Frea

Freak

Chapter 5: Panic

A few hours later, I wake up sore, but strangely calm. After the events of the previous evening I feel on edge, desperate for release, but at the same time I feel this sense of peace. It's a strange one, and I continue to be baffled by the conflicting feelings that this situation with Elian brings up.

I try not to think too hard on it - I know that it's a strategy I'm relying on heavily these days, but I'm not sure I'm ready to unpack whatever might be happening.

Or what I

think

might be happening. Big difference there - really. Between reality and my head.

By the time I manage to jostle myself out of Elian's bed and sneak my ass out, I realise it's mid-afternoon. The vampire's room is a time-warp - it's difficult to tell the time or have a sense of the days in there.

I get myself in the shower and it's not till I'm facing the sink mirror of my bathroom that I realise I look insane. The black eyeliner and mascara I had put on last night has smudged badly giving me serious panda eyes, and I panic for a moment.

Did it look like that last night?

Urgh. I must've looked like such a mess.

I stuff down the embarrassment and scrub my eyes until they're clean and slightly red.

I dry myself off and get changed into sweatpants. I sit on my bed and check my phone to see a message from my manager cancelling my shift. I mean it's sort of a relief. In all the erotic fun, I'd actually forgotten I'd had a shift that evening. But still - my temperamental manager cancelling my shifts is definitely bad for my financial situation.

I really need to find a new job.

One that doesn't delight in giving me shifts and then taking them away at the last minute.

I take a breath and throw the phone back on the bed. I look at the plain white walls of my small room and a pang of something hits my chest and I try to breathe it down. It starts as the smallest, creeping ache, which then blooms into a deeper pain.

I realise between shaky breaths that it's loneliness.

Weekends are supposed to be spent with family and friends...or in my poor ass case, working. But I have none of that, I realise and it sits heavy against my chest.

I reflect that I should probably try to call my family, be as it may that they hate my living soul. But I'm sort of hopeful but maybe after all this time they have been able to move past the fact that I turn into an oversized dog once a month.

I pick up my phone back off the bed and stare at the screen - for a moment the loneliness is replaced by the familiar feeling of anxiety. Wouldn't they have called me by now if they had wanted me back in their lives?

You'd think after all this time that their rejection wouldn't hurt, but it does. It's still as raw as the day my parents told me to leave home and never come back.

I look back around at the empty walls and before I think it through, I dial dad's number. What can I say, I don't just look for punishment in my sex life.

My heart picks up pace as the phone rings, and I swear it skips a whole beat when I realise it answers.

"Stop calling, Lil," It's the unmistakable voice of my sister, Sam. I haven't heard her voice in years and it fills me with a soul crushing, desperate sadness.

"Sammy," I manage, "How are you?"

I don't know how, but the words come out. I'm sure that I sound like a bimbo because my words are coming about all breathy and jumbled.

"You know I can't answer that. Stop calling, okay?" She whispers. Her voice sounds so mature, and I realise that she has to be at least 16 years old now.

"I just want to see how everyone's going." I whisper back. I don't know why I'm also whispering but I just go with it. Maybe if I match her tone she'll somehow relent.

"You can't. You know you can't." She sounds sad and partially annoyed. I'd know that tone anywhere.

"Well why did you answer then?" I find myself asking.

"To tell you to stop. Dad's sick and seeing you call is just going to make things worse."

That causes me to pause for a moment.

"Sick? What sort of sick?" nausea fills my chest, and I can feel my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.

"Don't worry about it, alright? Forget I said anything and just get on with life. Go hunt a rat or something. Just stop calling."

I'm almost tripped up by her ignorant comment and realise that of course they still hate me for what I am.

"Sammy, please" I beg. But it doesn't do me any good - she cuts me off before I can say anything else

"Can't you see you're being selfish? You need to stop contacting us. You're hurting your family - we don't have much time left with him and we want to spend it in peace."

I don't get a chance to respond because she just hangs up. I stare at the phone in my hands for a few minutes before chucking it to the floor. My mind starts racing.

Dad is sick and I don't know with what. Dad is sick and inevitably it seems he doesn't have much time. Dad is sick, possibly dying and my family still wants nothing to do with me. Hurt fills my chest and for a moment I can feel actual bile rising in my throat.

