His arms bloomed in front of her, palms open, "I'm not scared." He smiled, "Well, maybe a little."
Mimi let out a squeak of delight and leant forward again, kissing him hard on the mouth. "You will?" she smiled, "You really will?"
Sven nodded, "I am very turned on by the thought of crying for you." He said, "And a bit ashamed but then that just makes it hotter." He leant forward and kissed her on the mouth. "You know that it's not always hearts and flowers and easily... easy emotions, don't you?" he said.
Mimi smiled, a sigh pouring from her, "You have no idea."
"Degradation?" Sven asked.
"What about it?"
"Your thoughts. Be honest. I know you've been a little snarky before." His hands were knotted together in his lap now, the television ignored.
"You mean to I want to tell you what a piece of worthless shit you are and to get on your knees and suck my cock?" Mimi smirked.
"Ha. I know it's a cliché." Sven's shrugged and he leant backward into the sofa. "But sometimes I do wish you wouldn't be so, um-"
"What?" Mimi said.
"Um, hesitant. I get the feeling you're not really letting go fully. I'd like it if you did get a little rougher. It's passion. I love that. Love the thought of you enjoying yourself."
Mimi nodded, stunned, smiling, "Exactly, babe. This is what I mean."
Sven leant forward and pulled Mimi against him, kissing her hard. "Then that is what you'll get." He moved and stood up. Stretched a little. "Don't think I'll go down without a fight though." He grinned and picked up his cup.
Mimi laughed. "Yeah, whatever. We'll see about that."
"I'm nearly twice your weight, Amanda. I think not."
"If you think this is working then, a, you're right and b, you're paying for that later." She laughed. "Bring me some tea while you're up, kitten." She handed her cup toward him and he took it.
"Will do." He headed toward the kitchen.
"Oh, sweetheart?" Mimi said, smiling to herself. "Get your collar and put it on."
"Now?" Sven said.
Mimi smiled to herself, the surprise in his voice heart warming. "Yes," she repeated, "Now. Go and do it while the kettle is boiling. Won't take you long."
Sven padded back across the creaking boards, towards the bedroom. He kissed her on the temple as he passed. "Happily. I'm so proud of you, Mim." He said, brushing her face, "I know it's difficult sometimes. Hell, you told me that, but I want you to be the best domme you can be. I don't mean to condescend to you but-" he knelt and grabbed her hands, held them tight. "I mean you have so much inside of you; so much kindness and passion and I hate to see it wasted. I love you so much I want you to be the best version of yourself, do you see? Don't let fear and shame hold you back."
Mimi gasped then swallowed hard, "Oh, I- no one's ever said that to me before. No one has ever, I don't think, wanted that for me before. I don't think that I thought I could. I..." she hesitated and looked up, a smile brightening her face as she met his eyes, " How kind of you to say that. "
He smiled and kissed her bunched fingers, "Just doing my job, babe."
"I couldn't ask for better." Mimi said, "Now, please. Let's do this. Go."
"Okay." Sven stood, kissed her hard, moving toward the bedroom.
"Good boy." Mimi called after him, muting the television and looking out into the dark beyond.
She stood and stretched, watching the traffic move silently beneath her, wondering how many other people below wore a collar or loved someone that did. She had spent a long time not understanding its significance. At first, she'd seen the collar as a play thing, like a pair of handcuffs or a vibrator but soon came to see it was quite different. It had become a potent symbol of their relationship, their devotion to each other. Sometimes, Mimi felt that though they weren't married, or getting sentimental about cake like Kate and David, that this stood in it's place, not merely as a symbol of her ownership but as a mark of Sven's dedication. As a girl, she'd never fantasized about her wedding day, she'd found the idea of traditional romance even a little difficult, but this; this power dynamic had buried itself within her heart in a way that she did not entirely understand. The only thing that mattered was that it was good and right and made her happy in a way she had not anticipated. Beyond that, it terrified her.
"Done." Sven's arms curled around her waist and she looked up at him, her thoughts broken.
"Oh," she smiled, "Lovely."
"You think?" Sven said.
Mimi nodded, "I think you should keep it on all the time."
"Really?" Sven raised his eyebrows, his cheeks colouring. "But what about when I have to go out?" he asked walking back toward the kitchen.
"Why?" Mimi said, following behind, "Aren't you proud to be my pet?" she swatted him playfully on the bottom and leant in the doorway of the kitchen.
"Oh, it's not that," Sven moved the kettle from the stove, filling the cups, "It's just, you know. People would talk. I mean, I don't care, just that, I, um, you never said."
"What?" Mimi said, wry mockery in her voice, "I'm saying so now."
Sven smiled, pulling open the fridge with a tinkle of bottles, "This honesty thing is going to get me into a lot of trouble, isn't it?"
Mimi nodded, "Probably."
"And being the best Domme you can be is going to be both mischievous and terrifying, isn't it?"
"Well you did ask." Mimi grinned, plucking her cup from the counter. "Come on. Drink that at my feet, we still have some more talking to do."
Mimi turned and headed back towards the sofa, her long curtain of hair swishing behind her as she moved. Sven smiled and followed behind her.
"So then," Mimi gestured to the floor next to her feet and Sven sat down, leaning against the sofa. "I think we should go with the old traffic light colours; red, yellow, green."
"Yep. I can do that." Sven nodded, "I can also do lots of "oh no, stop, stop." Without you actually having to stop."
