(I received a significant amount of assistance from LittleOne14385 in this Chapter. Her brilliant addition to this piece should direct readers to her Literotica page where she has posted a number of wonderful stories. I thank her for this and perhaps future assistance.)
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After cleaning out the remaining alcohol from my apartment I cleaned the place top to bottom. I suppose this was a means of beginning the process of cleaning up my life at least symbolically. Over the next few days I thought a lot about my conversation with William and the concept of what I now know is referred to as BDSM. I spent hours reading up on the subject, everything I could find on the subject. I first read papers written by professionals who confirmed most of what William had said. There seemed to be varying degrees or types of situations ranging from simple acts of acquiescence, to extreme sexual torture. In some cases the submission was complete and would include serving not only the Dominant but also who ever the Dominant choose to give the submissive to. In all cases the submissive was subject to some form of discipline and that ranged from simple spankings and orgasm denial to full on whipping with a lash and painful restraint often involving the submissive's sexual organs.
Then I began to read amateur fictional accounts on various web sites, including this one. I started to find some of the fiction (maybe it was real) titillating and would often find one of my hands touching either one of my nipples or sliding under my panties and stroking my wet pussy. When I remembered I would note the particular story that had excited me and kept a list.
During this time I only left my apartment to eat or purchase food. I stayed away from bars and refrained from even having a glass of wine. I too easily now recalled what I had allowed myself to become when drinking. I was still at the point of believing that the drinking was the root cause of my promiscuity. Months later I would come to the realization that the drinking was only a means to deaden myself to what I was doing, not the reason I was doing it. I'll speak more about that later.
Then I tried my best to compile a list of my sexual interactions. I know that I never came close to recalling all the slutty things I'd done but the list I did recall was enough. Looking it over I once again felt depressed and saddened that I had spent ten years of my life so frivolously using my body as a sexual tool for others.
I knew I would be calling William to talk, and I wanted to be able to come clean to him. I guess I knew deep inside that he needed to know all of what I was, again I learned later that this confession was something I needed more. Also I wanted to be comfortable in a submissive situation. I knew from my research what I would tolerate or even enjoy and what I would not tolerate. I wanted to be able to negotiate the terms with William.
When I felt prepared I called.
"William this is Ali, I wanted to come and talk to you."
"Alexandra, this is a pleasant surprise. Yes, we can talk. Why don't we meet somewhere for coffee?"
I had my "talk" designed for the comfort and privacy of his home or my apartment and was a little uncomfortable considering this discussion in a public place.
"Um William? I was hoping this talk would be in private."
"Alexandra the first step in this process is to be able to admit what you are and to not be ashamed about it. If you are considering becoming submissive, to me or anyone else, you need to be proud of that. So coffee?"
This was a twist and I felt uncomfortable but what William said made sense. I had read those same words during my research.
"Ok! I'm still a little unused to this whole concept. I will try."
A little while later we were in a local coffee house. I felt better once I was there and saw that there were few who stayed to drink in the facility, most picked up their coffee to go. William ordered for both of us and led me to a table in the rear. He handed me my cup.
"So what do you wish to talk about Alexandra?"
"Well first of all, most people call me Ali."
"I know that Alexandra but I prefer your full name for now. I would be pleased if you would not refer to yourself as Ali when you are with me. So what do you want to talk about?"
Ok that was a little out of the blue. The only time anyone called me Alexandra was in formal situations, like a classroom or a job interview and I always asked to be called Ali.
"I, um, I wanted to talk about the subject we talked about that morning."
"Alexandra we spoke of a lot of things that morning, a lot of which I don't want to have to ever talk about again."
I was so messing this up. All my carefully laid plans were out the window. I was nervous in public and feared being humiliated if anyone overhead the subject. I was also afraid of how I would react if William rejected me.
"I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you about domination and submission."
"Ok, Alexandra, what about it?"
"First I want you to know that I have not had anything to drink, not gone to a bar or seen anyone since I left you a week or so ago. I am sober and I believe thinking rationally."
"That's good to hear Alexandra."
"I've also read a lot about the subject of domination and submission and I have..."
"Alexandra I've read all that too. All you need to know is that there must be trust."
"I know that William but there are some things I read...."
"Alexandra, remember what I said. The people, who live this lifestyle, come to it through trust. What you've read are the results of that trust. Through that trust, a dominant learns what the submissive needs and the submissive learns what to do to please the dominant. It's different for everyone.
"So if I want to do this...if you want me...then going into this..."
"Yes there are no pre-conceived or pre-set lists of thing to do or be done."
"So how, I mean how do I know if this is for me?"