I clutch my chest; the pain is sharp and for a brief moment I wonder if this is what a heart attack feels like.

I hear a knock on my door, and I jump up, with the feeling of my heart slamming into my throat.

"Hey Lil," It's the unmistakable voice of Mercy sliding through the door.

"Y-yeah," I take a deep breath and jump at the door, "What's up?

"Hey," I hear her say, as I open the door. She's leaning against the doorframe, beaming smile plastered all over her beautiful face. Although her smile falters as soon as she sees me, "Are you okay, Lil?"

"I'm fine," I realise there are tears on my face, and I swipe them away. I briefly wonder when exactly it was that I started crying. I realise it might have started when my sister answered the phone. I clear my throat and try to smile, "What's up?"

She gives me a look of concern but doesn't push. She doesn't know it, but I am so grateful to her in that moment. I don't know if I can have any sort of conversation about any of what just happened.

"I was gonna see if you wanted to go out and grab some ice-cream. I am absolutely frothing for an ice-cream and no one wants to come out with me. It's such a beautiful, sunny day outside. You want to come with me to Cold Rock?" she asks, referring to an ice-cream parlor just a few minutes down the road.

The request takes me by surprise, but drowning my feelings in ice-cream is exactly the sort of distraction I need.

"I could use a whole tub right now," I nod, "let me change and I'll grab my bag,"

She perks up, smile practically blinding me, "Yes!" she jumpes, pumping her fist in the air, "I'm thinking of getting a whole tub of mint chocolate chip, myself."

I shove some shorts on and turn to the dark-haired werewolf.

"No Mercy, no," I look at her with my sternest expression, "Why not a normal flavour like chocolate. Why do we need to get toothpaste flavoured ice-cream?"

She laughs, eyes squinting in mirth, "Come on, we'll get a few flavours. I promise I won't make you eat the mint."

I smile, a small real smile, I realise. I grab my bag, pull on some slides and we head out into the human world.

______________

"So," Mercy looks at me, eyebrow raised, and spoon delicately poised above a tub of mint ice-cream.

"Yeah?" I manage between mouthfuls of my own delightful mixture of vanilla and Nutella.

"The vampire," She continues.

"which one?" I ask in a purposefully obtuse manner and look at the swirls of white and brown ice-cream sitting in front of me.

"The one you're fucking" she says it so bluntly that I look right up at her in shock, before realising that I am so not cool, and try to look to the side.

"What about him?"

"It's...I mean you said it was consensual" She says, eying my ice-cream in a manner that looks positively envious.

"Yup," I swallow the cold dessert down, "You wanna try some of this?" I gesture to the tub in front of me.

Without missing a beat, she reaches over with her spoon, grabs a hunk out and eats it. I'm sort of startled by it - she's always so poised and nice - Its sort of strange to see her shove a whole spoon full of, well, anything into her mouth.

"Ok," She nods, "Just wanted to double check. He seems like a lot,"

I snort halfway throw eating, and I choke for a second, All I can do is nod. She's not wrong, he is a lot.

"And you like that?" She asks, eyes back on my tub and I wonder for a second if she's going to steal more.

"Apparently" Is all I manage.

She looks confused, but doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"Listen I'm as surprised as you are. I don't exactly know how, but we're fucking," I shrug.

And it's true, I am still confused by the whole thing and what it's turned into. Mostly the kinky stuff really, but she doesn't need to know that.

"Is he nice?" She asks, finally taking another spoon of my ice-cream. This one is bigger than the last and quite frankly I'm impressed by how she manages to shove it into her face and eat the whole thing in one go.

"Oh no. Definitely not," is my matter-of-fact answer.

"Lilith!" She looks at me all wide-eyed, "No. You deserve to be with a man who isn't mean to you."

"He's not mean," I reflect, "Just not nice."

She reaches over and grabs another spoon of my ice cream. At this point, I feel like I should just hand the whole tub over because she is getting

into

it.

"Girl, no." She says between mouthfuls.

"It's just sex," I say it defensively, I realise. My voice is all high-pitched and nasal.

She laughs in a way that makes me think she doesn't believe me, before taking more of my ice cream.

"What? Are you gonna just eat all my ice cream," I blurt out. I feel sort of rude saying it since she's always so nice to me.

