The tall wild flowers were nearly as high as she was. The rolling hill carpeted in the exploding colors of spring. Blues, whites, yellows, and reds surrounded them in a flowing sea of natural beauty as they walked. She held his big hand while the other twirled a pretty white flower in her tiny fat fingers. The flower heâd picked and given to her.
The sun was bright and warmed her cheeks. Her little dress fluttered in the breeze. She felt so safe and comfortable and happy. They walked in silence. From time to time sheâd tip her head and look up into his loving eyes. His smile reassured her.
Then suddenly the flowing field of flowers ended. A distinct line where they stopped and a long expanse of simple grass began. They halted. Her curly black hair blew across her chubby cheeks as a chill wind snaked about her body. She turned and looked up at him. He again smiled as he looked longingly back down at her small face.
His strong but gentle fingers caressed her reddened cheek.
âDonât go. No Daddy. No. Donât go. Please donât go Daddy.â Her little voice trembled and pleaded. But he didnât speak, didnât answer. He just kept stroking her face.
Her short arms wrapped around his knee and she held him for all her little body could muster. âDonât go Daddy. PleaseâŠIâm scared Daddy. Please stay hereâŠâ
Her arms suddenly held no more than a thin wisp of smoke that quickly disappeared on the cold breeze. Her tearing eyes blinked open and stared into her empty palms. Her mind punished her for not being stronger. If only sheâd held him tighter maybe heâd still be there with her.
âDADDYYYYYYYâŠâ
Maggieâs eyes snapped open and her body trembled. She could never shake the overwhelming sense of sadness and fear that always gripped her after the nightmare. She gasped and recoiled reflexively when she noticed him sitting there. She was completely confused and utterly scared. Her mind was not yet fully awake. Not yet fully freed from the dream. She held the covers tight under her chin.
But slowly she began to recognize the soft blue eyes that studied her in the dim light of dawn. He sat in a chair very close to her bed and watched her.
âDocâŠDoctor Clark?â Her voice raspy and dry.
âSssshhhâŠItâs okay Margaret.â His strong hand gently patted her shin. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her wet lashes clung in bunches and she very much looked like that tiny child who visited in her dreams.
At the sight of him and the feel of his touch she began to cry in earnest. Her lips puffed and grimaced. Dr. Clark edged up and over onto her bed. His arms opened to her and she readily fell into them. She buried her head into his warm strong chest and the tears gushed forth.
âI was dreamingâŠHeâŠIâŠâ
âSssshhhâŠItâs okay Margaret. I know, I know.â His voice soft.
âI couldnât hold him. I was too little. My arms werenât strong enough to hold onto him.â She sobbed.
Dr. Clark rocked her slightly and felt her tremble in his arms as the flood of emotion poured out of her. âItâs okay now Margaret. Youâre safe now.â
Eventually the tears slowed and Maggie pressed her ear tighter to his chest. The rise and fall of his deep breaths and the dull sound of his beating heart comforted her. She wiped at her cheeks and nose and began to regain control of herself.
Feeling her relax slightly, Dr. Clark eased her back away from him. Her eyes cast down and away as she swiped at them. His hands rested on her shoulders and his head ducked and cocked as he sought out her gaze. Finally Maggie let herself look into his eyes. His smile comforted her.
âBetter?â
Maggie nodded and forced a smile.
âI think itâs time to take your therapy into the next phase Margaret.â
âThe next phase?â She sniffled.
âYes.â
She looked at him quizzically.
âItâs alright. Trust me. Now, I want you to go take a hot shower. That will make you feel better. Iâll come back for you in a half-hour and weâll get started. Sound good?â
Maggie nodded in agreement, âYes Dr. Clark. Sounds good.â She didnât know what the next phase was but she had come to trust him.
âOkay good.â Dr. Clark stood and walked to the door. He opened it and held it against the wall. His toe flicked down the little metal stopper. Maggie watched in curious excitement. No one ever left her door open.
âNow, you hurry into the shower and get dressed and Iâll see you in a few minutes.â He smiled and then disappeared.
Maggie stared at the opening for a moment waiting for Nurse Ferrell or Ms. Chen to enter and escort her to the shower. They always came. But no one appeared. Maggie slid out from under the covers. She padded quietly to the door. Her dark nipples showed plainly through the white T-shirt theyâd given her for sleeping in. Her finger snaked inside the backside of her underwear as she walked and she pulled the fabric from between her cheeks. Her head peeked out into the hall and saw no one.
She was finally going to be allowed to shower by herself. She smiled with giddiness and reached down to the floor beside the doorway where sat a stack of folded clothes. They were there each morning. It was always the same; plain gray sweatshirt, sweatpants, T-shirt, a thin pair of white cotton panties, and a pair of white socks. Each morning she neatly folded her white T-shirt, panties, and socks that sheâd slept in and donned the gray clothes.
Maggie had been at the center for a little more than a week. Aside from Nurse Ferrellâs stern demeanor and her many rules, boredom was really the only difficulty Maggie was having. Ferrell had been right that first night about the following day being a full one. Sheâd been kept very busy with a physical, to include giving blood and peeing in a cup, questionnaires, and so on. After that her days were filled mostly with Dr. Clark.
They talked for hours each day. When she had first refused to speak to him he simply opened a book and began reading. Heâd occasionally stop and ask if she wanted to talk and when she didnât answer heâd smile and return to reading. He won the battle of wills. Maggie had grown very comfortable with him and had begun, albeit slowly, to open up to him. She didnât know why, but she did so enjoy pleasing him. They way he smiled and looked at her when she gave a little more of her inner self to him.
Sheâd gathered more belongings the past couple days. A chair, reading lamp, and some books. After her sessions with Dr. Clark sheâd return to her room and discover a new treasure waiting for her. Maggie had seen a couple other staff members. All of who were polite but never engaged her in conversation. But she had yet to see a single other patient. All her inquiries about any others were never really answered so sheâd giving up asking.
Maggie hurried through her shower. She was eager for his return. She never fully relaxed in the center when he wasnât around. Sheâd very much come to look forward to seeing him and each night fell asleep thinking about seeing him the next day. She brushed her wet hair and her teeth and dressed. She felt wonderful to be alone for all these innocent intimate acts. Ferrell or Chen were always there before. She felt an odd sense of newly won freedom as she glided back to her room. She sat in her small chair and waited anxiously for his return and whatever he held in store for her. She left the door propped open. This simple privilege brought her a sense of accomplishment and more than a little happiness.
At last, Dr. Clark reappeared in her doorway. He smiled when he saw her waiting for him. Her face, void of makeup, glowed with natural beauty.