"Yeah, I regret the mint. Yours is better," She unashamedly keeps helping herself to my tub, "And honey, we both know it's never just sex." I feel briefly victorious over my belief that mint is an inferior flavour before processing what she's just said.

"No?"

"Nup." She says confidently - not even a slight falter in her voice,

"How do you know?"

"Experience," She gives me look that is both mysterious and guilt-ridden.

"Well, well, well," I turn the questions on her now, partially because I'm uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation and partially because I'm now curious, "Who are you fucking."

"Liam," She says it without pause, without any hint of anything. I was expecting...well I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this.

When the hell did Mercy start fucking the vampire master of Brisbane? I can't believe what I'm hearing. I thought I was the only traitorous whore amongst the wolves.

That stops me dead in my tracks, "Sorry, Liam, as in vampire master, ruler of all vamps in Brisbane. That Liam?"

"That Liam," She nods, the slightest pink tinging her cheeks.

"How and when?" I query. I try to think about all the times they've both been in the same room with me and I come up with nothing.

"Well...how and when with you and your man?" She hits back at me playfully.

"You answer first," I'm obviously a coward but at least Mercy is too nice to say anything of that nature.

"Literally after we introduced ourselves," She flushes, "when they were moving in. That's when we met."

This is insane,

I marvel,

how did I miss this?

"AND?" It's like she's trying to kill me with the suspense.

"I don't even know how It started but after the meeting I couldn't stop watching him. He was so magnetic and hot," I mean I get it, Liam is quite famously gorgeous, "and well that night after everyone had settled in, I was in the kitchen making some cookies and he came in..."

I am literally clawing the edge of my seat.

"And?" I almost want to shake her and yell at her for being so slow.

"And I burnt the cookies and he fucked me," she pauses, "no, that's not quite right. I fucked

him

. He was just being normal and asking me about myself and the next minute I pushed that man against the fridge and pounced on him."

This is not what I expected to hear. Mercy is beautiful, smart and confident. But I had never pictured her as the type to jump a guy she just met. I'm sort of relieved that I'm not the only one having a hard time controlling myself though.

She continues, "Yeah, I don't know what came over me, but he was just very hot, and the way he smelt.

Oh my god

. I just- I just had to." She holds her hands up as if to say '

don't judge'.

"He must've thought Christmas had come," I nod. I mean it too; Mercy is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. It's no secret that every man and half the women in the den would bed her if given the chance.

"He had a good time," She looks away at that part, but I can see her smiling into her ice-cream. She looks so happy that I can't help but smile too.

"I can't even process this," I shake my head.

"It's ok, neither can I. We've been secretly seeing each other ever since," She continues, "It feels really good to tell someone to be honest," she sighs, "It's been so hard to hide when we've mated,"

"Sorry he's your mate?" That one throws me into an absolute spin. How is it possible? Wolves are generally supposed to find mateship amongst themselves. The mating thing is rare enough, but to find your mate in a vampire? Unusual.

"Yeah," she nods, "oh wait, I totally forgot that detail."

"You're really bad at story telling." I frown.

"Yeah, I've always been told that. Anyway, your turn." She nods towards me.

"Yeah..." I pause and think about how the hell I'm going to explain this thing to her. I mean Elian is neither a sexy, handsome vampire, nor is he my mate. So, I take a moment to really think about how to explain this one to Mercy while preserving my dignity.

"Come on," she gives me a look best described as friendly frustration, "Quit stalling. How did you and Mr Red Eyes get it on?"

"Well, I was feeding him. Remember Michelle assigned me as his feeder...and that led to sex," I shrug, unsure of how else to explain it. I really don't want to get into the dirty details. Mercy is a modern woman, but I don't know how she'd feel about the slapping around. And well she's a modern woman - she definitely wouldn't be ok with how it started in the first place.

"So...you show up for a feed, you got turned on by those fangs," she looks, "He obviously couldn't resist you because you're a total knock-out," I can't help but blush at the compliment. She continues, "And what, while he's feeding you decide to fuck him?"

"Yeah," I pause, I mean it's obviously not correct, but I don't know how to explain it properly, "So we have this arrangement, like, fuck-buddy thing." I shrug, "Obviously Eric doesn't know. And I'd never ask you to betray him-"

"I already told you; your secret is safe with me." Plain and simple, just like that she says it again.

"Yeah," I smile, "That's what friends are for, right?"

She looks at me, smile wide on her tanned face and says, "Right".

The afternoon continues, and we chatter and gossip - by the end of the experience there's the distinct feeling of warmth right at the centre of my chest.

__________

That night, as promised, Elian continues our erotic saga into orgasm denial. However, no matter what I do I cannot seem to get my family out of my head. While eating ice-cream was a distracting and fun interlude, as soon as silence hits, my brain starts running again.

I get thrown back into memories of showing up home after my hospital stay when they'd tested me for the werewolf virus. My belongings on the front yard, my dad standing on the veranda with my mum and two police officers...

I try to keep pushing that memory down, but all throughout the evening it keeps popping up with unparallelled anguish buried right in the centre of me.

Tonight, Elian greets me with his usual stoicism and gruff voice. He has the room set up for restraint and impact, with all manner of punishing implements laid out for use. It's a brief distraction, I'm momentarily terrified, curious and excited by the scene he's set up.

He greets me briefly with a kiss on the lips, before undressing me and tying me up. And I mean, literally tying me up. Tonight, the bed is set up with a chain hanging directly above it, He attaches a cuff to each wrist, before attaching both to the chain, so that my arms are suspended above my head.

He pauses throughout the process to occasionally nip at my neck or place a kiss on my lips. However, when he's finished adjusting me so that I'm kneeling on the bed, I realise that I'm teary and desperately trying to hold myself together. I try with everything I can to turn my head away from him, but it's hard on account of how I'm tied up, and he's also far too observant. He's always watching me so closely.

"What are you workin' through tonight, kiddo?" His rough voice fills my ear, it's warm, comforting. A clear contrast to the position he has me in. He nuzzles into my neck and brings his arms around me waist in a hug.

As soon as those words leave his lips, the dam breaks and I embarrassingly burst into tears. There's a flurry, a rearranging of bodies, and I realise I am in Elian's lap, my head tucked firmly into the crook of his neck, a strong arm wrapped around my body and a hand soothingly petting my head. Somehow, he has managed to unhook me and have me in his arms in a record amount of time.

"Hey now," he murmurs, "Come on. Did you forget what your safeword was? Was I going too fast?"

The concern is strangely touching and quite confusing really because Elian is for sex, rough play and banter and that's about it.

I shake my head and manage to swallow the lump of grief in my throat, "I-I'm...my dad's sick." I tumbles out of me before I can even stop it. I manage a peak at his face, all I can see is concern.

He cups my cheek and gently caresses my cheek. I feel so held - wrapped up in his body, one arm around my waist, the other gently holding my cheek.

I don't know how, but it just makes me talk. There's something about him that just makes me want to tell him everything.

"I can't see him. My family won't let me see him. I think it must be bad from what my sister said. I think he might be dying."

"You close to your family, Lil?" he asks, lips gently pressed against my temple.

"Not anymore," I shake my head, "Not since the werewolf thing."

He nods, doesn't say much else.

It's hard to stop the bitterness from coming out but it does, "I just want to forget about it."

He nods, nose nudging my temple. He kisses me then, lips pressing softly against my own, it tastes like salt - like my tears and I realise I'm still crying. I press against him urgently, before he pulls away.

"I can see, now, exactly what you need," his breath is a tickle against my ear.

He guides me back on my knees, gently positioning me on the soft mattress. Grabbing my hands in his, he clasps the suspended cuffs around my wrists, and leaves me there, kneeling on the mattress, arms suspending above me, keeping me upright.

I can feel him behind me, mouth licking, sucking, biting my neck. With my legs spread he has easy access to my pussy. A hand dives down, fingers thoughtfully stroking silky folds, thumb circling the little hard bead of pleasure between my legs.

And that other hand comes to rest in that spot I love, his hand circling safely around my neck in a pressured hold. His hand moves to twist the back of my hair, pulling me taught against his chest, and he says in my ear, "I think now's a good time to give you my little gift. I was gonna save it till Friday, but I think you need it now."

The way he pulls me hair, the fingers delving between my sex, the lips at my ear teasing. It sends thrills down my body, up my breasts and straight back to my throbbing pussy. I realise the tears have slowed down, and I feel...I feel safe, I realise. Safe in his hands. Cared for, even.